I was talking with a client this week. At one point in our discussion we chatted about getting out of our heads, quieting the inner critic and our disparaging self-talk. Later, we got to exploring the process of change and the importance of self-awareness. I am embarrassed to say that, for the first time, I realized the inherent contradiction of these two very helpful perspectives. So, I thought I would take a crack at exploring it here.

Both self-awareness and presence have their place in our horsemanship. Self-awareness helps us shift our thoughts and feelings, change our attitudes, and refine their technique. However, too much of it pulls us out of the moment and we can get stuck in our heads. Presence allows for fluid communication with our horse, but without reflection, we can easily get lost in unhelpful habits.

Self-awareness is like having a riding coach living in your mind. It’s what allows us to notice our posture, leg position, body tension, reactions, thoughts and feelings. Without our riding instructor pointing out our uneven hand position or the unfortunate timing of our aids, we might never be able to notice these things in ourselves and learn to self-correct. Self-awareness is a powerful tool for growth, but it can also turn into a loop of self-doubt.

For some of us, self-awareness can feel like a spotlight shining just a bit too brightly. We can become hyper-aware of every aspect of our riding experience. This kind of hyper focused awareness can become paralyzing. We might start second-guessing everything we do and, in turn, disrupt the natural flow of our riding. This can make our riding feel labored, stiff, or mechanical instead of smooth and connected.

Being “in the moment” is a lot like dancing with a partner who speaks a different language. It requires full attention on the horse’s movements, energy, and signals. When we’re fully present, we feel every subtle shift in the horse’s body, and our responses are instinctive, not calculated. It’s the state where trust and communication flow seamlessly.

But, if we are always in the moment how do we grow? How do we know when something needs to change? And, how do we know what we are doing and what we are responsible for in our relationship with our horse.

Here’s where things get tricky. Self-awareness and presence both demand our attention, but in different ways. Self-awareness points inward — “What is going on inside me?” — while presence points outward — “What am I sensing/experiencing as I interact with the world?” When we’re focused inward and hyper-aware of your own riding, we’re too busy thinking to fully listen to your horse. When we are totally in the moment, we lose the ability for critical analysis and the ability to self-correct.

In psychology, this internal conflict is described by “dual-process theory.” Our brains have two modes: fast, automatic thinking (presence) and slow, deliberate thinking (self-awareness). Riders need both. Automatic thinking allows riders to react to a sudden spook, while deliberate thinking helps them learn proper form and technique. Too much of either can be a problem. Lean too far into self-awareness, and we can become frozen or unresponsive. Lean too far into presence, and we might overlook technical flaws or “less than optimal” patterns of behavior..

If self-awareness and presence feel like a tug-of-war, how do we find balance? The good news is we don’t have to “win” the battle. We just need to be able to shift from one to the other. Here are a few thoughts that might help:

Notice the Shift: If you catch yourself overthinking during a ride, acknowledge it. *”Ah, I’m stuck in my head again.”* This awareness helps you step back into presence.

Mindful Self-Awareness: Treat self-awareness as a coach, not a critic. Instead of thinking, *”I’m so bad at this transition,”* think, *”I’m noticing my timing is off. I can work on that.”* This approach is gentler and more productive.

Flow Activities Off the Horse: Practice activities that encourage flow, like yoga or dance. These activities train your mind to move between self-awareness and presence more smoothly.

Body-Based Practices: Use your body as an anchor. Focus on your breath, the feel of the reins, or the sway of the horse’s back. These physical sensations pull you out of your head and into the moment.

Practice with Intention: Break rides into “focus zones.” Spend part of your ride working on specific technical skills (engaging self-awareness), then shift into a period of free-flow riding (engaging presence).

Practice Acceptance: Sometimes, self-consciousness happens. If you feel anxious or critical, acknowledge it. *”Okay, I’m feeling nervous today.”* Naming it often reduces its intensity, allowing you to re-engage with your horse.

The battle between self-awareness and presence is part of being human. We need self-awareness to improve our riding, but we need presence to truly connect. Instead of treating them as rivals, we can think of them as partners in a dance, working to master the art of shifting between these states. I am curious. How do you balance awareness with presence? ~ Paul

PC – Erin Gilmore Photography

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