I have so many things on my mind this morning.

I sat down to write with a clear idea of where I wanted to go, but by the time I finished the first sentence another idea had arrived, and the first one lost its luster. Then came a third. A fourth. A fifth.

So instead of a carefully formulated essay, you may simply end up walking with me through the swirling mass of ideas that fills my head.

When Too Many Ideas Compete for Attention

Most of what I am reflecting on is the direct result of our recent clinic with Pippa Callanan. I carried so many emotions into that weekend. A deep sadness that I would not be dancing with my beloved Nubble (more to come about her in the weeks ahead). Worry about Revel, who was recovering from both lameness and a gastrointestinal infection. Guarded optimism and curiosity about what a full clinic experience with my sweet, goofy partner in crime, Lil’ Joe, might be like. Joy at spending time with my friend and mentor Pippa. And delight in sharing a community of horsewomen and horsemen committed to searching for and practicing what Pippa so beautifully describes as “gentle and effective, and in alignment with the nature of the horse.”

As I type these words, I feel every one of those emotions again.

As the swirl begins to settle, there are a few things that I feel compelled to share. Nothing earth shattering or blindingly illuminating. Just a handful of ideas that have become deeply important to me.

Celebrating Someone Else’s Success

The first is the pride and joy I feel watching the accomplishments of everyone who participated in the clinic. They truly did their homework. Especially, as you might expect, Justin and all of the ponies that have challenged him to become a better horseman stand out in my mind. Watching their partnerships blossom has been one of the great privileges of my life.

I found myself searching for words to describe the feeling. It is a genuine, selfless pride in someone else’s accomplishments. It turns out there are words for it, just not in English.

In Hebrew there is firgun. In Sanskrit there is mudita. Both describe the sincere, generous, non-jealous joy we experience when someone else succeeds.

That is exactly how I feel about Justin and about everyone in our Riding Far community who continues to challenge themselves to grow in their relationship with their horses.

Eighteen Months in Preparation

The next thoughts arise from my own experience with Lil’ Joe.

He was a rock star throughout the clinic. We took so many meaningful steps forward in developing his balance and strengthening our partnership. Movements and moments that once seemed out of reach emerged naturally, if not always easily.

Throughout those moments, I kept hearing Pippa’s voice.

“Eighteen months in preparation.”

And indeed it was.

I realized that all of the small, slow, consistent work we had done together over the past year and a half had quietly accumulated into something remarkable. I simply hadn’t noticed it happening.

It reminded me of something I tell my clients all the time: we are often terrible assessors of our own progress. We live inside our own experience, making it difficult to notice gradual change. Trusted friends, colleagues, teachers, and mentors often see our growth more clearly because they have the benefit of perspective.

The Difference Between Asking and Inviting

Finally, one last thought for today.

There is a familiar saying in many psychological circles about parenting: “Ask, tell, help.” I have always appreciated it as a respectful progression. But Pippa and Lil’ Joe taught me there may be another step that comes before all of them.

Invitation.

If I am honest, I tend to be someone who wants to make things happen. I cannot count the number of things I have broken over the years simply because I tried to force them when they refused to work the way I wanted.

One of the greatest lessons I have learned from Pippa has been the importance of the release of the aids, especially the hands. Her words echo constantly in my mind:

“The purpose of the aids is to request or restore, never maintain.”

What I had not fully appreciated was how every application of every aid changes if I think of it first as an invitation.

An invitation is different.

It carries no demand.

It leaves room for choice.

And it is completed with a release.

That simple shift became a game changer for Joe and me. After each quiet invitation and each release, Joe did not take advantage of the freedom or insist on his own agenda. Instead, time after time, he offered more of the answer I had been hoping to find together.

What Invitation Might Mean for the Horse World

That experience has me thinking far beyond riding.

There are so many transformative ideas emerging in the horse world about how we care for, train, ride, and compete with our horses. Yet if you spend even a few minutes scrolling through social media, what you mostly encounter is conflict. Ironically, that conflict often comes from people who are passionately advocating for more relational, connected, compassionate ways of working with horses.

It makes me wonder what might happen if we learned to invite and release instead of trying to convince, correct, persuade, or make things happen.

Perhaps invitations create more space for curiosity than arguments ever can. Perhaps invitations are more likely to change hearts than demands. I know this is an idea we will continue exploring at Riding Far.

So consider this exactly that…

An invitation.

~ Paul