Sport psychology

Psych Saturday – What Does It Take? … Engagement (and I mean yours)

By |2023-01-14T10:34:10-05:00January 14, 2023|Categories: Sport psychology|

Psych Saturday – What Does It Take? … Engagement (and I mean yours)
I follow a few classical dressage groups on FaceBook these days. Sometimes I wonder why I do this. I am frequently disheartened by comments made on people’s posts. The way people choose to share their knowledge and opinions are often sharp, declarative, and portray a degree of certainty or expertise that I find off-putting. Setting aside the comments that are mean-spirited or shaming, I often wonder how people achieved such an advanced level in their riding knowledge and skill. It is relatively easy to state allegiance to a set of principles or training objectives. It is profoundly more difficult to apply those principles effectively and achieve those objectives in your riding and relationship with your horse. I don’t know about you, but nothing in my riding seems to go exactly like it is laid out in any of the hundreds of books, videos, and clinics I have gobbled up. It seems to me that it is all in the digestion and, I have to admit, I have frequent heartburn and indigestion.
Earlier this week I had a new client that expressed her doubt about whether our work together would help. She asked how my telling her to feel “this way or that way” in the difficult situations she was facing was going to be remotely helpful. In that moment I felt profound compassion. I thought about my 48 years of riding and how often I had heard the correction, instruction or command to do something different. I thought about how immensely difficult it has been, even with my clear understanding, to turn that input into effective action. I thought about the moments that I felt I had “gotten it right” only to feel lost the next day or week. I thought about all the times I felt like I had mastered something with my horse only to flounder in a ride on another horse. I also thought about the almost 35 years that I have devoted my professional career, searching for effective ways to help people create change within themselves. I knew at that moment that she was right. If all I did was to tell her how it should be, nothing would change.
Early in my career, one of my most loved and trusted mentors, Dr. Marc Nemiroff, would talk about the art of psychotherapy. He was not against evidenced-based treatments or research. Rather, he had a deep and lived experience of the uniqueness of each individual and an appreciation for what it took to help individuals grow and change. He was bright, knowledgeable, and experienced to be sure. More importantly, he was humble, kind, and compassionate as well as hopeful, passionate, persistent, curious and connected. He understood that his clients needed more that a pronouncement of what should be and devoted his career to helping them engage in the process of empowerment, self-understanding, growth and change.
When I sit down with my new client, my goal will be to offer all that I have learned. Not in an effort to demonstrate what I know, but in an effort to assist them in envisioning a path forward and helping them to engage in the sometimes difficult process of taking daily steps forward. In order to accomplish this, my clients will have to know where they want to go – how they want to think, feel, and behave. More importantly, they will need to understand themselves and the step-by-step process of change. I will do my best to provide them the knowledge, support and connection they will need to succeed in this challenging endeavor. In the end, the outcome will be, in large part, determined by my clients effort and engagement.
If you are reading this post, I imagine that you will also read a post in the near future written by someone who is seeking input on their riding or the development of their horse. My hope is that before you respond, you take a moment to remember what it takes…engagement in the process of growth and change. Then respond to that post with more than just judgement and pronouncements of correctness. Respond with the compassion and encouragement that might help that person find the next steps on their journey, as well as the persistence and grit to stay engaged. Because, after all, that is what it takes.
~ Paul
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Meet Bugsy

By |2022-12-19T09:32:53-05:00December 19, 2022|Categories: Sport psychology|

About 2 months ago, an unexpected joy found her way into my life. Thanks to Abigail, Julia, Justin, and Tara, a nine-month-old emaciated stray from Arkansas, affectionately named Bugsy because of her extraordinary ears, joined our family. I wasn’t looking for another dog. In fact, I had been adamant about not adding to our pack of three. I often thought that when our oldest dog Curlie, a spry 18 years, passed on, I would think about getting a puppy. But, no new dogs until that time.

There are times in our lives when opportunities present themselves unexpectedly. We may not be ready for them, and we may not even be wanting them, but in some quiet place deep inside of us, we know that saying “Yes” is the right answer. Bugsy was one of those gifts from the universe. Perhaps it was the way she greeted everyone like they were an old friend, or the way she enthusiastically wrestled with our 4-year-old Basset mix, or the way she respectfully let Curlie be, or the way she mirrored our 10-year-old Jack Russel mix’s cat-like behavior when they were alone together. Still, she fit our home and our lives like a favorite old slipper.

