WE SUPPORT, CHALLENGE AND INSPIRE EQUESTRIANS
We hope you will enjoy our insights in the forms of Casual Conversations, videos and articles aimed at helping the equestrian transform their relationships with their horses. We are passionate about sharing our knowledge, tips, tricks, and experiences.
Butterflies and Butter Knives
I woke up this morning to a poem in my Facebook feed. It is called Butter Knife and was written and read by Hollie McNish. Her introduction to the poem is almost as inspiring as the poem itself. Both celebrate how absolutely totally f**king amazing this world is and how, when we make the effort to learn about it, everything (yes even all the stuff we thing of as disgusting) is actually miraculous.
She talks about the transformation of caterpillars to butterflies and how we can turn experience into tears and laughter. And, of course she reflects on her butter knife which is “actually” a cheese knife. Or, is it? So often things are transformed into what we say they are and how we use and honor them.
Yesterday we started our latest Fresh Start Clinic series. Six amazing humans and six amazing horses. I often feel the weight of responsibility to teach and guide during these clinics. While I will always strive to bring my best self each day, I was reminded this morning my job is not to impart my knowledge, to heal, or fix, or change. Not to decide if they should be a cheese knife or a jam knife or a butter knife or a butterfly but rather to allow them (horse and human) to discover, transform, and unleash their own potential. ~ Paul
I woke up this morning to a poem in my Facebook feed. It is called Butter Knife and was written and read by Hollie McNish. Her introduction to the poem is almost as inspiring as the poem itself. Both celebrate how absolutely totally f**king amazing this world is and how, when we make the effort to learn about it, everything (yes even all the stuff we thing of as disgusting) is actually miraculous.
She talks about the transformation of caterpillars to butterflies and how we can turn experience into tears and laughter. And, of course she reflects on her butter knife which is “actually” a cheese knife. Or, is it? So often things are transformed into what we say they are and how we use and honor them.
Yesterday we started our latest Fresh Start Clinic series. Six amazing humans and six amazing horses. I often feel the weight of responsibility to teach and guide during these clinics. While I will always strive to bring my best self each day, I was reminded this morning my job is not to impart my knowledge, to heal, or fix, or change. Not to decide if they should be a cheese knife or a jam knife or a butter knife or a butterfly but rather to allow them (horse and human) to discover, transform, and unleash their own potential. ~ Paul
On Loving Transitions
One of my horsemanship mentors along the way talked about “a million transitions” as they extolled the power of transitions to make everything better. I was reminded of this yesterday. First, in our lesson with Stephanie Jennings and again later in the day as one of my long term clients transitioned to a new adventure which meant ending our work together.
I have watched Justin grow with Kola and have been there with him as he has struggled at times to find the best path forward. While their path forward has not always been seamless and smooth, I know that Justin has been driven by a deep and abiding love for this horse. While Justin worked on walk-trot transitions in order to help Kola’s canter departs, it got me thinking how the relationship seems to be the secret ingredient that makes transitions powerful.
Yesterday afternoon I said “good-bye for now” to a client of 13 years. I care deeply for my clients. Yes, even love them. It is who I am and I would not have it any other way. It is only by finding the courage to love that I find the strength to truly care for my clients. At times, this means sharing an uncomfortable “truth.” At other times, it means creating and/or holding space for them to struggle, explore, grow, and choose their path. At times, it means letting them go. And, it always means putting their needs in front of my own.
The nature of my role as a psychologist inevitably leads to transitions in my relationships with my clients. Whether that relationship is a few sessions or a few months or many years, when it ends I always experience a complex and rich mix of feelings. From joy, pride, and excitement at my clients growth and accomplishments; to frustration when they make choices that I see may lead to more pain; to a genuine sense of loss when they spread their wings and fly on their own. I feel it all. It is simply and profoundly human that when we love, we feel deeply.
While our horses are not human, we are. As we enter into relationships with our horses, it seems to work out best when we enter those relationships with deep caring and love. Not the cloying, grasping, self-serving kind of love that is about making ourselves feel good. Rather, the kind of love that demands courage. Love that honors, respects, and seeks the best for those we love.
