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WE SUPPORT, CHALLENGE AND INSPIRE EQUESTRIANS

We hope you will enjoy our insights in the forms of Casual Conversations, videos and articles aimed at helping the equestrian transform their relationships with their horses. We are passionate about sharing our knowledge, tips, tricks, and experiences.

Self-Aware or In-the-Moment: Conflict or complement

May 13, 2025

I was talking with a client this week. At one point in our discussion we chatted about getting out of our heads, quieting the inner critic and our disparaging self-talk. Later, we got to exploring the process of change and the importance of self-awareness. I am embarrassed to say that, for the first time, I realized the inherent contradiction of these two very helpful perspectives. So, I thought I would take a crack at exploring it here.
Both self-awareness and presence have their place in our horsemanship. Self-awareness helps us shift our thoughts and feelings, change our attitudes, and refine their technique. However, too much of it pulls us out of the moment and we can get stuck in our heads. Presence allows for fluid communication with our horse, but without reflection, we can easily get lost in unhelpful habits.
Self-awareness is like having a riding coach living in your mind. It’s what allows us to notice our posture, leg position, body tension, reactions, thoughts and feelings. Without our riding instructor pointing out our uneven hand position or the unfortunate timing of our aids, we might never be able to notice these things in ourselves and learn to self-correct. Self-awareness is a powerful tool for growth, but it can also turn into a loop of self-doubt.
For some of us, self-awareness can feel like a spotlight shining just a bit too brightly. We can become hyper-aware of every aspect of our riding experience. This kind of hyper focused awareness can become paralyzing. We might start second-guessing everything we do and, in turn, disrupt the natural flow of our riding. This can make our riding feel labored, stiff, or mechanical instead of smooth and connected.
Being “in the moment” is a lot like dancing with a partner who speaks a different language. It requires full attention on the horse’s movements, energy, and signals. When we’re fully present, we feel every subtle shift in the horse’s body, and our responses are instinctive, not calculated. It’s the state where trust and communication flow seamlessly.
But, if we are always in the moment how do we grow? How do we know when something needs to change? And, how do we know what we are doing and what we are responsible for in our relationship with our horse.
Here’s where things get tricky. Self-awareness and presence both demand our attention, but in different ways. Self-awareness points inward — “What is going on inside me?” — while presence points outward — “What am I sensing/experiencing as I interact with the world?” When we’re focused inward and hyper-aware of your own riding, we’re too busy thinking to fully listen to your horse. When we are totally in the moment, we lose the ability for critical analysis and the ability to self-correct.
In psychology, this internal conflict is described by “dual-process theory.” Our brains have two modes: fast, automatic thinking (presence) and slow, deliberate thinking (self-awareness). Riders need both. Automatic thinking allows riders to react to a sudden spook, while deliberate thinking helps them learn proper form and technique. Too much of either can be a problem. Lean too far into self-awareness, and we can become frozen or unresponsive. Lean too far into presence, and we might overlook technical flaws or “less than optimal” patterns of behavior..
If self-awareness and presence feel like a tug-of-war, how do we find balance? The good news is we don’t have to “win” the battle. We just need to be able to shift from one to the other. Here are a few thoughts that might help:
Notice the Shift: If you catch yourself overthinking during a ride, acknowledge it. *”Ah, I’m stuck in my head again.”* This awareness helps you step back into presence.
Mindful Self-Awareness: Treat self-awareness as a coach, not a critic. Instead of thinking, *”I’m so bad at this transition,”* think, *”I’m noticing my timing is off. I can work on that.”* This approach is gentler and more productive.
Flow Activities Off the Horse: Practice activities that encourage flow, like yoga or dance. These activities train your mind to move between self-awareness and presence more smoothly.
Body-Based Practices: Use your body as an anchor. Focus on your breath, the feel of the reins, or the sway of the horse’s back. These physical sensations pull you out of your head and into the moment.
Practice with Intention: Break rides into “focus zones.” Spend part of your ride working on specific technical skills (engaging self-awareness), then shift into a period of free-flow riding (engaging presence).
Practice Acceptance: Sometimes, self-consciousness happens. If you feel anxious or critical, acknowledge it. *”Okay, I’m feeling nervous today.”* Naming it often reduces its intensity, allowing you to re-engage with your horse.
The battle between self-awareness and presence is part of being human. We need self-awareness to improve our riding, but we need presence to truly connect. Instead of treating them as rivals, we can think of them as partners in a dance, working to master the art of shifting between these states. I am curious. How do you balance awareness with presence? ~ Paul

