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WE SUPPORT, CHALLENGE AND INSPIRE EQUESTRIANS

We hope you will enjoy our insights in the forms of Casual Conversations, videos and articles aimed at helping the equestrian transform their relationships with their horses. We are passionate about sharing our knowledge, tips, tricks, and experiences.

Sittin’ on a Ritz

May 23, 2025

I remember an ad campaign from the ‘70s where Andy Griffith is sitting at a table with an assortment of food. One by one, he selects something—ham, cheese, or peanut butter and jelly—and places it on a Ritz cracker. Because, as we all know (at least those of us born before 1970), “Everything tastes better when it sits on a Ritz.”

I have been in a reflective space as of late, and one of the things I have been wondering about is: what exactly makes me better at what I do? What is my equivalent of the Ritz cracker?

If I think back to the early days of practice and compare myself to a younger me, I certainly know a lot more now than I did back then. I know more about psychology, neurology, human behavior, performance, and human interaction in general. I also know more about a multitude of interventions, and I have a ton of tools in my toolbox that I didn’t have back then. But did this knowledge and skill make me a better therapist or performance coach?

Certainly, growing my knowledge, skill, and experience went a long way in making me better. But that is more like the ham, Swiss cheese, or peanut butter and jelly. Sure, it is necessary, but is it sufficient to be my best self?

One awareness I keep coming back to is how emotionally stressed I was early in my career. I was often anxious or uncertain when faced with new clients and their difficult challenges. I would panic at times if I didn’t know how to respond. I would get frustrated and angry when clients did not follow through with my suggestions. I judged myself harshly and would get caught up in ruminating about perceived mistakes. In short, I had a difficult time regulating myself and my emotional response to professional challenges.

It makes me smile to think that I have made a living helping people better regulate themselves, and at the same time, the one thing that will continue to make me better at what I do is to grow in my ability to regulate myself. Grow in my ability to regulate my nervous system activation. Grow in my ability to regulate my emotions. Grow in my ability to regulate my thoughts and behavior. Because everything is better when it is done by a well-regulated person. Regulation is the Ritz. ~ Paul

#ridingfarllc #sportpsychology #equestrian #ConfidenceBoost #growthjourney #sportpsych #sportpsychologist

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Last year my son Luke received a grant to compose a piece that “elevated the voices of post-incarcerated women” for the Freedom Fighting Missionaries (FFM) that serves post-incarcerated and justice-involved individuals and families. Last night his piece premiered at FFM’s annual fundraising gala. On a personal note, I am incredibly proud of this young man for his talent, vision, compassion, hard work, and the creation of this powerful piece. After his piece was played, he walked back over to our table and said something to the effect, “400 man hours and… that’s it.”

The parallel to any riding competition, or any project culminating in a defined outcome for that matter, is striking. After hours, years, and sometimes decades, it all boils down to a few minutes and… that’s it.

Imagine for a moment that your sense of self-worth and your identity was all wrapped up in the performance. What stood out for me last night was the difference between the performance which will be judged by each individual through their own personal filters and Luke’s experience of creation. I know my son to be the man who sought to serve the community rather than himself. I know my son to be the man who endeavored to connect with and compassionately understand the experiences of the women he interviewed. I know my son to be the man who worked diligently and creatively to give these experiences life in music. And, he is so much more than the performance of one piece. So much more than a composer.

It is a reminder for me this year as I enter into our clinic season and step into working equitation competition that I am so much more than my performance in any of these roles at any time. Join me in knowing and embracing our larger selves, drawing our sense of value and esteem from all of who we are and all of what we do. Then we might say, “400 man hours… Yes!!!”

~ Paul

#performance #performanceidentity#selfworth #bestself #equestrian#equestrianlife #sportpsych#equestriansportpsych #sportpsychology#equestriansportpsychology

400 Man Hours and…

May 20, 2025

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I am not a Therapist!

