I have no idea where the old saying “When the going gets tough, the tough get going” originated. But I do know it reflects the rugged individualism and fierce self-reliance that seem to be woven into the American ethic. In the horse world, that attitude often shows up as “don’t be a wimp” or “cowboy up.” Unfortunately, it doesn’t stop there. It also influences how we treat our horses, and sometimes, how we treat the people around us.

Over my 25 years of working with riders and more than 38 years as a psychotherapist, I have seen the damage that mindset can cause when taken too far. I have also had the privilege of accompanying many people on their journey back from it. Together, we have walked the path of healing, courage, and rediscovery, finding strength not in toughness alone, but in connection, compassion, and care.

I am all for resilience. I believe in grit, in sustained effort, and in the commitment it takes to do something truly great. Growth often asks for discomfort, and sometimes even sacrifice. But what I have never understood is our contempt for vulnerability, our tendency to look down on fear, or to see tears as weakness. Those feelings are not signs of failure. They are the raw materials of courage.

More than ever, I believe in the power of connection. Every day, I see proof that amazing things happen when people and horses join together. I celebrate the growing movement toward relational horsemanship. I celebrate our increasing understanding that our strength as human beings is grounded in our relationships with others.

So now, when I hear the old saying, “When the going gets tough…” I find myself finishing it differently.

How would you finish it? ~ Paul

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