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One of my favorite quotes comes from a book called “The Road Less Travelled” by M. Scott Peck.. I honestly don’t remember most of the book but, I remember the opening lines. It goes like this:
“Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult-once we truly understand and accept it-then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.”
Many of my clients over the years have expressed the wish for their relationship with their horse to be positive, stable, simple, and fun. I have certainly wanted that. Wouldn’t it be great to go for a trail ride or enter a show without worrying about a worried horse. Or have a horse that responds effortlessly to my aids. Or a horse didn’t come up lame right before the clinic.Or a horse that didn’t threaten to colic or founder. Or a horse that didn’t hurt themselves in the field that we carefully combed for threats and dangers.
There have been times where I have even felt that there must be something wrong with me that I faced these challenges with my horses. The old, “Other people don’t have these problems. Why me?”
Yesterday a picture of my daughter-in-law Tara and Revel showed up on my phone. It filled my heart with joy and brought tears to my eyes. For those of you that don’t know, I foaled Revel out. He has been my one of my greatest loves and greatest challenges. Our relationship has enriched my experience. From hospital stays in the Fairfax Hospital neurology department to large vet bills. From self-imposed battles in the arena to wild and free gallops across the countryside.
Revel can still be a challenge and Tara has done a beautiful job of building a partnership with him. She has been patient and courageous and persistent. I love to watch their relationship grow.
My reflection this morning is that life is beautiful and terrible, exciting and exasperating, inspiring and challenging, and so much more. I will except this truth, all of it, because in acceptance of what is I enter the true richness of the human experience: its lowest depths, its greatest peaks, and everything in between. ~ Paul

Richness

May 13, 2025

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Routine and Relationships

April 29, 2025

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I remember last summer when my mare Nubble and I played ranch hand for the day. We had a project of checking and fixing the fences around the property. We walked all the fence lines and cantered back and forth to the garage and the barn to get tools and supplies. She grazed casually while I worked on tacking up boards and splicing electric fence. We “did stuff” together.

When I think back to that day, I can’t help but wonder how much our relationship grew. The simple change of focus from “working on” to “working with” felt profoundly different; satisfying and rich. To borrow a sentiment from the Grinch Who Stole Christmas… it felt like our hearts grew 10 sizes that day.

Justin and Tara hosted Thanksgiving on the farm this year. In addition to family, our good friends and co-workers Maleina and Selene (with her partner Caiden) joined us for the festivities. We cooked and ate and sang and played silly games and ate some more. What a joy to spend time together and get to know each other in a different way.

Our team is fantastic and works very well together. We love our day to day routines and feel proud of how we serve our customers and care for our horses. Yet, it is days like this Thanksgiving, when we step out of our routines and laugh, play, and share an amazing meal, that our bond and connection grow.

The team was back at work the next day. I can’t speak for everyone, but I know that my heart is full and I feel energized as I step into the weeks to come. I am also excited to find more ways to celebrate and play. I feel confident that my relationships with everyone in my life, horses and human, will benefit. ~ Paul