Watching Justin with Kola grow together is a powerful inspiration for me. It is a reminder every day of what is possible when one commits to loving courageously. I am inspired to continued my pursuit of this kind of love with my clients and my horses. I know this will make my life and the life of others richer and all the transitions better. ~ Paul
One of my horsemanship mentors along the way talked about “a million transitions” as they extolled the power of transitions to make everything better. I was reminded of this yesterday. First, in our lesson with Stephanie Jennings and again later in the day as one of my long term clients transitioned to a new adventure which meant ending our work together.
I have watched Justin grow with Kola and have been there with him as he has struggled at times to find the best path forward. While their path forward has not always been seamless and smooth, I know that Justin has been driven by a deep and abiding love for this horse. While Justin worked on walk-trot transitions in order to help Kola’s canter departs, it got me thinking how the relationship seems to be the secret ingredient that makes transitions powerful.
Yesterday afternoon I said “good-bye for now” to a client of 13 years. I care deeply for my clients. Yes, even love them. It is who I am and I would not have it any other way. It is only by finding the courage to love that I find the strength to truly care for my clients. At times, this means sharing an uncomfortable “truth.” At other times, it means creating and/or holding space for them to struggle, explore, grow, and choose their path. At times, it means letting them go. And, it always means putting their needs in front of my own.
The nature of my role as a psychologist inevitably leads to transitions in my relationships with my clients. Whether that relationship is a few sessions or a few months or many years, when it ends I always experience a complex and rich mix of feelings. From joy, pride, and excitement at my clients growth and accomplishments; to frustration when they make choices that I see may lead to more pain; to a genuine sense of loss when they spread their wings and fly on their own. I feel it all. It is simply and profoundly human that when we love, we feel deeply.
While our horses are not human, we are. As we enter into relationships with our horses, it seems to work out best when we enter those relationships with deep caring and love. Not the cloying, grasping, self-serving kind of love that is about making ourselves feel good. Rather, the kind of love that demands courage. Love that honors, respects, and seeks the best for those we love.
Watching Justin with Kola grow together is a powerful inspiration for me. It is a reminder every day of what is possible when one commits to loving courageously. I am inspired to continued my pursuit of this kind of love with my clients and my horses. I know this will make my life and the life of others richer and all the transitions better. ~ Paul
Front-loading Gratitude
It has long been my practice to express my gratitude to my horses as I turn them out after a ride. It is an easy way to connect to gratitude as I am profoundly grateful for each horse, both as a being and for their willingness to partner with me (or at least tolerate my fumbling about). Last Monday, in our Casually Chaotic Conversation, I set my intention to change it up a bit. Instead of just connecting to gratitude after a ride, I committed to connect to gratitude before even approaching my horses in the pasture. I have to say I was blown away by the results of the shift.
By connecting to my gratitude up front, the entire focus of my gratitude shifted away from outcomes to potential and process. It turns out that I am a much kinder, more thoughtful, more attentive and more patient partner when I am in a grateful space. I dare say I experienced significantly more feel and had marginally better timing. I felt more connected and fully alive during each ride, even when things didn’t go as planned.
We talk all the time about the enormous power of initial conditions as they affect the unfolding of a ride or interaction with your horse. If you don’t already, I strongly encourage you try this shift with me. Connect to gratitude as you reach out to your horse before your ride and let us know how things change. ~ Paul
PC – @ErinGilmorePhotography @eringilmorephotos
It has long been my practice to express my gratitude to my horses as I turn them out after a ride. It is an easy way to connect to gratitude as I am profoundly grateful for each horse, both as a being and for their willingness to partner with me (or at least tolerate my fumbling about). Last Monday, in our Casually Chaotic Conversation, I set my intention to change it up a bit. Instead of just connecting to gratitude after a ride, I committed to connect to gratitude before even approaching my horses in the pasture. I have to say I was blown away by the results of the shift.
By connecting to my gratitude up front, the entire focus of my gratitude shifted away from outcomes to potential and process. It turns out that I am a much kinder, more thoughtful, more attentive and more patient partner when I am in a grateful space. I dare say I experienced significantly more feel and had marginally better timing. I felt more connected and fully alive during each ride, even when things didn’t go as planned.
