Insights

Earlier this week I ran across a quote that really got me thinking. It is a quote from a German Lutheran pastor, theologian and anti-Nazi dissident Dietrich Bonhoeffer and it goes like this, “The person who loves their dream of community will destroy community, but the person who loves those around them will create community.” It has been floating around in the back of my consciousness ever since. It both inspires and challenges me on many levels.

Recently, Riding Far has invested in serving riding instructors and trainers by sharing our knowledge about how people learn, effective teaching practices, and helpful ways of dealing with strong emotions in ourselves and our clients. One of the essential elements of teaching and learning is creating positive learning environments. We love Timothy Clark’s Four Stages of Psychological Safety and use it as a basis for our work. It starts with inclusion safety and then moves to through safety to learn, safety to contribute, and safety to challenge the status quo. I wonder if Bonhoeffer’s reference to loving those around us is his way of creating psychological safety. An essential element of a healthy community is that it is a psychologically, emotionally, energetically, and spiritually a safe space.

When Justin and I started building Riding Far, we talked a lot about not wanting it to be a cult of personality. We have made conscious choices to build our business as a values based organization. One of our core values is our own personal growth and education. We love to share our knowledge, insights, and skill. If what we teach and share is helpful, we are delighted because we also value each and every clients’ personal growth and education. However, we are not invested in anyone doing it “the Riding Far way.” Rather, we value individuality, compassion and empathy, and the dignity of every horse and rider. We are invested in people finding their own way forward, a path that brings joy and well-being to riders and horses alike. I wonder if this is what Bonhoeffer meant by “loving those around them?”

Riding Far is currently searching for our next home. These transitions always come with challenges. But, as is always the case, each challenge presents an opportunity. One of the many opportunities in this transition is that we will likely have a facility that is wholly dedicated to our program. This is incredibly exciting, but at the same time we recognize our responsibility. We will have the responsibility for creating a culture that elevates psychological safety and fosters healthy community. We rely on you to help us guard against the kind of hubris, self-importance, and love of our own vision that Bonhoeffer warns will destroy community.

With love and respect… Paul

PC – Erin Gilmore Photography

Over the last several weeks life as been pretty busy. Of course there were the usual activities; client sessions, admin work, course development, horse development, household chores, and ballroom dancing, Then there were also a few extras. Justin and Tara got married and we hosted a delightful and relaxed rehearsal dinner for 75 people at our house (Thank you Sexi Mexi Burrito Truck). I travelled to Minnesota and Wisconsin to work with the USEA Area IV young riders and Woodloch Farm. Our AC crapped out at home. And, as I write, I am preparing to head out of town to see my other son Luke in Charlotte, NC.

As I compiled this list of things on my plate I am struck by the amazing mix of blessings, challenges, and opportunities. I realize that sometimes it is hard to tell which is which. Many of the challenges are legitimate blessings and each blessing brings with it opportunity and challenges. I often feel like I am in an enormous mixing bowl where my participation in the universe adds ingredients ranging from the essential to the exquisite to the outrageous.

Have you ever gone into the kitchen to whip something up for dinner? You can play it safe and pull out some packaged prepared food. You could grab a tried and true recipe and follow it to the letter. Or, if you are like me, you can whip something up, mixing in the ingredients you feel inspired to add. I can honestly say there are days that these creative meals are fabulous, days they are ok, and , if I am honest, every once in awhile they are inedible.

It strikes me that many riders experience their horse time in a similar way. When they look at things objectively they can see that their engagement with horses is a mix of blessings, opportunities, and challenges. In addition, most of the riders I work with experience a mix of emotions as well. They feel joy and elation at times. Fear and anxiety at other times. They experience optimism and hope, as well as pessimism and despair. Whatever the mix of feelings there is always a mix. There are times when this feels like an exciting recipe that results in a rich experience. There are times that it feels like a whirlpool threatening to suck them under.

There are many ways to approach this mixing bowl of experience and all the feelings it provokes in us. The simplest approach is to give it time. Whether you think of it like simmering a good soup that takes time to meld the favors or, you think of it in terms of energy and how all things are driven to a new balance or homeostasis, patience and time can often help us experience the richness of these hectic, challenging, and provocative periods of life.

