About 2 months ago, an unexpected joy found her way into my life. Thanks to Abigail, Julia, Justin, and Tara, a nine-month-old emaciated stray from Arkansas, affectionately named Bugsy because of her extraordinary ears, joined our family. I wasn’t looking for another dog. In fact, I had been adamant about not adding to our pack of three. I often thought that when our oldest dog Curlie, a spry 18 years, passed on, I would think about getting a puppy. But, no new dogs until that time.
There are times in our lives when opportunities present themselves unexpectedly. We may not be ready for them, and we may not even be wanting them, but in some quiet place deep inside of us, we know that saying “Yes” is the right answer. Bugsy was one of those gifts from the universe. Perhaps it was the way she greeted everyone like they were an old friend, or the way she enthusiastically wrestled with our 4-year-old Basset mix, or the way she respectfully let Curlie be, or the way she mirrored our 10-year-old Jack Russel mix’s cat-like behavior when they were alone together. Still, she fit our home and our lives like a favorite old slipper.
Whether you call them gifts, blessings, or good fortune, these impactful opportunities or choices have a way of stirring us out of our well-worn routines and challenging our complacency. It is easy to focus solely on the positive. I love Bugsy’s snuggles and companionship. She is also a fabulous partner in play, tirelessly retrieving the ball or toy and respectfully depositing it at your feet. She is affectionate, kind, and respectful of my clients and offers a sense of connection and comfort for many who are apprehensive about starting therapy. However, that is not the whole story or the totality of her gift to me.
Bugsy is whip-smart and learns amazingly quickly. There is little room for me to indulge my negative emotions. One grumpy, irritated snap or quick grab to “catch her,” and I am repairing the insult to our relationship for days. She elevates my self-awareness and re-energizes my commitment to managing both my emotions and my behavior.
There are also times when, for reasons unknown, she is a destructo-monkey. After weeks of sleeping peacefully and patiently in the car on her luxury dog bed as I worked with my horses, she chose one day to chew through the strap of my $300 helmet, eat a hole in a $150 saddle pad, shred assorted papers and cups, and then start on seat belt modifications.
I remember the sinking feeling as I discovered the damage. Then, there was the rising anger and frustration. Finally, there was a flash of self-awareness and a pause where I had one of those amazing “blinding flash of the obvious” moments. I was able to comprehend that she was simply being a puppy. This was not about me, not filled with malevolent intent. The only thing that was about me was the need to take responsibility for forgetting she was a puppy and creating a context in which all of the destruction could happen. That moment gave me the opportunity to practice perspective-taking, awareness of another’s experience, and patient acceptance to boot.
This may be one of the greatest gifts arising from my relationship with Bugsy. The greatest because it applies to every relationship in my life. It applies equally to my marriage and family and my relationships with my clients. And it goes without saying that is also an essential awareness in my relationship with my non-human animal friends.
I eagerly look forward to the adventures that Bugsy will bring into my life. I relish the opportunity for learning and growth. I also wish that each of you is blessed in similar ways. That you are presented unexpected gifts from the universe to which you get to say “yes.” And, in that “yes,” you get to experience the gifts of joy and challenges that they bring.
~ Paul
PC – Bella Barr
