I remember an ad campaign from the ‘70s where Andy Griffith is sitting at a table with an assortment of food. One by one, he selects something—ham, cheese, or peanut butter and jelly—and places it on a Ritz cracker. Because, as we all know (at least those of us born before 1970), “Everything tastes better when it sits on a Ritz.”

I have been in a reflective space as of late, and one of the things I have been wondering about is: what exactly makes me better at what I do? What is my equivalent of the Ritz cracker?

If I think back to the early days of practice and compare myself to a younger me, I certainly know a lot more now than I did back then. I know more about psychology, neurology, human behavior, performance, and human interaction in general. I also know more about a multitude of interventions, and I have a ton of tools in my toolbox that I didn’t have back then. But did this knowledge and skill make me a better therapist or performance coach?

Certainly, growing my knowledge, skill, and experience went a long way in making me better. But that is more like the ham, Swiss cheese, or peanut butter and jelly. Sure, it is necessary, but is it sufficient to be my best self?

One awareness I keep coming back to is how emotionally stressed I was early in my career. I was often anxious or uncertain when faced with new clients and their difficult challenges. I would panic at times if I didn’t know how to respond. I would get frustrated and angry when clients did not follow through with my suggestions. I judged myself harshly and would get caught up in ruminating about perceived mistakes. In short, I had a difficult time regulating myself and my emotional response to professional challenges.

It makes me smile to think that I have made a living helping people better regulate themselves, and at the same time, the one thing that will continue to make me better at what I do is to grow in my ability to regulate myself. Grow in my ability to regulate my nervous system activation. Grow in my ability to regulate my emotions. Grow in my ability to regulate my thoughts and behavior. Because everything is better when it is done by a well-regulated person. Regulation is the Ritz. ~ Paul

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