Sport psychology

Emotional Habits

By |2025-01-19T20:07:15-05:00January 19, 2025|Categories: Sport psychology|

I have been thinking a lot about how we can get stuck in a rut. Some times its our behavior. Sometimes its our thoughts. Sometimes its our emotions. Some times it is much larger, like our whole state of being. We fall into a rut when our responses to specific situations can rise to the level of a habit. This is true whether we’re talking about thoughts, behaviors or feelings.

Do you have a characteristic emotional response to challenging situations or the unknown? Many of my clients reflexively react with anxiety, depression, or anger. When they examine their emotional responding over time they notice consistent patterns.

If we pathologize these patterns we would diagnose ourselves with the appropriate mental disorder and then treat it, usually with medication and/or therapy, to make the symptoms go away. What if it weren’t as nefarious as all that? What if we simply had a bad habit of responding to situations with a specific emotion?

If this were true, then at least part of the solution would be to change the bad habit; substituting a more adaptive response for the undesirable one. My experience has taught me that there are three essential steps to this process. Awareness – the ability to notice when maladaptive feelings arise. Interruption – the ability to “stop the train” of negativity. And finally, Redirection – the ability to refocus your attention, thought, emotion ,and energy on a consciously chosen desired response.

Practicing awareness, interruption, and redirection replacing negative responses with healthier ones, is hard work. But, over time, these new patterns become your default, helping you navigate life with greater resilience and positivity.Transformation is gradual but empowering, as you reshape your emotional landscape with intention and care. ~ Paul

PC – #ErinGilmorePhotography

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Letting Go to Take Control

By |2025-01-18T08:45:00-05:00January 18, 2025|Categories: Sport psychology|

We are working on a project this winter to build resources for riding instructors. In the process, I have had a whole crap ton of thoughts and feelings. “Who am I to think I have something to offer people?” “This will never be good enough.” “This needs to be perfect.” Anxiety, panic, feeling frozen, … I know that many of you know these feelings intimately because you have shared them with me. And, we have worked together to move through and beyond them.

For me it felt like a tug-of-war with my angst. In between us, a pit of despair. The cost of losing this war was just that, falling into that pit. I felt drawn to all the vital tasks of our work and our projects. But I had to fight that tug-of-war first. It felt like everything else depended on me winning that war. Then it hit me… let go. I can’t be pulled in if I am not holding onto that rope.

Our minds are tricky things. My angst certainly did not give up that easily. It repeatedly offers me that rope to engage yet again in that tug-of-war. Tempting as it is to reengage in old familiar patterns and responses to the invitation, I commit to letting go in order to take control. I commit to choosing a different response. ~ Paul

PC – Erin Gilmore Photography

#ridingfar #lettinggo #takingcontrol #impostersyndrome #equestrian #equestrianlife #sportpsych #equestriansportpsych #sportpsychology #equestriansportpsychology

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Sentiment Override

By |2025-01-17T11:21:31-05:00January 17, 2025|Categories: Sport psychology|

Did you know that my specialization in graduate school was marital communication? Throughout my career, I have had the both the challenge and joy of working with couples to improve their relationships. I have discovered so many parallels between the behaviors that predict relationship satisfaction in human relationships and those that predict success in human-horse relationships. Maybe it’s worth doing a whole series just on that.

Recently, I have been thinking about one relationship superpower, positive sentiment override (PSO), and how I could leverage it to keep me positively engaged when life is busy and feels challenging. PSO refers to the response in an interaction when our partner does something objectively negative, like a criticize us. Rather than responding in kind, our response is either neutral or positive helping us avoid a whirlpool of negativity.

Like so many helpful behavioral patterns, PSO generally happens spontaneously. It is not something that is planned for, or worked on. Yet, to get it working for us in either our own relationships, our relationships with our horse, or in our lives in general, we have to make a conscious effort.

There is the behavioral side. Awareness – Interrupting Negative Patterns – Choosing and Inserting an Adaptive Behaviors – Lather, Rinse, Repeat. This takes commitment and effort. Then… there is the sentiment side. Sentiment override can go either way. How do we keep it positive?

I know for me it is about building positivity and affection by noticing the good moments, practicing gratitude, and fostering curiosity and playfulness. I commit to this in my relationships with family, work mates, horses, and my life in general.

