Gratitude For An Insistent Loving Partner
I don’t know about you, but I grew up in an age where no one wore a helmet while riding. Sure, we had those fashionable little hunt caps we wore during shows that had all the protective qualities of Hershey’s Magic Shell (you know, the stuff that hardens when you pour it on your ice cream). But, I don’t ever remember a discussion about ASTM or SEI safety certification. Like most people, my old habits, preference and prejudices die hard. As time passed and rules changed, I did get an approved helmet for competition. Yet, to be honest I seldom wore a helmet when I didn’t “have to.”
Then, about 14 years ago, my first son was born. I remember the day that my wife came out to the arena while I was riding and she asked me, at least until our children were grown and independent, if I would promise to wear a helmet when I rode. For those that don’t know me personally, my wife is not a horsewoman. She appreciates their beauty and enjoys having them on the farm, but her connection to horses is totally through her love for me and her willingness to indulge my passion. At the time, it seemed a small price to pay for her continued support. I reluctantly agreed to to wear a helmet from that day forward.
I am embarrassed to admit my own arrogance at that point in my life. I remember thinking that wearing a helmet all the time was overkill. Sure it made sense if I was jumping cross country or riding an unfamiliar horse. But, for flat work or other quiet work with a known quantity in a ring? Seriously? But, I am a man of my word and with very few exceptions I honored my wife’s insistent request and wore a helmet whenever I rode from that day forward.
Last Friday we had a gorgeous cool, dry day. The kind that are extremely rare in Virginia in August. I had the day off work and was really excited to finally have the time to spend a full day with a young horse that I have been bringing along. There were several things I wanted to help him with that I didn’t want to rush and this seemed like the perfect opportunity. One of my agenda’s was to introduce him to “the neighborhood.” Just so you have the right image, I live on a dirt road off of a dirt road in a rural area in Virginia. My “neighborhood” is made up of a few small farms and a half a dozen houses. We started on the ground introducing him to all of those terrifying horse-eating monsters like my neighbor’s jeep, mud puddles, utility construction crews, etc. After an hour or so he appeared settled and quiet and I chose to get on. Everything went smoothly at first until we encountered a ridge of gravel at the edge of the road that had been deposited there by a recent rain. So, like everything else we started patiently working at getting brave.
I will never know what spooked him. He spun and took off at top speed. The last thing I remember is making a reasonably calm assessment of my situation. I had lost a stirrup when he spun. I was pulling on one rein with all my strength to try and turn him, but to no avail. I was considering my options. Would it be safer to try and ride it out or get off?
I woke up on the ground dazed and disoriented some time later. I would like to think I chose to get off, but I will never know. Helpful neighbors rounded up my horse and got me home. My wife got me to the emergency room. The CAT scan revealed a minor bleed on my brain which meant a night at the hospital for observation. Since then I have been on the mend looking forward to a day in the near future when my neck and shoulder aren’t sore. Yesterday I returned to my regular routine of feeding my horses and my helmet caught my eye.
As I picked it up I looked at the left side of the helmet to see the damage. I was looking at the left side because, based on all my injuries, that was the side of my body that hit the ground. I assumed that my head hit a rock or something which knocked me out. To my surprise, the left side was unblemished. The right side, however, sustained significant damage. While I will never know what really happened, I suspect that I either got stepped on or kicked in the head.
You may be wondering why I am telling this story. Maybe it is my own process of healing. One of the most powerful ways of dealing with traumatic events is to share our story. This helps us both by connecting with others and making sense of what happened so that we might avoid similar situations in the future. Maybe it is to set the stage over the next couple of weeks so that I can share my own journey as I get back in the saddle and cope with the inevitable fears and anxieties. I have long held that I would never suggest that my clients do something that I would not be willing to do myself. This is not the first time I have had the opportunity to put my sport psychology techniques to personal practical use. I certainly hope that my clients ultimately benefit from my experience.