May 17, 2025

“I am not a therapist!” exclaimed one of my instructor clients, exasperated by a student’s emotional reactions during a recent, particularly challenging lesson. I replied, “Absolutely, nor should you be. Let’s discuss what you can do instead.”

This month is Mental Health Awareness Month. I am heartened by the numerous social media posts raising awareness. There was a time, early in my life and career, when mental health issues carried a much greater stigma. I am encouraged by the growing recognition of the need for services and the expanding variety of offerings, including equine-assisted work.

However, I am mindful that it is Mental Health Awareness Month, not Mental Illness Awareness Month. In that spirit, I want to share thoughts on how all of us—therapists, instructors, riders, and families—can celebrate and support mental health.

Research suggests several ways to support mental health without being a therapist. Two are natural parts of the riding experience: physical activity and spending time outdoors connecting with nature. However, perhaps the most powerful way to support mental health, and one over which riding instructors have significant influence, is fostering connection, community, and social support.

Instructors create a culture in their lessons, barns, and interactions with students and their families. Research and experience indicate that cultures of connection, acceptance, and kindness support and enhance the mental health and well-being of everyone involved.

As we observe Mental Health Awareness Month, let’s recognize the vital role that our riding communities play in supporting mental health. Through physical activity, time in nature, and, most importantly, fostering social connections, we can make a significant difference in the lives of our students and fellow riders.

I encourage each of us—instructors, riders, and families—to take an active part in creating a culture of kindness and acceptance. Commit to one small action this month that promotes connection, whether it’s sharing a kind word or simply being present for someone who needs support. Together, we can create a healthier, happier community.

~ Paul

#mentalhealthawarenessmonth #horses #ridinginstructors #ridingfar #ridingfarllc #equestrian #equestrianlife #sportpsych #equestriansportpsych #sportpsychology #equestriansportpsychology

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I met with a couple of new people this week who were interested in working with me. Early in my career, these meetings were nerve racking. I worried about what they would think of me. Would they like me? Would they want to work with me? Would I be able to help them? That first meeting almost always fertile ground for my insecurity.
Over time those insecurities faded and with them the associated angst. I often feel like I owe those early career clients and apology. An apology for my self-absorbtion. An apology for actions grounded in my fear and self-doubt. An apology for the assumption that they were sick or broken. An apology for my arrogance in assuming that they needed me to heal them, or even that I could heal them.
There are a few important lessons I have learned in my decades of practice and teaching. The first is that everyone has within them a drive toward health and wellness. My job is not to heal the broken, but rather to help my clients discover that drive and find a way to unleash it on their way to wholeness and health. Another is that people are profoundly resourceful, even if they don’t know it. My job is to help people connect to their own resourcefulness on the pathway to their goals. Finally, the path to achieve all of this is connection and relationship. I need to be open, available, curious, kind, and connect in this way.
Over the last several months, I have watched Justin working with Wellington, a rescue from Heart of Phoenix. He has taken a different approach with him, moving more slowly and building relationship rather than forging ahead with a typical training schedule. I can’t help but see the parallels between my professional growth and Justin’s, both in his work with horses and how he talks about them. These days he is far less about showing off what he can do and much more about being curious and inviting the horses to work with him, taking the time to learn who they are and helping them bring their best selves to the training.
It is amazing to me how the world changes when act from self-acceptance and the resulting self-confidence. Our focus changes from concerns about ourselves to connecting with others. Insecurity, worry and self-doubt are all natural experiences. They are expected, especially when we are starting our journey down a new and exciting path. Rather than villainize these experiences, let’s notice, accept, and understand them as part of a process toward something better.
I can honestly say that meeting new clients these days is one of the most gratifying and enjoyable parts of my job. I look forward to getting to the place where I can bring the same perspective and attitude to my horsemanship. ~ Paul