Whether you call them gifts, blessings, or good fortune, these impactful opportunities or choices have a way of stirring us out of our well-worn routines and challenging our complacency. It is easy to focus solely on the positive. I love Bugsy’s snuggles and companionship. She is also a fabulous partner in play, tirelessly retrieving the ball or toy and respectfully depositing it at your feet. She is affectionate, kind, and respectful of my clients and offers a sense of connection and comfort for many who are apprehensive about starting therapy. However, that is not the whole story or the totality of her gift to me.

Bugsy is whip-smart and learns amazingly quickly. There is little room for me to indulge my negative emotions. One grumpy, irritated snap or quick grab to “catch her,” and I am repairing the insult to our relationship for days. She elevates my self-awareness and re-energizes my commitment to managing both my emotions and my behavior.

There are also times when, for reasons unknown, she is a destructo-monkey. After weeks of sleeping peacefully and patiently in the car on her luxury dog bed as I worked with my horses, she chose one day to chew through the strap of my $300 helmet, eat a hole in a $150 saddle pad, shred assorted papers and cups, and then start on seat belt modifications. 

I remember the sinking feeling as I discovered the damage. Then, there was the rising anger and frustration. Finally, there was a flash of self-awareness and a pause where I had one of those amazing “blinding flash of the obvious” moments. I was able to comprehend that she was simply being a puppy. This was not about me, not filled with malevolent intent. The only thing that was about me was the need to take responsibility for forgetting she was a puppy and creating a context in which all of the destruction could happen. That moment gave me the opportunity to practice perspective-taking, awareness of another’s experience, and patient acceptance to boot.

This may be one of the greatest gifts arising from my relationship with Bugsy. The greatest because it applies to every relationship in my life. It applies equally to my marriage and family and my relationships with my clients. And it goes without saying that is also an essential awareness in my relationship with my non-human animal friends. 

I eagerly look forward to the adventures that Bugsy will bring into my life.  I relish the opportunity for learning and growth. I also wish that each of you is blessed in similar ways.  That you are presented unexpected gifts from the universe to which you get to say “yes.” And, in that “yes,” you get to experience the gifts of joy and challenges that they bring.

~ Paul

PC – Bella Barr

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Are You Available for Learning?

By |2022-02-19T11:43:53-05:00February 19, 2022|Categories: Sport psychology|

Have you every been in a lesson and found yourself distracted, down on yourself, anxious, or afraid?  I think that all of have been there to one degree or another.  What I would love for you to reflect on is the question, “In those moments, how available were you to taking in new information and learning?” There is a tipping point for each of us.  As our feelings get stronger there is a moment where those feelings shut down our ability to think, as well as our curiosity, interest, and outward attention. 

This process is natural and is not a cause for concern if we have the understanding and tools to effectively deal with our negative thoughts and feelings, and bring our learning selves back on line.  I have written at length in the past about personal strategies to regulate strong emotions.  They include skills and practices like breath work, mindfulness, imagery, resourcing, reframing, and many more. However, today I don’t necessarily want to speak to the riders.  Rather, I want to address, or rather support, the instructors and trainers.

It occurred to me decades ago that the vast majority of riding instructors never receive any formal training in the science and art of teaching.  Instead, they struggle through, using trial and error. They get some support from colleagues, usually around the most difficult teaching situations. Yet, mostly it is sink or swim. Over the years, I have enjoyed providing support to instructors by talking through difficult teaching situations, helping them better understand the nature of their students, and providing them strategies designed to help their students learn.

Recently, I had the honor of presenting on this topic to the USEA Instructor Certification Program’s educational symposium.  My talk was focused on opening a window or two that would guide these instructors to essential information, helping them elevate their teaching and their student’s experiences. One of those windows was on creating positive learning environments and a culture which promotes psychological safety.

A positive learning environment and psychological safety are essential. They are essential because without them many, if not most, of our students will be unavailable for learning. We are all born with an innate drive for safety and security, as well as a drive for curiosity, exploration, and play. When we feel threatened, our drive for safety and security wins out every time.  The way it does this is by shutting down the parts of our brain that support our curiosity and are essential for learning. 

There is long standing attitude in our sport where verbal abuse, yelling, and screaming masquerade as lessons in toughness. The ability to tolerate this aggression is seen somehow as a badge of honor. Some might argue that they learned to ride well in this culture. My argument would be that if they learned to ride well, they learned despite this culture rather than because of it.

As an instructor, if you want your students to succeed and get the most out of their lessons and other learning experiences with you, invest in your stable’s culture.  Create an environment in which students are respected, valued, and connected to something larger than themselves.  This investment will pay off in spades. Your students will be eternally grateful. As a student, we can help our teachers understand what we need to stay win the right side of that tipping point, keep our curiosity and learning brain online, and make sure that we are available to learn.