We talk all the time about the enormous power of initial conditions as they affect the unfolding of a ride or interaction with your horse. If you don’t already, I strongly encourage you try this shift with me. Connect to gratitude as you reach out to your horse before your ride and let us know how things change. ~ Paul
PC – @ErinGilmorePhotography @eringilmorephotos
Reverie
There are some weeks that I sit to write and nothing comes to mind. I have come to treasure those times because in those moments I can allow my mind to wander. Reverie or time for mind wandering is such a gift. It can take us on adventures to lost worlds within ourselves or lead us to new discoveries of self, others and the world. Recently, a morning moment of reverie invited me to fly above my experience and see a pattern of my behavior across time, across my lifetime actually.
Many of you may know that Justin and I are working to grow Riding Far. When we committed to support the positive changes in our industry toward honoring the dignity of horse and rider in all things equestrian, we knew that meant building an organization of passionate, like-minded people. We knew we wanted to grow Riding Far and, grow our connections and relationships with the world of horses.
Like any great adventure there are road blocks and detours along the way. What I noticed the other morning is that my reflexive reaction to these bumps in the road, large and small, is to immediately feel stressed. And, my reflexive reaction to being stressed is to feel upset; sad or anxious or angry. In my reverie, I got curious. Why, when I am fully aware that I will meet challenges along my path, when accepting and overcoming these challenges brings me closer to my goals, do I still react with the same types of distress I have felt throughout my life?
I have decided I am going to play at changing this. While I will continue to used the tried and true strategies like gratitude and mindfulness, I am going to tackle this in a different way. I am going to make some room, both by myself and with those I love, to engage in reverie. I am going to take a step back and let my mind wonder and wander. I look forward sharing more insights and changes that I am sure to stumble over along the way.
Curious how you might use the gift of reverie in your life? ~ Paul
There are some weeks that I sit to write and nothing comes to mind. I have come to treasure those times because in those moments I can allow my mind to wander. Reverie or time for mind wandering is such a gift. It can take us on adventures to lost worlds within ourselves or lead us to new discoveries of self, others and the world. Recently, a morning moment of reverie invited me to fly above my experience and see a pattern of my behavior across time, across my lifetime actually.
Many of you may know that Justin and I are working to grow Riding Far. When we committed to support the positive changes in our industry toward honoring the dignity of horse and rider in all things equestrian, we knew that meant building an organization of passionate, like-minded people. We knew we wanted to grow Riding Far and, grow our connections and relationships with the world of horses.
Like any great adventure there are road blocks and detours along the way. What I noticed the other morning is that my reflexive reaction to these bumps in the road, large and small, is to immediately feel stressed. And, my reflexive reaction to being stressed is to feel upset; sad or anxious or angry. In my reverie, I got curious. Why, when I am fully aware that I will meet challenges along my path, when accepting and overcoming these challenges brings me closer to my goals, do I still react with the same types of distress I have felt throughout my life?
I have decided I am going to play at changing this. While I will continue to used the tried and true strategies like gratitude and mindfulness, I am going to tackle this in a different way. I am going to make some room, both by myself and with those I love, to engage in reverie. I am going to take a step back and let my mind wonder and wander. I look forward sharing more insights and changes that I am sure to stumble over along the way.
Curious how you might use the gift of reverie in your life? ~ Paul
Best Practices
I used to start all my presentations, seminars and clinics with a statement of gratitude. I thanked the group for the opportunity talk because it gave me an chance to reflect on my thoughts, feelings, knowledge and experience since the last time I spoke on that topic. I was always amazed at how much I learned in the in-between times. It didn’t seem to matter if it had been a week or a month or a year. There was always a new revelation, insight, or nugget of knowledge.
As I have become busier, I stopped that practice. I don’t know exactly when and I don’t know why. All I know is that it popped into my awareness this week as I was preparing for the Emotions in the Arena clinic.