There are also real situations in which we are in the whirlpool and not a mixing bowl. Approaching this with more patience merely threatens to pull us under. We need to approach these moments in a different way. I am reminded of a Popeye cartoon from my childhood where Popeye and Olive Oil are in a dingy, caught in a giant whirlpool. As expected, Popeye pops open a can of spinach and in one intense effort, he plunges the oars into the water and pulls against the flow of the water. The boat is launched out of the whirlpool and they are saved. I love this scene because it resonates with what I know it takes to exit out these “whirlpool” situations. It takes effort, resolve, courage, and a connection to all of our personal resourcefulness.

As I drive to NC today I am going to be reflecting on this. I know I am going to face many times in both my life and my horsemanship where I will be struggling to discern whether I am in a mixing bowl or a whirlpool. How do I know when the challenges I face are a recipe for growth and advancement and when I am facing a “whirlpool” from which I need to step back or step away? I would love to know how you discern the difference in your life with horses. ~ Paul

PC – Erin Gilmore Photography

A passionate lifelong fox hunter calls for help when a new equine partner challenges her confidence in the field. A woman starts riding again after raising her family and experiences anxiety and fear that she has never felt before. A seasoned competitor is shaken by a seemingly innocuous fall (one of hundreds she has taken in her lifetime) and then experiences crippling anxiety in the jumping arena. These scenarios are a small sample of some of the requests for help that we receive regularly.

When asked if I can help, the answer is always surely. I am happy to do whatever I can to help riders find their way back to their joy of riding and competing. I often share that I have a pretty big toolbox of strategies and techniques that I have honed and developed over the years. But, in all honesty, the most powerful help I have to offer grew out of my observations of the patterns that I saw in the riders that I worked with over the years.

What I noticed is that in every situation I could identify a concern in one or more of five areas: motivation, goals, resources, risk, or relationships. Sometimes the issue was circumscribed to one or two of these areas. However, more often than not, the issue was in how these factors aligned in their equine activities. We can all imagine the problems that arise when we have high motivation and lofty goals but few resources such as time, money or appropriate resources. Or, the challenges we face when, with a lifetime of skill and experience, circumstances change like growing older or starting a family and we don’t consider how the impact of the very real risks in our sport change with the circumstances.

What I love about what I now call the Pillars of Progress is that they are straight forward and accessible to everyone. Yet, in a way similar to foundational horsemanship, there is a deep richness to what they have to offer us in or equestrian pursuits. A richness that can be mined and actively used to support us throughout our equestrian life if we are willing to invest in learning about ourselves through the lens of the Pillars. By reflecting on and seeking alignment among the five Pillars of Progress we greatly increase the likelihood of making good choices for ourselves and overcoming the challenges we face in our riding.

We want everyone to have access to this powerful perspective. We want everyone to be able to use the Pillars of Progress perspective as a foundation for their decision making. This is also a tool that is valuable for trainers and instructors by providing them with a framework for understanding where riders might get stuck and helping them develop helpful and effective plans in moving forward.

Join us for our upcoming virtual course Pillars of Progress. Take a deep dive into understanding the Pillars and finding the kind of alignment that will serve as a solid foundation in your horsemanship journey for years to come. ~ Paul

📸 Erin Gilmore // Erin Gilmore Photography

As riders we make upwards of 35,000 decisions each day. Many of those decisions, about our riding and our horses, are made automatically without conscious consideration. In 25+ years of helping riders overcome their personal challenges in their riding, I have identified 5 essential areas of consideration that contribute to every problem and are ultimately THE FOUNDATION OF EVERY SOLUTION. The goal of this 4-part course is to teach you how to use the Five Pillars of Progress and empower each of you to use the pillars in making good decisions for yourself that allow you to safely make progress toward your goals.