[/fusion_title][fusion_imageframe custom_aspect_ratio=”35″ lightbox=”no” linktarget=”_self” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” align_medium=”none” align_small=”none” align=”none” hover_type=”none” magnify_duration=”120″ scroll_height=”100″ scroll_speed=”1″ caption_style=”off” caption_align_medium=”none” caption_align_small=”none” caption_align=”none” caption_title_tag=”2″ animation_direction=”left” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_delay=”0″ filter_hue=”0″ filter_saturation=”100″ filter_brightness=”100″ filter_contrast=”100″ filter_invert=”0″ filter_sepia=”0″ filter_opacity=”100″ filter_blur=”0″ filter_hue_hover=”0″ filter_saturation_hover=”100″ filter_brightness_hover=”100″ filter_contrast_hover=”100″ filter_invert_hover=”0″ filter_sepia_hover=”0″ filter_opacity_hover=”100″ filter_blur_hover=”0″ aspect_ratio_position=”33% 1%” image_id=”2910|full”]https://ridingfar.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/Psych-Sat-5.jpg[/fusion_imageframe][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

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Yesterday marked the end of my 62nd trip around the sun. My celebration started the evening before when my good friend Maleina dropped off the most amazing carrot cake and a fabulous mug covered with pictures of me and my mare Nubble at a barn staff meeting.

The actual birthday kicked off with my “birthday banner”, a family tradition where good friends and family share their experience of you. The banner is always a mix of gooey heartfelt appreciation and good-hearted teasing fun. This year was no exception.

The day continued with my favorite thing, warm loving attention. My wife Pam doted on me all day, We had breakfast with a good friend that shares my birthday. I received texts and calls from family and friends. I met with several clients; work that always fills my heart and warms my soul. A quiet dinner with Pam and, of course, dancing.

This morning I jumped on Facebook. I had seen the posts and comments and DM’s come in over the course of the day yesterday. I had reacted or responded to most of them. But, this morning I went through them and reflected on how I knew each person and the relationship I had with each one.

When I was a young man I often worried about whether I would be successful. I came to view success as having a positive impact on those with whom I lived and worked. I woke this morning realizing that in some ways I had only gotten it half right. I think a better measure of success is not so much about how I impact others but how deeply connected I am, appreciating how others meaningfully impact me and my life.

As I remember and reflect on my connections with the people and horses and dogs and cats and fish (that’s a story for another day) who have shared in my journey, I truly appreciate that I am rich beyond measure. I want to thank each and every one of you for the impact you have had on me and the richness you have brought to my life. Let’s stay connected… really connected. ~ Paul

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Connected… Really Connected

April 29, 2025

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Elusive Strengths

April 26, 2025

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I noticed a trend in my work this week. Well, really, a trend throughout my career. Most people have a really hard time identifying their strengths.

Whenever I teach a clinic, whether I am working with instructors or riders, I start the group by having participants introduce themselves and share one thing they are challenged by and one thing they are really good at… You guessed it. The challenges come popping out spontaneously, one after the other. Identifying their strengths is consistently the struggle.

I often wonder why we have such a hard time naming and claiming our strengths. Working from our strengths, even when addressing our weaknesses, is fundamental to to almost every endeavor: performing, competing, learning, and teaching. Yet, either we manage to keep ourselves in the dark about our best qualities or, we are somehow embarrassed to claim them and bring them to the world.

Their is no shame in having talents, skills, abilities, and positive personal qualities. Nor is their shame in having areas we struggle and desire to grow. An honest assessment of ourselves provides a solid foundation for growth. Let’s claim all of who we are. ~ Paul

PC – Erin Gilmore Photography

#Strength #horses #PersonalStrengths #HonestSelfAssessment #equestrian #equestrianlife #sportpsych #equestriansportpsych #sportpsychology #equestriansportpsychology #RidingFar

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Justin and I have been presenting at the Leadership Adventures 2024 Equine Assisted Learning Summit this weekend. What a joyous and inspiring event. Our presentation later today is entitled The Art of Allowing. We are exploring how to leverage the qualities and characteristics of complex systems theory to help guide our engagement in the process of growth.

Heady topic, I know. But, the application is simple and powerful. There are dynamics in this world which are simply the a reflection of its complexity. Here are a few…

There is a drive for self-organization. Left alone complex systems move toward organized and stable patterns. Think personality.
They are emergent. The whole is greater than the sum of the parts. Characteristics of the system arise from the interaction of the parts rather than from the parts themselves and can not be predicted by the characteristics of the parts. We are all more than our organ systems.