~ Paul

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The Hidden Key to High Performance

By |2021-06-26T09:41:58-04:00June 26, 2021|Categories: Sport psychology|

I spend a lot of time reading, listening to podcasts, and attending trainings on high performers and performance psychology.  As a geek and techie from way back (think technological stone age), I am as excited as the next person about the latest neuro-psycho-bio hack.  I love the advancement of our knowledge and understanding where it connects to human performance.  I make it my business to stretch myself, learn new skills, and integrate the new and exciting with what I already know to be helpful.

One of the measures I use to evaluate new discoveries and ideas is how well they align with core ideas from a variety of different perspectives and disciplines.  While I never summarily dismiss ideas that are “way out there,” I have always been an integrationist and get excited when ideas converge and I discover the commonalities from different ideological camps. One of these points of convergence relates to the underlying foundations of high performance.  That is the fundamental importance of human wellness as a foundation for high performance.

Surprisingly, wellness can be a difficult term to define.  My favorite definition so far has been offered by Dan Siegel, MD.  In his book Mind: A journey to the heart of being human he offers the acronym FACES to point to what he considers the foundational aspects of wellness; Flexible, Adaptive, Cohesive, Energized, and Stable.  As helpful and interesting as these target attributes of wellness might be, it was Dr. Siegel’s description of a well functioning system which he believes underscores human wellness that really captured my imagination.

At the risk of oversimplifying, a well functioning system is one where there is an open and free flow of energy and information between all the different parts of the system.  I was working with a rider yesterday and I was reminded of of deeply influential these ideas are in my work.  It is hard for me to imagine any suggestion or intervention I make that is not easily described in these terms. In yesterdays session we talked about building physiological awareness (flow of energy and information between our body and our conscious mind).  We later talked about mindfulness as a foundation for growing emotional tolerance and reducing reactivity (flow of energy and information between attentional systems, conscious thought, emotional systems and behavioral systems).  

The bottom line is that we can hack away making use of the latest research and information about neurobiology or physiology or psychology to enhance our performance; but, if we don’t attend to our fundamental wellness as human beings it is a lost cause.  The hidden key to high performance is wellness.  The hidden key to wellness is integration.  We need to nurture and care for each “part” of ourselves and, we need to invest in the healthy integration of body, mind, and spirit. If we invest in our overall wellness we open the doors to reach our peak potential. ~ Paul

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The Power and Promise of Collaboration

By |2021-05-07T12:27:25-04:00May 7, 2021|Categories: Horsemanship, Sport psychology|

     I have always been fascinated and excited when I discover similarities or commonalities in different systems. Whether that is a repeated pattern in different people, or a commonality across species, or an identifiable dynamic in different systems. My eyes light up when I notice these connections. Perhaps this is because, by my very nature as a human, I am desperate to notice patterns and predict what is going to happen in order to survive in this world. However, I like to think it is more a result of my curiosity and my interest in helping people. You see, it is my experience that the awareness and understanding of patterns and similarities that exist across species and relational systems are often the key in helping people progress toward their goals.
     I think this is what people mean when they say that “horses are our mirrors.” In their interactions with horses they become aware of a pattern that they recognize either within themselves or in their relationships with others. At times, these patterns represent positive and adaptive qualities. At other times, the patterns are unproductive or perhaps even destructive.
     Learning and growth is all about creating new patterns. This can happen by learning and adopting entirely new and different patterns of thought, emotion, behavior, and/or interaction. Or, this can can be accomplished by shifting old patterns through smaller changes. The challenge is often recognizing our patterns, both good and bad. And, at the same time, growing our awareness of the possibility of new and different ways of being. Simple awareness of existing patterns without openness and connection to the possibility of growth only leads to self-judgment and despair.
     Connecting to a world of possibility, growth, and change requires us to be open to others. We seek out instructors and mentors in order to open doors and windows to growth. As insightful or gifted as an instructor can be, I am always aware that each mentor (I include myself in this) is limited by their own knowledge and experience. In seeking out new ideas, how can we prevent ourselves from being tossed around in a sea of different and contrasting perspectives? How do we know when a new and different approach has value?
     The answer to these questions is not simple. I can only share with you how I approach this in my own life and horsemanship. First and foremost, I connect to core values. For me these are compassion, empathy, integrity, passion, and respect for horse and rider. I look for these in every mentor I seek out. Second, I look for the spirit of collaboration.
     True collaboration is an amazing thing. When people collaborate with each other they are saying, “I have something to offer” and “I have something to learn” at the same time. My advice for you as you look to advance your horsemanship and grow as an individual is to surround yourself with people that embody this true spirit of collaboration and approach every interaction, especially those with your horse, this way.
     Have an amazing day. ~ Paul
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Are You a Life-Long Learner

