When I write on Saturday morning, you will usually find me holding one of two coffee mugs. One has a picture of me and my horse Nubble hanging out in front of the barn. The other holds two pictures of my sons. The first is Justin and Luke at about five and two years old. The second is from Justin’s wedding a little over two years ago. The caption on the mug reads, “Then… and now.”

This mug touches my heart in so many ways. Of course, there is the emotional tug, the deep love I have for my sons, and the pride and joy I feel as I watch who they are becoming. It also reminds me of one of the core roles I have played in people’s lives as a therapist over the past 38 years.

We talk a lot about grit, skills, and strategies. We talk about doing the work and challenging ourselves as pathways to growth. Yet none of these are enough if we continue to look at ourselves and our lives through the same old lens.

There are many ways to help shift perspective, but two stand out as especially meaningful.

The first is belief. When someone does not believe they can change, I often offer to let them borrow my belief in them until they are ready to carry it themselves.

My belief in my clients and their capacity to change is not sentimental fluff. It is hard earned. It has grown through decades of work and through bearing witness to the resilience and brilliance of people facing some of life’s most difficult challenges.

The second shift is becoming a more accurate historian of your own life. One thing we know is that people are terrible evaluators of their own progress. No matter how far we have come, there is a strong pull to dismiss all of it after a bad day or a rough patch.

In those moments, I help my clients step back and remember where they started. I remind them of the growth and change that has already taken place. Sometimes those shifts are big and obvious. Other times they are small and subtle. All of them matter.

When you begin a journey, whatever that journey may be, I encourage you to take a snapshot of where you are starting. Let it be as detailed as a photograph in sharp focus. As you move forward, you or a trusted partner can take more snapshots along the way. Over time, you will have the pieces to create your own “Then… and now.”

Perspective matters. ~ Paul

PC – Erin Gilmore Photography

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