They are interconnected. Parts of a complex system are interdependent and connected to each other and the environment through a flow of energy and information. Mind-body connection for example.

They are sensitive to initial conditions (non-linear). Small changes in initial conditions can lead to large changes in outcomes over time. The effects are not proportional to causes. This is the butterfly effect.

Finally, a well functioning complex system has an open flow of energy and information between its parts. When that flow breaks down, the system becomes rigid and/or chaotic until that block to the flow is reopened allowing the system to reintegrate. This, by the way, describes all of human psychopathology and every behavioral issue in horses.

Our point today is a simple one. When fostering growth in ourselves, others, our horses, or our relationships; we must respect the complexity of the systems involved. We have the power to influence the initial conditions. We can present our best selves and set positive intentions, and do our best to open the flow of energy and information. Then we need to get out of the way and allow. Allow for the emergence of new and different qualities, characteristics experiences, and levels of organization.

This is the very first time we are presenting out reflections on complex systems theory in an organized way. We have done our best to prepare and create a set of initial conditions that we hope will increase the probability of a meaningful experience for all involved. So here it goes. We will honor the magic of complexity and… allow. ~ Paul

#equestrian ##sportpsych #equestriansportpsych #sportpsychology #equestriansportpsychology #complexity #complexsystemstheory #2024ealsummit #growth #braintrain #trainyournervoussystem #overcomingchallenge #emotionalneeds #equestrian #equestrianlife #sportpsych #equestriansportpsych #sportpsychology #equestriansportpsychology

[/fusion_title][fusion_imageframe aspect_ratio=”4-3″ custom_aspect_ratio=”35″ lightbox=”no” linktarget=”_self” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” align_medium=”none” align_small=”none” align=”none” hover_type=”none” magnify_duration=”120″ scroll_height=”100″ scroll_speed=”1″ caption_style=”off” caption_align_medium=”none” caption_align_small=”none” caption_align=”none” caption_title_tag=”2″ animation_direction=”left” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_delay=”0″ filter_hue=”0″ filter_saturation=”100″ filter_brightness=”100″ filter_contrast=”100″ filter_invert=”0″ filter_sepia=”0″ filter_opacity=”100″ filter_blur=”0″ filter_hue_hover=”0″ filter_saturation_hover=”100″ filter_brightness_hover=”100″ filter_contrast_hover=”100″ filter_invert_hover=”0″ filter_sepia_hover=”0″ filter_opacity_hover=”100″ filter_blur_hover=”0″ image_id=”2856|full”]https://ridingfar.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/psych-2-.jpg[/fusion_imageframe][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

The Climb to the Summit

February 18, 2025

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When Emotional Needs Collide

February 9, 2025

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A bit of history here for those that may not know me well. In 2013, my then young horse Revel spooked and took off. While I can’t tell you what happened next because I don’t remember, I know I ended up in the head trauma unit of Fairfax Hospital for overnight observation. In the summer of 2022, I took on a young Westphalian gelding Lil’Joe who was gifted to me because he had been bolting with his owner.

I know what you’re thinking… “What the hell were you thinking?” At least this seems to be the most common reaction. I could give you the emotional answer which is that I felt connected to this horse from the moment I first met him; all goofy and playful with his goat eaten tail. And, while that is true, I think the real answer is a much deeper one.

While I had worked through my experience with Revel, there was still a part of me that knew that I still didn’t have what was needed to help Revel at the time. I needed to find that in myself. Not just to “make things right” with Revel but to take responsibility for myself and have more to offer Lil’ Joe and all the other horses that would come into my life.

It has been quite a journey. Revel opened the door for me to learn how to grow through my intense fear. My clients have benefited enormously from what he taught me. Lil’ Joe has opened the door for to explore and retrain my nervous system. Like all of us, my nervous system works to keep me safe and seldom asks permission first. While some of the ways it responds informs my intuition and helps my decision making, many of my reactions work against me in the moment. Apparently, my nervous system doesn’t know much about horses.