First Meetings

May 16, 2025

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Smoked Salmon

May 16, 2025

I received a generous gift from my family this year. It is a Dyna-Glo Signature Series DGSS1382VCS-D Heavy-Duty Vertical Offset Charcoal Smoker. For those familiar with the art of smoking, you will know this is a great entry level set up and I am over the moon excited to play with it. I sat down this morning and started looking at recipes for smoked salmon. I was thinking this would be pretty straight forward.
Turns out it is about as straight forward as riding a horse. If you look at it from a birds eye view it seems pretty simple. Light a fire, put the fish in the smoker, let it smoke for a time, and enjoy! You know… swing your leg over and go!
I didn’t have to dig too deeply to uncover the differences in opinions: wet brine vs dry brine, brine times ranging from less than an hour to overnight, rinse after brining, don’t rinse after brining, use a rub, don’t use a rub, don’t ever open the smoker, baste with honey after an hour, use mild fruit woods, use hickory… you get the idea.
It occurred to me, as I tortured myself over the multitude of options and opinions, how similar this is to the horsemanship journey. It is also bears remarkable similarity to the journey of personal growth and change. When faced with desire or chasing a dream, most people can see the magic path, the simple big picture. As we dig in, we are faced with the challenges and the million choices we must make, often without a clear right answer.
Why do people get stuck on their journeys? Some are simply overwhelmed by the complexity and have difficulty connecting to a belief that they could actually find a path through. They can’t seem to make choices and become quickly frozen. Others get caught up in the idea that it has to be perfect. They ruminate and obsess and, if they start on the path, they torture themselves along the way. Still others, in an effort to simplify their journey, rigidly hold their chosen course of action relying on a few actions or beliefs that, while helpful in a small set of situations, frustrate and fails them when faced with the inevitable twists and turns of life.
I am thinking that there are a few things that will be helpful to me as I pull the Sockeye fillets from the fridge. Accept the complexity and expect there to be challenges (and missteps) along the way. Remember that I get to do this more than once. No one ever created their masterpiece on the first try. Know that what makes sense to me or pleases me on one day may change over time. Believe in myself and the universe of possibility. And, finally, life and all that comes with it is an art that is fueled by giving ourselves permission to play. ~ Paul

