On the shores of Lake Champlain, just south of Burlington, Vermont, sits a 1,400-acre farm known as Shelburne. I am generally not one for traditional sightseeing, but my wife and I visited Shelburne during our New England honeymoon adventure almost 38 years ago.

I honestly do not remember much about the visit, with the exception of one experience. As you drove or walked from place to place on the farm, it became an adventure in discovery. Around each bend and over each hilltop, I was greeted with a new, beautiful bucolic vista.

I later learned this was intentional and the work of Frederick Law Olmsted Sr., the undisputed father of American landscape architecture (think Central Park and the Biltmore Estate). He laid out the roads and paths along the natural contours of the land to alternately hide and then reveal vistas. In doing so, he created both mystery and surprise within the landscape.

I have often wondered why this experience has stayed with me all these years while so many others have faded and been forgotten. I think it has something to do with the fact that, through his work, Olmsted revealed something magical about the natural world. That experience of mystery and surprise deeply connected with my lived experience, not just in the physical world, but in the mental, emotional, energetic, and relational worlds as well.

The hard reality is that we cannot see what we cannot yet see. We experience only what is directly in front of us, what we are attending to in the present moment. When we are faced with disappointment, sadness, anger, grief, or pain, it can feel as though that is all that exists. The same is true for joy, happiness, excitement, and the whole range of positive emotional experiences.

I am grateful that I can enter into these experiences in a deep, present, and mindful way. At the same time, I do not want to get lost in them so completely that I lose my sense of mystery and surprise. I want to remember that there is always more to experience over the next hill and around the next bend, another opportunity to connect with wonder and awe in the twists and turns that shape our lives.

When faced with struggle, we are sometimes tempted toward hopelessness and self-pity. When faced with great joy and excitement, we are drawn toward celebration and self-congratulation. In either case, it is helpful to remember that we are simply taking in one more vista in the landscape of a long and rich life.

This is not meant to douse water on our joy or dismiss the reality of our pain, but rather to preserve a sense of awe in this magnificent journey where tomorrow remains a mystery and every turn holds the possibility of surprise and wonder.

~ Paul

#PsychSaturday #MysteryAndSurprise #WonderAndAwe #Mindfulness #PersonalGrowth #EmotionalWellbeing #LifeJourney #Presence #Reflection #PaulRidingFar

The Patterns That Shape Us

This morning I sat over coffee with one of my lifelong friends. As we talked, he shared a recent guided psilocybin experience that allowed him to make new and meaningful connections among the experiences of his life.

What struck me most was not the psilocybin itself. It was his description of finally seeing long-standing patterns in his thinking differently. He described feeling freed from some of the emotional baggage he had carried for years and discovering a fresher perspective on himself and the world around him.

It left me reflecting on how all of us gradually develop patterns for understanding life.

We lay down tracks of interpretation based on our early experiences, relationships, values, and environments. Those patterns influence how we make decisions, how we protect ourselves, and how we interpret both success and struggle.

When Helpful Patterns Become Limiting

To some degree, those patterns are incredibly useful. Reflecting on my own life, many of my early influences helped me become successful both personally and in the saddle.

But as I have grown older, I have also begun to notice their limitations.

Sometimes the very ways we learned to understand the world can narrow our experiences. The same thought patterns that once helped us cope can eventually contribute to frustration, resentment, judgment, anger, and disconnection from ourselves and others.

Growth often requires us to examine the very assumptions and emotional habits that once felt safe and dependable.

Why Growth Often Feels Chaotic

One of the things I learned during my years teaching physics is that systems that evolve into new levels of organization often pass through periods of instability before reorganizing themselves.

Nature offers beautiful examples of this process.

If you have ever witnessed the transformation of a Monarch butterfly from caterpillar to butterfly, you know that transformation is not neat or orderly. It is messy before something new emerges.

Human growth often works the same way.

Whether transformation comes through meditation, retreats, therapy, horses, meaningful conversations, coaching, or psychedelic-assisted experiences, growth asks us to temporarily loosen our grip on familiar ways of thinking and responding.

We often talk about stepping outside our comfort zones. I believe this is what we are really talking about.

Growth asks us to step into uncertainty.

The Importance of Trusted Guides

One important detail from my friend’s experience stood out to me:
It was guided.

If we want to refresh and renew ourselves, if we want to shed old baggage and grow into healthier ways of being, trusted guides matter.

Safe growth often requires relationships that provide support, perspective, accountability, and emotional safety while we move through the uncertainty of transformation.

My experience suggests that choosing both our guides and our methods of transformation wisely is incredibly important.

And unlike the Monarch butterfly, our transformation is not a one-time event.

Healthy growth requires continual renewal throughout our lives.

I know my horses appreciate my commitment to ongoing transformation and to becoming better with them in all that we do.