Joe is one of those horses that is highly sensitive to his environment. No matter how relaxed he is in his work, he is only a hair’s breath away from high alert status. The work with him is always gradual. Gains are often almost imperceptible in the moment and accrue very slowly over time. It is always helpful to look back over several months to truly appreciate his progress.

One sticking point for him is the indoor arena (the only contained riding space on the farm larger than our round pen). It is not always a comfortable place for him. On the days when the gremlins run free, my work with him takes a large step back, helping him get reconnected and settled. Often sticking to ground work.

The other day, Justin and I were alone at the farm and had a chance to ride together for the first time in a while. We talked about where we were going to ride. He wanted to ride in the outdoor arena since the weather was so nice. The few times I had ridden Joe in the outdoor he was actually more relaxed than usual. Me not so much. I realized in that moment that our emotional needs did not align. I chose to meet Joe’s as best I could.

It was a beautiful ride. Joe was relaxed and regulated. We worked on building responsiveness to the aids with lightness. He stayed connected through the whole experience. I, on the other hand, struggled. I found myself internally distracted by unhelpful thoughts and repeatedly had to address my tension, both emotional and physical. It was a challenge to stay in the present and connect to the real experience of the ride.

It would be easy in that moment to get down on myself. I can be just as harshly self-critical as the next rider. It has helped me to appreciate that all of the intrusive thoughts and physical tension I experienced were simply my nervous system doing its best to take care of me. I have known for some time that my next personal growth agenda will be to train my nervous system to respond differently, to respond the reality of the moment rather than my past traumas. I have also known that my growth, like Lil’ Joe’s, will be slow and gradual.

If you are challenged by your nervous system in similar ways, join me in the process and commitment of training new, more adaptive responses. Training ourselves with deep personal understanding. Treating ourselves with kindness and compassion in the process. And, perhaps most of all, training ourselves with quiet consistency over time, appreciating even the smallest gains because that is the way that growth happens. ~ Paul

#growth #braintrain #trainyournervoussystem #overcomingchallenge #emotionalneeds #equestrian #equestrianlife #sportpsych #equestriansportpsych #sportpsychology #equestriansportpsychology

[/fusion_title][fusion_imageframe aspect_ratio=”4-3″ custom_aspect_ratio=”35″ lightbox=”no” linktarget=”_self” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” align_medium=”none” align_small=”none” align=”none” hover_type=”none” magnify_duration=”120″ scroll_height=”100″ scroll_speed=”1″ caption_style=”off” caption_align_medium=”none” caption_align_small=”none” caption_align=”none” caption_title_tag=”2″ animation_direction=”left” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_delay=”0″ filter_hue=”0″ filter_saturation=”100″ filter_brightness=”100″ filter_contrast=”100″ filter_invert=”0″ filter_sepia=”0″ filter_opacity=”100″ filter_blur=”0″ filter_hue_hover=”0″ filter_saturation_hover=”100″ filter_brightness_hover=”100″ filter_contrast_hover=”100″ filter_invert_hover=”0″ filter_sepia_hover=”0″ filter_opacity_hover=”100″ filter_blur_hover=”0″ image_id=”2836|full”]https://ridingfar.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/IMG_7066-1-scaled.jpeg[/fusion_imageframe][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

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A letting go, pop, release, unwind, crescendo. These are just some of the words to describe the effect or outcome when I was guided, these last few days, to place my fingers on specific spots on a horse and meld, feel, invite, or offer my energy. The results were undeniable. They could be seen by everyone in the arena. As we often say in the equestrian world, “Horses don’t lie.”

The challenge for me was not in the action, the placement of a touch or the opening of awareness, it was in processing the language so that I could share in an understanding of what just happened and how.

I am participating in an Integrated Equine Therapies training this weekend with Grace McCoskey Keeton of Nova Equine Renovations and Bonnie Bemboom. As I participated in lectures and discussion, I was reminded once again of another powerful saying, “The map is not the territory.” I realized as I struggled to “read the map” they were offering, to understand the words they were using to describe and explain, that the words were just that… words.