I have been reading a book recommended by my friend Mike Simmons called “Look Again: The power of noticing what was always there.” Funny enough it opened my eyes to an amazingly important and powerful piece of the ways we can overcome fear and anxiety. It is a piece that I have always know and has been hiding in plain sight. I just had not noticed it. My new awareness of the powerful impact of habituation, both positive and negative, was incredibly exciting to me and will be an important part of what I present in future clinics.
One of the blessings of this realization is that is was just a starting point. It ignited in me a reflective curiosity that I used to experience all the time. A curiosity that energized the question, “What have I learned and how have I grown?” We talk about “best practices” all of the time. We usually are referring to the best way to do a job like teaching or training. I am inspired to think about “best practices” as those practices which bring out the best in myself.
I will start Emotions in the Arena a week from Monday with a statement of gratitude, simply because the opportunity to prepare and teach this course is and has been an opportunity to connect and continue to create my best self.
What are your best practices? ~ Paul
I used to start all my presentations, seminars and clinics with a statement of gratitude. I thanked the group for the opportunity talk because it gave me an chance to reflect on my thoughts, feelings, knowledge and experience since the last time I spoke on that topic. I was always amazed at how much I learned in the in-between times. It didn’t seem to matter if it had been a week or a month or a year. There was always a new revelation, insight, or nugget of knowledge.
As I have become busier, I stopped that practice. I don’t know exactly when and I don’t know why. All I know is that it popped into my awareness this week as I was preparing for the Emotions in the Arena clinic.
I have been reading a book recommended by my friend Mike Simmons called “Look Again: The power of noticing what was always there.” Funny enough it opened my eyes to an amazingly important and powerful piece of the ways we can overcome fear and anxiety. It is a piece that I have always know and has been hiding in plain sight. I just had not noticed it. My new awareness of the powerful impact of habituation, both positive and negative, was incredibly exciting to me and will be an important part of what I present in future clinics.
One of the blessings of this realization is that is was just a starting point. It ignited in me a reflective curiosity that I used to experience all the time. A curiosity that energized the question, “What have I learned and how have I grown?” We talk about “best practices” all of the time. We usually are referring to the best way to do a job like teaching or training. I am inspired to think about “best practices” as those practices which bring out the best in myself.
I will start Emotions in the Arena a week from Monday with a statement of gratitude, simply because the opportunity to prepare and teach this course is and has been an opportunity to connect and continue to create my best self.
What are your best practices? ~ Paul
Are We Well?
I have been in a reflective mood recently. Not really brooding reflection as I am sometimes prone to do but simply curious. I am like the little kid who repeatedly asks the question, “But why?,” over and over again.
One thing that has puzzled me is why we think about health and wellness in such fractured way. We will all have our own examples. We look for answers in different corners of our worlds when the “answer” is likely to be multifaceted.
The other thing that has made my puzzler sore is why we so often invest our energies in fixing problems that arise rather than focusing on creating overall wellness; wellness in our world, industry, communities, relationships, and in ourselves and our endeavors. How is it that wellness gets so easily lost?
One of the things I love about being a horseman in today’s world is the focus on equine wellness. Whether it is in shifting our training to more relational methods, implementing new understanding from the study equine neurology and biomechanics, or shifting our approaches to how we care for our equine partners outside of the time we are riding, competing or training.
More and more I am convinced that this is a crucial shift. Shifting our mindset towards prioritizing overall wellness. Not just wellness in our horses but wellness in ourselves… an EQUAL investment. Our sport naturally involves a deep connection between us and our horses, highlighting the importance of mutual well-being. By focusing on wellness, we can boost our performance, strengthen our bonds with our horses, bolster our joy, and set an example for the broader community.
What if we committed to caring for ourselves and our horses in equal measure? What would it take to make sure we and our horses get proper nutrition, regular exercise, and adequate rest?. Could we invest equally in injury prevention and management—whether it’s booking that physio appointment or ensuring you and your horse gets regular check-ups and treatments. By making physical wellness a priority, we can stay at the top of our game.