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I was talking with a client this week. At one point in our discussion we chatted about getting out of our heads, quieting the inner critic and our disparaging self-talk. Later, we got to exploring the process of change and the importance of self-awareness. I am embarrassed to say that, for the first time, I realized the inherent contradiction of these two very helpful perspectives. So, I thought I would take a crack at exploring it here.
Both self-awareness and presence have their place in our horsemanship. Self-awareness helps us shift our thoughts and feelings, change our attitudes, and refine their technique. However, too much of it pulls us out of the moment and we can get stuck in our heads. Presence allows for fluid communication with our horse, but without reflection, we can easily get lost in unhelpful habits.
Self-awareness is like having a riding coach living in your mind. It’s what allows us to notice our posture, leg position, body tension, reactions, thoughts and feelings. Without our riding instructor pointing out our uneven hand position or the unfortunate timing of our aids, we might never be able to notice these things in ourselves and learn to self-correct. Self-awareness is a powerful tool for growth, but it can also turn into a loop of self-doubt.
For some of us, self-awareness can feel like a spotlight shining just a bit too brightly. We can become hyper-aware of every aspect of our riding experience. This kind of hyper focused awareness can become paralyzing. We might start second-guessing everything we do and, in turn, disrupt the natural flow of our riding. This can make our riding feel labored, stiff, or mechanical instead of smooth and connected.
Being “in the moment” is a lot like dancing with a partner who speaks a different language. It requires full attention on the horse’s movements, energy, and signals. When we’re fully present, we feel every subtle shift in the horse’s body, and our responses are instinctive, not calculated. It’s the state where trust and communication flow seamlessly.
But, if we are always in the moment how do we grow? How do we know when something needs to change? And, how do we know what we are doing and what we are responsible for in our relationship with our horse.
Here’s where things get tricky. Self-awareness and presence both demand our attention, but in different ways. Self-awareness points inward — “What is going on inside me?” — while presence points outward — “What am I sensing/experiencing as I interact with the world?” When we’re focused inward and hyper-aware of your own riding, we’re too busy thinking to fully listen to your horse. When we are totally in the moment, we lose the ability for critical analysis and the ability to self-correct.
In psychology, this internal conflict is described by “dual-process theory.” Our brains have two modes: fast, automatic thinking (presence) and slow, deliberate thinking (self-awareness). Riders need both. Automatic thinking allows riders to react to a sudden spook, while deliberate thinking helps them learn proper form and technique. Too much of either can be a problem. Lean too far into self-awareness, and we can become frozen or unresponsive. Lean too far into presence, and we might overlook technical flaws or “less than optimal” patterns of behavior..
If self-awareness and presence feel like a tug-of-war, how do we find balance? The good news is we don’t have to “win” the battle. We just need to be able to shift from one to the other. Here are a few thoughts that might help:
Notice the Shift: If you catch yourself overthinking during a ride, acknowledge it. *”Ah, I’m stuck in my head again.”* This awareness helps you step back into presence.
Mindful Self-Awareness: Treat self-awareness as a coach, not a critic. Instead of thinking, *”I’m so bad at this transition,”* think, *”I’m noticing my timing is off. I can work on that.”* This approach is gentler and more productive.
Flow Activities Off the Horse: Practice activities that encourage flow, like yoga or dance. These activities train your mind to move between self-awareness and presence more smoothly.
Body-Based Practices: Use your body as an anchor. Focus on your breath, the feel of the reins, or the sway of the horse’s back. These physical sensations pull you out of your head and into the moment.
Practice with Intention: Break rides into “focus zones.” Spend part of your ride working on specific technical skills (engaging self-awareness), then shift into a period of free-flow riding (engaging presence).
Practice Acceptance: Sometimes, self-consciousness happens. If you feel anxious or critical, acknowledge it. *”Okay, I’m feeling nervous today.”* Naming it often reduces its intensity, allowing you to re-engage with your horse.
The battle between self-awareness and presence is part of being human. We need self-awareness to improve our riding, but we need presence to truly connect. Instead of treating them as rivals, we can think of them as partners in a dance, working to master the art of shifting between these states. I am curious. How do you balance awareness with presence? ~ Paul

Self-Aware or In-the-Moment: Conflict or complement

May 13, 2025

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Richness

May 13, 2025

One of my favorite quotes comes from a book called “The Road Less Travelled” by M. Scott Peck.. I honestly don’t remember most of the book but, I remember the opening lines. It goes like this:
“Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult-once we truly understand and accept it-then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.”
Many of my clients over the years have expressed the wish for their relationship with their horse to be positive, stable, simple, and fun. I have certainly wanted that. Wouldn’t it be great to go for a trail ride or enter a show without worrying about a worried horse. Or have a horse that responds effortlessly to my aids. Or a horse didn’t come up lame right before the clinic.Or a horse that didn’t threaten to colic or founder. Or a horse that didn’t hurt themselves in the field that we carefully combed for threats and dangers.
There have been times where I have even felt that there must be something wrong with me that I faced these challenges with my horses. The old, “Other people don’t have these problems. Why me?”
Yesterday a picture of my daughter-in-law Tara and Revel showed up on my phone. It filled my heart with joy and brought tears to my eyes. For those of you that don’t know, I foaled Revel out. He has been my one of my greatest loves and greatest challenges. Our relationship has enriched my experience. From hospital stays in the Fairfax Hospital neurology department to large vet bills. From self-imposed battles in the arena to wild and free gallops across the countryside.
Revel can still be a challenge and Tara has done a beautiful job of building a partnership with him. She has been patient and courageous and persistent. I love to watch their relationship grow.
My reflection this morning is that life is beautiful and terrible, exciting and exasperating, inspiring and challenging, and so much more. I will except this truth, all of it, because in acceptance of what is I enter the true richness of the human experience: its lowest depths, its greatest peaks, and everything in between. ~ Paul

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I remember last summer when my mare Nubble and I played ranch hand for the day. We had a project of checking and fixing the fences around the property. We walked all the fence lines and cantered back and forth to the garage and the barn to get tools and supplies. She grazed casually while I worked on tacking up boards and splicing electric fence. We “did stuff” together.