The primary reason I tell my story today, however, is to simply say thank you to the lovely, loving woman who asked me to wear a helmet so many years ago. Without her insistence I might not be writing this or anything else today. Perhaps if you read this and you were like I was 14 years ago, you might reconsider and suffer the minor discomfort and slight inconvenience of wearing a helmet.
Why Do You Take Riding Lessons? Don’t You Already Know How To Ride?
Recently, I have been following the reports about David O’Connor’s approach to the USEF Eventing High Performance training sessions. It got me thinking about coaching and mentorship and how it relates to attitudes about sport psychology. In every sport, athletes seek out and receive coaching regardless of the their level of accomplishment and their knowledge of the game. For the dedicated athlete there is always room for improvement. There is always room to hone skills, expand knowledge, and strive to get better.
At the highest levels, this is often less about being directly taught than it is about seeking out a different perspective. Having a skilled and respected colleague provide perspective and allow us to see ourselves through their eyes often leads to valuable insights and understandings that we might not otherwise come to on our own and improve our performance.
What puzzles me is that, so often, our attitudes toward the psychological side of our sport differ dramatically from our attitudes toward the physical side. While we actively and consistently strive for improvement in our riding skill and ability through lessons and regular clinics, my experience suggests that sport psychology consultation has been primarily relegated to the role of fixing problems. It is a lot like the way we deal with medical doctors. We go when we get sick and are far less likely to engage their help in developing and maintaining a wellness program, more less improving a wellness program that seems to be working “well enough”.
It is easy to question the riding community for using sport psychology in this way, but I have to wonder if sport psychologists and mental skills consultants carry a large part of the responsibility in the way they we promote what we offer. I looked at my library of sport psychology resources recently and took stock of what was offered. Most of what I found focused on presenting and explaining how to use one or more of the traditional sport psychology skills; goal setting, energy regulation, visualization, motivational strategies, etc. There is something about the way we present this information to the public which gives short shrift to the complexity of the human experience. Don’t get me wrong, these skills are very useful and helpful to people. They are an integral part of my professional arsenal and often provide almost immediate relief and assistance to clients struggling with a host of concerns. However, focusing so much on discrete mental skills shifts the attention away from exploring the rider as a whole person.
Who we are as a person is profoundly important in how we engage in equestrian sport. For example, how we deal with conflict has a direct impact on how we react when our horses have a different idea than we do about something that we are going to do. Our characteristic patterns in coping with stress will impact our behavior during competition. Our preferred emotional style will determine the nature of our responses to emotionally intense events. Our characteristic patterns of orienting our attention (inward vs outward) will impact the type and level of awareness we have as we ride. The nature of our self-concept will shape our evaluation and judgement of ourselves. These are just a few examples of how facets of our personality or broader psychology can impact our ride.
In dealing with riding concerns applying discrete mental skills can help, but at times it may feel that you are only chipping away at the edges of a problem. There have been many instances in my work with clients that helping a rider come to a deeper understanding of the themselves and who they are as a person has been instrumental in creating lasting change. I am also convinced that, in the absence of a crisis or significant riding problem, a rider’s commitment to personal growth and greater self-awareness will have a profoundly positive impact on their engagement in the sport.
My commitment in the coming years is to explore ways in which I can help riders can grow in their self-knowledge and awareness and actively use that awareness to improve their riding. I hope to provide a service that goes beyond “fixing problems” and, like riding lessons and clinics, ultimately support each rider’s personal growth in ways that help them grow as equestrians.
This weekend the good people at Sprout Therapeutic Riding and Education Center along with several of their friends have graciously volunteered to test out a new clinic format which combines experiential activities with horses and small group work sessions. The expressed goal of the clinic is that each participant will come away with new self-awareness and a plan for applying this awareness in their riding. I am grateful for the enthusiasm of my courageous volunteers and I hope they leave the day excited about what they have learned and hungry to learn even more.