I don’t think I will ever really understand why our mental and emotional wellness gets so easily overlook. So much attention is paid to how our emotional state affects our horses. And, an enormous amount of time, energy and money is spent trying to help our horses find peace. We talk a lot about the pressures of competition and training, but I know that life by its nature is difficult. It is full of stressors. Investment in a healthy mind and heart helps with focus, decision-making, and overall enjoyment of the sport and life (for you and your horse). Investing in mental and emotional wellbeing and nurturing a positive mindset can enhance our performance and make the journey more enjoyable for both us and our horses.
Finally, we can’t forget our relationships. Our equestrian community is a vital part of our wellness. Building strong, supportive relationships with fellow riders, trainers, as well with our family and friends fosters a sense of belonging and mutual support. Participating in community activities, sharing knowledge, and helping each other through challenges can create a nurturing environment that benefits everyone.
I know some might find this funny to hear this but the same is true for our equine partners. Our horses are social creatures as well. They benefit from many of the same community supports. While they have little say in how we manage their care, yet our approach to caring for them can have a huge impact. It only makes sense to invest in fostering strong, consistent, positive relationships with and between our horses.
So before I stop puzzling I have one more question for you. What would it take for you to make investment in overall wellness your default setting? I really want to know. ~ Paul
I have been in a reflective mood recently. Not really brooding reflection as I am sometimes prone to do but simply curious. I am like the little kid who repeatedly asks the question, “But why?,” over and over again.
One thing that has puzzled me is why we think about health and wellness in such fractured way. We will all have our own examples. We look for answers in different corners of our worlds when the “answer” is likely to be multifaceted.
The other thing that has made my puzzler sore is why we so often invest our energies in fixing problems that arise rather than focusing on creating overall wellness; wellness in our world, industry, communities, relationships, and in ourselves and our endeavors. How is it that wellness gets so easily lost?
One of the things I love about being a horseman in today’s world is the focus on equine wellness. Whether it is in shifting our training to more relational methods, implementing new understanding from the study equine neurology and biomechanics, or shifting our approaches to how we care for our equine partners outside of the time we are riding, competing or training.
More and more I am convinced that this is a crucial shift. Shifting our mindset towards prioritizing overall wellness. Not just wellness in our horses but wellness in ourselves… an EQUAL investment. Our sport naturally involves a deep connection between us and our horses, highlighting the importance of mutual well-being. By focusing on wellness, we can boost our performance, strengthen our bonds with our horses, bolster our joy, and set an example for the broader community.
What if we committed to caring for ourselves and our horses in equal measure? What would it take to make sure we and our horses get proper nutrition, regular exercise, and adequate rest?. Could we invest equally in injury prevention and management—whether it’s booking that physio appointment or ensuring you and your horse gets regular check-ups and treatments. By making physical wellness a priority, we can stay at the top of our game.
I don’t think I will ever really understand why our mental and emotional wellness gets so easily overlook. So much attention is paid to how our emotional state affects our horses. And, an enormous amount of time, energy and money is spent trying to help our horses find peace. We talk a lot about the pressures of competition and training, but I know that life by its nature is difficult. It is full of stressors. Investment in a healthy mind and heart helps with focus, decision-making, and overall enjoyment of the sport and life (for you and your horse). Investing in mental and emotional wellbeing and nurturing a positive mindset can enhance our performance and make the journey more enjoyable for both us and our horses.
Finally, we can’t forget our relationships. Our equestrian community is a vital part of our wellness. Building strong, supportive relationships with fellow riders, trainers, as well with our family and friends fosters a sense of belonging and mutual support. Participating in community activities, sharing knowledge, and helping each other through challenges can create a nurturing environment that benefits everyone.
I know some might find this funny to hear this but the same is true for our equine partners. Our horses are social creatures as well. They benefit from many of the same community supports. While they have little say in how we manage their care, yet our approach to caring for them can have a huge impact. It only makes sense to invest in fostering strong, consistent, positive relationships with and between our horses.
So before I stop puzzling I have one more question for you. What would it take for you to make investment in overall wellness your default setting? I really want to know. ~ Paul
TURN INSIGHT INTO ACTION
THIS IS MORE THAN YOUR TYPICAL SPORT PSYCHOLOGY OR HORSE TRAINING.
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