I am not always successful. Sometimes I take the bait and get lost in negative cycles within myself and with others. But, I believe deeply that it is worth the effort. Will you join me? What do you do to grow positivity and affection in important relationships in your life? ~ Paul

PC – @eringilmorephotos Erin Gilmore Photography

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When Things Go Awry

By |2025-01-16T18:33:55-05:00January 16, 2025|Categories: Sport psychology|

 

Last week when I was taking a lesson in preparation for my second working equitation show. Nubble started stepping short on her left hind. It gradually got worse, and then we noticed an odd swelling on her hindquarters on the left side near her hip. I knew it wasn’t there before we started the lesson. I jumped off, trailered her home, consulted with my vet and made a plan to care for her.

As things settled down I realized I needed to make a decision about her upcoming competition. I decided to evaluate the situation as we got closer to the show and, ultimately, Nubble’s lameness resolved quickly. I decided to attend the show with a modified plan. I made accommodations including more walking in my warm up and walking the parts of the obstacle course that would potentially stress her left hind. I also recruited Justin to watch carefully and let me know if he noticed any signs of unsoundness since he would see it before I might feel it.

Nubble was brilliant. Me not so much. (Did you know that if you forget to salute the judge before your Ease of Handling course and that you get docked 5 points? I do now!!!)

Last week, I talked about reverie and my intention to take a step back and allow my curiosity to wander in wonder, and that is what I did with this experience with my mare. I took the opportunity to explore my thoughts, reactions, and responses especially when I thought I might need to scratch Nubble from the competition. I was struck by the myriad of thoughts and emotions that surfaced when she came up lame just before a show. Naturally, I was worried about her, but there was also a part of me that was frustrated about potentially missing the competition. I found myself justifying ways to push through for my own gratification.

It was humbling and a bit frightening how easily my thoughts went to the dark side. Thinking about honoring my frustration rather than my values. It made me realize how easily I could get wrapped up in my own petty needs, even when the stakes are so low. I can only imagine the pressures in higher-stakes situations or if I didn’t have a strongly supportive community that prioritizes the welfare of the horse.

We make choices for our horses. Some times those choices serve our selfish interests but often, even when they fall short, they are driven by well-meaning intentions. As riders and caretakers, we educate ourselves, striving to ensure the welfare of our horses while engaging in the activities we love. It is so easy to judge each other and the choices we make, especially in this day and age of social media. However, these polarized debates over-simplify the issues and mask a more complex and less discussed aspect: namely, the internal processes of the humans involved.

Sure we can attempt to solve our problems by making more rules regarding horse welfare. There is certainly a place for this. But, I can’t help but wonder how much more quickly things might change for us and for our horses if we made an equal investment in understanding the people. An investment in understanding the impact of modern competition and training on equestrians young and old. An investment in exploring the internal struggles of both recreational and competitive equestrians, especially those who miss the mark. An investment in seeking and sharing knowledge regarding best practices in all corners of the equestrian world with particular attention to upper level competition. An investment in creating a culture that champions respect and the dignity of all sentient beings. And lastly, an investment in strong mutually supportive communities within and across disciplines.

The key issue here is not just about setting and enforcing rules but understanding the human element involved in these decisions. More than ever, I believe that the psychological community has a significant role to play in the equestrian world—not just in enhancing performance, addressing performance nerves, or treating emotional difficulties but in helping individuals and communities understand their internal processes.

I believe there is a pressing need for psychology professionals to partner with the equestrian community beyond the scope of traditional sport psychology. I am convinced that the integration of psychology professionals into the equestrian community is essential. This partnership can provide the tools and support needed to navigate the complex emotional landscape of horse care and competition, ultimately leading to healthier and more ethical practices within the industry. By focusing on knowledge, values, and community, we can foster an environment that supports better decision-making for both people and horses alike.

As always, I am open to and interested in your thoughts. ~ Paul

#toughchoices #judgments #gettingtothecoreoftheissue #equestrian #equestrianlife #sportpsych #equestriansportpsych #sportpsychology #equestriansportpsychology

 

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Mixing It Up for the Holidays

By |2025-01-07T16:55:43-05:00January 7, 2025|Categories: Sport psychology|

We have a new tradition on Christmas morning. Everyone heads over to the farm early. Justin, along with his mother and brother, walk down to the barn and feed the horses together. Tara and I get breakfast cooking and guard the smoked salmon from Boone Dog and Birdie, the crazy kittens.