~ Paul

When Small Frustrations Fill the Bucket

My wife, Pam, and I recently remodeled what we affectionately call the Game Room in our circa 1954 house. The “new floors” part was easy because we decided to hire it out. We had planned to redo the baseboards from the very beginning.

After the floors were in, we thought the room would look a lot better if the two paneled walls were painted. We set aside a weekend to get it finished.

One thing that is important to me is efficiency. Time should not be wasted. I told Pam I wanted to get all the supplies before we started so we would not be running back and forth. We shopped, prepped, and started painting.

As we painted, we realized the other two walls needed a refresh too. Since we already had the paint out, we figured we should just do them. That meant we needed more paint.

While we were rolling the walls, we realized the old outlets needed to be replaced. So, we took a trip to Lowe’s.

There we were, standing in the electrical outlet and switch aisle. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Pam pick up new light switches.

I lost it.

Not in a dramatic way. But in that quiet, grumpy, edgy way that happens when your emotional bucket is already overflowing. I was certainly no fun to be around.

My bucket had overflowed.

Why Overwhelm Often Comes From Small Things

I had a client this week who was struggling with feeling overwhelmed. You could easily substitute horses and riding for remodeling. Her story was remarkably similar.

She had a set of expectations for her ride that day. Along the way, things kept popping up:

* A broken fence board

* A shredded grazing muzzle

* A rat’s nest of burrs in her horse’s mane

* A minor cut on her horse’s leg

* An empty fly spray bottle

* A broken cross tie

Then finally, she reached for her dressage whip as she walked to the ring.

Gone.

There are times in life when we face the kind of adversity that understandably overwhelms our ability to cope. It is my hope for all of us that those moments are rare.

What is far more common, in my experience, are the small frustrations that chafe against our expectations. No one of them is a big deal on its own. Yet each one slowly fills the bucket until one final, ordinary inconvenience pushes us over the edge.

Expectations, Planning, and Stress

If we are lucky, we realize it before we double down.

I had to apologize to Pam for my grumpiness. I explained that my reaction had nothing to do with her very reasonable desire to update the little things as we refreshed the room. It had everything to do with the way I use planning and expectations to cope with stress.

Each unexpected change added time and effort that I had not predicted or planned for. Every additional task added pressure to my carefully constructed plan.

I suspect many riders do the same thing.

We create expectations for our rides, our horses, our schedules, and ourselves. Then reality unfolds differently than we imagined. Sometimes it is not the big setback that gets us. Sometimes it is simply the accumulation of small disappointments and inconveniences.

The Mindsets That Help Us Cope Better

We talk a lot about growth mindsets, resilient mindsets, and champion mindsets.

But what about a:

* “We will still be okay if everything does not go according to plan” mindset

* “Life rarely unfolds exactly the way we expect” mindset

* “What I do not accomplish today does not determine my value as a human being” mindset

* “Tomorrow is another day” mindset

Those mindsets would have helped me lean into what I truly value:

Kindness. Partnership. Gratitude.

Not just in remodeling a room.

Not just in horsemanship.

But in life.

What mindset would make your life and horsemanship better?

~ Paul

#Leadership #Mindset #Resilience #EmotionalIntelligence #PerformancePsychology #GrowthMindset #Coaching #Horsemanship #PersonalDevelopment

There is nothing like a bit of pressure to clarify what truly matters.

This week I had the pleasure of being interviewed for the Plaidcast podcast, Tonya Johnston’s Inside Your Ride. I will admit, I was a bit starstruck. Through her book and podcast, Tonya has done as much as anyone to bring mental skills coaching into the mainstream equestrian conversation in the US.

I am deeply grateful for the opportunity to share the Riding Far story. We believe we offer something different in the equestrian world. Not only through our commitment to integrated expertise, but in how we use that expertise. Our goal is to help others rise, not to rise above them.

Toward the end of the conversation, Tonya asked a simple but challenging question. What is one practical tool people can use to elevate performance and engagement?

In that moment, I felt the weight of trying to distill more than 30 years of experience into a single idea.

Then it came to me. The one thing Justin and I return to every week in our often casually chaotic conversations.

Intention.

Intention is a powerful tool. It shapes and focuses our experience, connecting it to meaning and value. By simply setting an intention, we begin to organize our awareness, focus, experience, knowledge, and skills around what matters most in that moment.

Try this with me. Think of a recent experience. Run it through your mind a few times. Each time, set a different intention. Notice how the experience shifts.

Like many effective mental skills practices, intention helps place us in a positive and purposeful frame. It directs our attention toward what we want to gain, rather than what we fear or want to avoid.

It also honors the multi dimensional nature of our time with horses. When we approach similar experiences with different intentions, we begin to access more depth, more texture, and more meaning. That richness is part of resilience. Intention supports that process.

I had already set my intention for the week, but now I think I will add another. I am going to play with intention. Before each interaction with my three horses, I will pause and choose one. Then I will notice what changes.