I have been teaching riders The Five Pillars of Progress for over 20 years. This framework provides a foundation for riders to make better decisions for themselves. It is especially helpful when people begin to have issues or problems in their riding and their relationship with their horses. When riders intentionally consider each pillar and revisit the Pillars of Progress often, they are empowered to overcome their challenges. This short course is designed to both challenge and support you on your horsemanship journey. We are excited to share this powerful perspective with you and guide you in ways to use it effectively. Check it out here – Pillars of Progress ~ Paul

📸 Erin Gilmore // Erin Gilmore Photography

Last weekend we launched our new instructor training course, “The Art and Science of Teaching and Learning: Skills and Strategies for Teaching the Modern Rider.” It was a fabulous weekend. As a group we shared our frustrations and victories, we laughed and maybe leaked a tear or two, we learned, and we played with new ideas and strategies for tackling our most difficult challenges. By the end I was exhausted in the best of ways. And, I was profoundly grateful and excited to hear that so many in our group found deep value in the experience.

As I sit with my coffee this morning, I got to thinking about how this all came together. The majority of the content for the weekend has been in my head and heart for many many years. A lot of what we taught is simply an integral part of the way I view the world and conduct myself in my practice. For decades I have possessed the knowledge, skill, and experience to teach something like this. Yet, I never even imagined it. So… how was this born and how did it grow.

I think the core spark came from our community of connections and an openness to be of service. I am not talking about the kind of service where we decide what everyone needs and how we want to serve them. I am talking about the kind of service that comes from openness and listening. I remember several years ago being invited to a meeting of the USEA’s coaching certification program committee. I expected to be asked about how I might contribute to the instructors’ toolbox of mental skills and other traditional sport psychology strategies. What I heard was a profound interest in helping instructors become better teachers and grow in the understanding of their students and how their students learn. I thought… I can do that.

I had never considered how valuable my years of assessment and treatment of learning differences would contribute to the world of riding instruction. Looking back, I realize how blind I was to what I could contribute. It was the act of being open and listening to what others in my community needed that unlocked my imagination and potential.

That may have been the spark but it was our team and supporters at Riding Far that tended the fire. I remember coming back from my first presentation at USEA’s educational symposium. I was telling Justin about the talk and he thought it was cool. He asked how long it would take to turn that into a course or clinic. In that instant, I realized it would be a matter of minutes to outline a course. Our instructor clinic was born with the help and hard work of everyone on our team.

You will often hear me say that people are the worst judges of their own progress. We tend to focus on the set-backs and forget the steps forward. I am beginning to think that we are also the worst judges of our ability to contribute. Left to our own devices, we are often blind to how our talents, skills, and experience can benefit others.

It is in our relationships and genuine connection to others that we can hear the invitation. So I leave you today with an invitation of my own. Connect. Love. Listen. When you hear the call from your community take the risk to answer it. It is my heartfelt belief that responding in this way will deepen your connection to your community and open many more doors that you were blinded to while on our own.

~ Paul

📸 Erin Gilmore // Erin Gilmore Photography

There is a lot of talk these days, in almost every setting, of the value of breath work. There are numerous breathing techniques which function to lower a persons activation or help a person regulate their emotions. There is deep breathing, 4-7-8 breathing, spot focus breathing, diaphragmatic breathing, box breathing, and many other variations. I teach these methods regularly to help people center and calm themselves in the midst of anxiety and panic, or to help them in high pressure performance situations.

Earlier this week I was driving home and I took a deep breath. My wife asked, “What was that?” Typically I would respond that I was letting go of something; tension from the day, a momentary stress, or a challenging ride. This day I realized that I was amping myself up. I was using my breath to “stay in the game.”

Every one has a default place they go when they are stressed by the world. Many people quickly go to activation or anxiety which helps them motivate them to act. My youngest son is like that. I don’t think he has ever missed a deadline in his life. I am different. My default is withdrawal from the world, finding ways to depress or numb my feelings. As a result, I am more of a procrastinator.

Back to the deep breath that day. We have a lot of good things going on at Riding Far. We have clients and clinics and courses in development. We have multiple irons in the fire. All of this is extremely exciting and… you guessed it, stressful. My personal challenge is not to manage my anxiety. It is to stay activated, stay anxious. I work to become comfortable with my anxiety, or at least tolerate it, so I can continue to get things done. In that moment, I drew a breath to raise my energy and activation…to stay in the game.

Breath is powerful. Use it well. Use it to calm yourself. Use it to regulate yourself. Use it to activate and sustain your efforts. Use it to stay in the game. ~ Paul