By |2021-04-02T08:48:06-04:00April 2, 2021|Categories: Sport psychology|Tags: , , , , |

There have been many times in my life where I realized that I have only given lip service to the idea of being a “life long learner.” Sure, I would read, consult with colleagues, and attend conferences and clinics, but what I realized was that I often limited myself by drinking from the same fountains of knowledge over and over again. I had decided ahead of time what knowledge and skill sets were useful and, to a large extent, disregarded the rest.  

I am eternally grateful to the many friends and colleagues I have met along the way who opened my eyes and invited me to consider the value of different perspectives; Arieahn Motamonasa, PhD, Joe Lancia, DO, and Molly Sweeney just to name a few.  Everything I read these days reinforces this lesson.  A few months ago I read a book on trauma entitled, The Body Keeps the Score.  In addition to the thoughtful presentation of the current knowledge and research on trauma, Dr. van der Kolk shared his journey in exploring wide ranging approaches to trauma treatment from psychopharmacology to psychodrama.  His curiosity and openness to these varied ideas and approaches is inspiring.

My sister Susan Haefner is an accomplished actress with several Broadway appearances.  Sue and I often share our experiences and insights gained in our respective work.  When she talks about her teaching and coaching work, I am struck by how valuable many of those lessons would be for my clients who are dealing with mental blocks, show jitters or performance anxiety.  I muse about how singing lessons might help my clients free up their diaphragm and improve their breathing while riding. Or, how acting lessons might engage my clients imagination and help them to more easily enter and hold onto their desired performance mindset.

Justin and I frequently have wide ranging conversations.  We talk about physics, spirituality, psychology, equine ethology, osteopathy (and so many other topics) as well as our recreational activities and experiences like guitar, ballroom dancing, books we have read, meditation, yoga, and relationships.  We regularly get to explore and share the insights we gained and how they relate to our horsemanship.  

So, in the spirit of expanding stretching ourselves, expanding our boundaries, and living up to the true meaning of life-long learning; explore something new in the world.  Email my sister and take some acting or singing lessons.  Take up ballroom dancing.  Learn a new instrument.  Read a book about something you know little or nothing about.  You may be surprised how it can transform you and your experiences with your horse. And, if your horses are anything like mine, they will thank you… Paul

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Casual Conversations: A Word on Safety

By |2021-01-19T13:41:16-05:00January 19, 2021|Categories: Sport psychology|Tags: , , , , |

In this week’s Casual Conversation Justin talks about safety, the judgements we make about safety, and what he considers to be the most import considerations. Casual Conversations are a series of clips from a conversation that Paul and Justin had about their journeys, insights into humans and horses, the nature of fear, pathways to growth, and much, much more. If you have missed the past clips, you can find them on our Facebook page or watch them on our YouTube channel – Riding Far, LLC

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Casual Conversations: Dr. Paul’s personal struggles in his horsemanship.

By |2021-01-06T14:28:04-05:00December 16, 2020|Categories: Sport psychology|Tags: , , , , , |

In this week’s Casual Conversation Dr. Paul talks about his personal struggles in developing his horsemanship. Casual Conversations are a series of clips from a conversation that Paul and Justin had about their journeys, insights into humans and horses, the nature of fear, pathways to growth, and much, much more. If you have missed the past clips, you can find them on our Facebook page or watch them on our YouTube channel – Riding Far, LLC

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Casual Conversations – Justin’s Journey: From Knowledge to Awareness

By |2020-12-08T17:40:35-05:00December 8, 2020|Categories: Sport psychology|

In this week’s Casual Conversation Justin talks about the importance of awareness and how he actively works to transform information and knowledge into practical, applied awareness. Casual Conversations are a series of clips from a conversation that Paul and Justin had about their journeys, insights into humans and horses, the nature of fear, pathways to growth, and much, much more. If you missed the earlier clips are sure to check them out.

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Casual Conversations – Justin’s Journey: Nurturing Informed Intuition

By |2020-12-02T07:46:13-05:00December 2, 2020|Categories: Sport psychology|

Casual Conversations continue… a series of clips from a conversation that Paul and Justin had about their journeys, insights into humans and horses, the nature of fear, pathways to growth, and much, much more. Enjoy this clip where Justin talks about developing and nurturing his informed intuition about horses. Enjoy… #transformation #sportpsychology

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