When I think back to that day, I can’t help but wonder how much our relationship grew. The simple change of focus from “working on” to “working with” felt profoundly different; satisfying and rich. To borrow a sentiment from the Grinch Who Stole Christmas… it felt like our hearts grew 10 sizes that day.

Justin and Tara hosted Thanksgiving on the farm this year. In addition to family, our good friends and co-workers Maleina and Selene (with her partner Caiden) joined us for the festivities. We cooked and ate and sang and played silly games and ate some more. What a joy to spend time together and get to know each other in a different way.

Our team is fantastic and works very well together. We love our day to day routines and feel proud of how we serve our customers and care for our horses. Yet, it is days like this Thanksgiving, when we step out of our routines and laugh, play, and share an amazing meal, that our bond and connection grow.

The team was back at work the next day. I can’t speak for everyone, but I know that my heart is full and I feel energized as I step into the weeks to come. I am also excited to find more ways to celebrate and play. I feel confident that my relationships with everyone in my life, horses and human, will benefit. ~ Paul

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Routine and Relationships

April 29, 2025

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Connected… Really Connected

April 29, 2025

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Yesterday marked the end of my 62nd trip around the sun. My celebration started the evening before when my good friend Maleina dropped off the most amazing carrot cake and a fabulous mug covered with pictures of me and my mare Nubble at a barn staff meeting.

The actual birthday kicked off with my “birthday banner”, a family tradition where good friends and family share their experience of you. The banner is always a mix of gooey heartfelt appreciation and good-hearted teasing fun. This year was no exception.

The day continued with my favorite thing, warm loving attention. My wife Pam doted on me all day, We had breakfast with a good friend that shares my birthday. I received texts and calls from family and friends. I met with several clients; work that always fills my heart and warms my soul. A quiet dinner with Pam and, of course, dancing.

This morning I jumped on Facebook. I had seen the posts and comments and DM’s come in over the course of the day yesterday. I had reacted or responded to most of them. But, this morning I went through them and reflected on how I knew each person and the relationship I had with each one.

When I was a young man I often worried about whether I would be successful. I came to view success as having a positive impact on those with whom I lived and worked. I woke this morning realizing that in some ways I had only gotten it half right. I think a better measure of success is not so much about how I impact others but how deeply connected I am, appreciating how others meaningfully impact me and my life.

As I remember and reflect on my connections with the people and horses and dogs and cats and fish (that’s a story for another day) who have shared in my journey, I truly appreciate that I am rich beyond measure. I want to thank each and every one of you for the impact you have had on me and the richness you have brought to my life. Let’s stay connected… really connected. ~ Paul

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I noticed a trend in my work this week. Well, really, a trend throughout my career. Most people have a really hard time identifying their strengths.

Whenever I teach a clinic, whether I am working with instructors or riders, I start the group by having participants introduce themselves and share one thing they are challenged by and one thing they are really good at… You guessed it. The challenges come popping out spontaneously, one after the other. Identifying their strengths is consistently the struggle.

I often wonder why we have such a hard time naming and claiming our strengths. Working from our strengths, even when addressing our weaknesses, is fundamental to to almost every endeavor: performing, competing, learning, and teaching. Yet, either we manage to keep ourselves in the dark about our best qualities or, we are somehow embarrassed to claim them and bring them to the world.

Their is no shame in having talents, skills, abilities, and positive personal qualities. Nor is their shame in having areas we struggle and desire to grow. An honest assessment of ourselves provides a solid foundation for growth. Let’s claim all of who we are. ~ Paul

PC – Erin Gilmore Photography

#Strength #horses #PersonalStrengths #HonestSelfAssessment #equestrian #equestrianlife #sportpsych #equestriansportpsych #sportpsychology #equestriansportpsychology #RidingFar

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Elusive Strengths

April 26, 2025

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