It is natural for all of us to make meaning of our experience. It is also natural for all of us to want to predict the world and comfort ourselves by convincing ourselves that we “know.” The unfortunate thing is that we can easily fall into protecting our “knowing” by either dismissing the other “maps” or worse, persecuting anyone that suggests that our “map” is incomplete or inaccurate. Our history is filled with atrocities that were justified by defending the “truth” or what was “known.”

We live in a world that does this all the time. Think about our worship of science and the results of research. It has gone from a powerful method for expanding our understanding of the world to a kind of religion or demagoguery. The funniest, or perhaps saddest, part of it is that we take the results of a study or two that maps a tiny, tiny, tiny area and then use it as if it is a map of the world. Then, as if that isn’t enough, we disparage or dismiss anyone that tries to make meaning of our world and experience in a different way.

It is natural for us to want to connect and participate in shared meaning. I now realize that this is my goal throughout this training. Can I open myself up. Open myself up to the experience and explore the ways I interact with the world and horses beyond the 5 senses I have been indoctrinates to focus on. And… open myself to other maps of our world, our experience, and our healing without demanding they mirror my own. ~ Paul

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Words

February 7, 2025

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Imagination – It’s not just for the future anymore!

February 4, 2025

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For some reason the use of our imagination seems to have been indelibly linked to creativity and the future. Let’s be clear, I delight in the creative dimensions of imagination. We get to experience worlds that have never been and give form to our wishes and dreams. Using our imagination this way helps us open doors in ways that lived experience never can.

But, why stop there?

Our imagination is also a powerful tool that we can use to mine our past for riches and resources in our lived experience. And, it is a fabulous tool for practice. One hard truth of riding is that we are always limited in the practice repetitions when we ride. It is simply not like golf where you can grab a bucket of balls and practice your swing hundreds of time in one session.

Imagine how much progress you could make in on your riding if you could effectively navigate that challenging bending line like you did in your lesson yesterday or ride the amazing tempe changes you nailed in competition last week over, and over again. Just imagine. Just imagine. Yes… imagine because, in our imagination we can.

Reliving effective rides or movements in our imagination is a powerful tool for building skills and creating ease and automaticity. What I can’t imagine is that it’s uses stop there.

How do you use your imagination to progress in your riding?
~ Paul

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There is no single strategy for working through fear that will take you from start to finish. Even the most helpful strategy can be misapplied, mistimed, or overplayed. In fact. many of our roadblocks are either created or bolstered by overusing or overplaying a great and effective strategy.

It is helpful to think of the work of facing fear in phases: Preparation, Application and Approach, and Patient Persistence.

Preparation – Preparation is a lot like working out or practicing basic skills. It involves learning strategies to better regulate your nervous system and grow your ability to lower your overall emotional activation. In order to grow your mental fitness, it is extremely important to practice these skills and techniques away any from intensely triggering stimuli.

Approach and Application – Well armed with your practiced skills and strategies and increased mental fitness. It is now time to approach your fear and apply your tools and techniques. It is not enough to simply think about pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. It important to know both how far out over the line to push yourself and, how long to stay there. This will change from person to person. Ignoring these considerations will, at best, slow your progress and, more likely, make things worse.

Patient Persistence – After careful preparation and success applying your tools to better regulate your nervous system in fear inducing situations, it is now time to leverage your nervous systems capacity for habituation. In other words, ride your pants off. Timing is everything in this phase. If you push too hard before you have confidence in your ability to regulate yourself, you will likely find yourself retraumatized. If you don’t push hard enough, your nervous system will not habituate to the challenging situation or activity.

Next time you are tackling a fear or emotionally challenging situation, ask yourself if you have considered these phases of fear eradication. Honor each phase, even if you don’t rigidly work through the process step by step. You will thank yourself in the end. ~ Paul

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The Phases of Facing Fear

January 31, 2025

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