Will you join me? ~ Paul

PC – Jordan Koepke Photography

#PsychSaturday #RidingFar #EquestrianLife #HorseTraining #EquestrianMindset #MentalSkills #SportsPsychology #HorseRider #EquestrianCoach #HorseConnection #MindfulRiding #EquestrianPerformance #HorseLife #RiderDevelopment #EquestrianCommunity #TrainYourMind #RideWithPurpose #EquestrianTraining #HorseHumanConnection #PerformanceMindset #GrowthInTheSaddle

One of the bittersweet parts of my job is when my clients no longer need me. It is that moment when someone feels confident and resourced enough to strike out on their own. Whether it comes after a few sessions or a few years, it fills me with deep satisfaction. At the same time, there is always a quiet sense of loss.

I care deeply about my clients and I invest fully in helping them achieve the goals they set for themselves. In the process of supporting, guiding, and mentoring them through their challenges, we build a strong and trusting relationship. I get to know them in a deeply personal way. Because of that, when the time comes for them to move forward on their own, it can be hard to let go.

The “letting go” is not something that only happens at the end. Often it is an ongoing challenge throughout the process. When you care deeply, there are moments when you want to control the choices your client makes, if only to help them avoid pain you can see coming. I certainly have my own “Papa Bear” moments. When they arise, I try to notice them, acknowledge them, and then return to supporting my clients in a way that respects their responsibility for themselves and their choices.

It does not matter whether you are a therapist, a mental coach, a trainer, or a riding instructor. Our role is to guide in a way that builds real independence and genuine self confidence. This does not mean pushing people off a cliff to see if they can fly. It means helping them grow the knowledge, skill, experience, resilience, and belief in themselves that they need to succeed. Along the way, we give them opportunities to test their wings.

There are times when my clients feel frightened, anxious, or uncertain. There are moments when hope feels distant and change seems hard to believe in. In those moments it can be tempting to jump in and fix things for them. Instead, I often invite them to borrow my belief in them and in the possibility of change. That belief is not built on blind optimism. It is grounded in decades of experience and hard work standing beside people as they find their path forward.

This is how we help our clients unfurl their wings.

And eventually, fly on their own.

~ Paul

PC-Erin Gilmore Photography

#PsychSaturday #RidingFar #MentalPerformance #GrowthMindset #CoachingLife #TherapyReflections #PersonalGrowth #Resilience #ConfidenceBuilding #TrustTheProcess #LearningToFly #HumanDevelopment #CoachingWisdom #PsychologyInPractice #MentorshipMatters

Have you ever had a stretch of time when you just felt grumpy for no apparent reason?

For the last several weeks I have noticed a reduced patience for what I perceive as the nuttiness of our world. It is unfortunately all too easy to find examples wherever we look: economics, politics, education, popular culture, and of course the equestrian world.

Most recently, I have been struck by how often representatives of the competitive disciplines lament the lack of young, gritty riders who grew up riding “naughty” backyard ponies, galloping bareback, and jumping anything that crossed their paths.

In a similar vein, I have seen more and more comments about the increase in timidity, anxiety, fear, and tears among young riders. What has been most disheartening is the number of mean spirited and derogatory remarks coming from people who are in a position to teach our children. I am certain their students pick up on that lack of empathy and the quiet contempt beneath it.

I understand wistful sentimentality. I understand the sense of loss that comes from reflecting on a bygone era. What I do not understand, and cannot align with, is the lack of investment and creativity directed toward doing something positive about the perceived shortcomings of our current reality.

When my children were small, my wife had a refrain she repeated often: “Requests, not complaints.” It was her gentle way of shifting their thinking from what I would call a problem frame to a solution frame. What Pam and I eventually realized was that it was not enough to want our children to change their perspective. We had to change our own.

I spend my days helping riders work through trauma, fear, and anxiety. In my experience, addressing the fear itself often pales in comparison to addressing the negative self judgment and shame riders feel for having those emotions in the first place. That shame does not appear out of nowhere. It is shaped, in part, by our collective attitude toward emotion and its expression in our sport.

Sometimes I wonder what might happen if, instead of complaining about riders today, we got busy building solutions. What if we invested real resources into programs designed to develop joyful, skilled, resilient, emotionally and physically healthy riders and horses, rather than continuing to pour money into venues where young riders and their families are required to spend tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of dollars simply to compete?

My son Justin calls himself a grumpy optimist. I am borrowing that moniker today.

In the spirit of optimism, I am choosing to align myself with the voices in our industry that respond to the real needs of today’s riders and modern horses with engagement, positive energy, creativity, and compassion. Let’s work to change the culture.

So here is my request. Will you join me?

~ Paul

#PsychSaturday
#RidingFar
#RiderMindset
#ResilientRiders
#ConfidentRider
#EmotionalFitness
#ModernHorsemanship
#EquestrianCulture
#ChangeTheCulture
#GrumpyOptimist