One of the greatest gifts of that morning is that all the usual routines are turned upside down, jumbled ,and all mixed up. Everyone gets to step into new roles and experience the joys of relating to each other in different ways. It is in those moments that the richness and texture of our relationships shine.

Sitting quietly across the living room in an overstuffed leather chair, with Knox dog in my lap, I was witness to joy and generosity, appreciation and playfulness, love and laughter. My kids often call me out for my sentimentality. Several moments that morning I was flooded with awe and gratitude for the gift of my family and the relationships they have with each other.

My dear friend Joe Lancia used to talk about the numinous; a deep sense of spiritual or mysterious awe, a connection to the divine or the transcendent. I always thought of that as related to the natural world but I now realize that it applies equally to our relationship with both our loved ones and the world.

There are so many opportunities in the holidays we celebrate to step away from our routines, to mix it up and relate to those we love in different ways, whether it be with family or friends or horses. As the New Year approaches I am setting my intention to search for those moments, enter into them, and celebrate them. Will you join me?


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Playing Along

By |2025-01-07T11:53:06-05:00January 7, 2025|Categories: Sport psychology|

One of the great joys of the holidays is playing music with my boys. Some times we sit and play the old family favorite folk songs. This year Justin and Luke played a number of “new”songs that they had learned and Luke played a song he wrote after our family visit to my mother in the hospital. (I can’t even think about the song without getting emotional… it is beautiful). There are times I join right in with the guitar, times I sit and soak it in, and times I stumble along on my stand-up bass.



One afternoon, Luke started playing the piano and I picked up my bass. He was playing Christmas tunes. I fumbled along and after several songs I had a profound realization. I had been learning the bass (scales, arpeggios, structured progressions). I had been practicing the bass. But.. I hadn’t been playing the bass. The operative word her being play. I was so dedicated to the structures of the lessons being taught that I didn’t allow time to play with the instrument and explore.

Yesterday I was working with a riding client who was asking about how to deal with her fear and the intrusive “What if…?” thoughts during her rides. And it hit me. She rides, just like so many of us, in the structures of her lessons, sticking closely to the traditions of her chosen discipline and her chosen mentors. She is practicing riding and had very little time invested in play.


This is so important for dealing with our fears. When we stick to rather constrained structured practice, especially if they are similar to the contexts in which we had an accident or injury, both the context, familiarity, and focus on performance (or not making mistakes) create an optimal environment for anxiety and negative thinking to creep in and fester.

When we truly play and explore, it captures and focuses our attention in a different way. That, in and of itself, sends the worries into the background. Then the knowledge and experience gained from the exploration, informs our riding in new and different ways. With anxiety and fear, knowledge is power. Knowledge gives us options, it feeds effective problem solving, it supports creativity, it inspires us to challenge ourselves, and more. The kind of debilitating fear and anxiety that robs us of our joy has a hard time taking root in spaces and places where we are excited and invested in exploration and play.


This morning I searched for folk music back-up tracks on YouTube. I picked a few simple ones and I played. I played with different sounds and progressions. I played with different positions on the neck. I played with searching out sounds that I first imagined in my mind and sounds that I discovered by accident. It was the first time in a long time that I genuinely had fun “practicing” the bass.

I strongly encourage everyone to play in their time with their horses. Explore different disciplines and traditions. Challenge yourself to build deeper understanding by asking questions like, “What does it really mean to have your horse in front of your leg?” Then see if there are different ways to understand it. And , last but not least, play with your horse. Explore and be curious and see what you can learn. ~ Paul

#playingmusic #powerofplay #explore #equestrian #equestrianlife #sportpsych #equestriansportpsych #sportpsychology #equestriansportpsychology

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The Other Side of Fear

By |2024-10-20T07:56:36-04:00October 20, 2024|Categories: Sport psychology|

Justin and I will be presenting this week at the 2024 Leadership Adventures EAL Summit™ . I have given A LOT of presentations. I lost count about a decade ago but, If you count all the classes I taught during my years teaching, I am sure that the number is in the thousands. I can’t remember the last time I was really nervous about presenting. Sure, I get a butterfly or two every once in a while, but that just helps motivate me to prepare and keeps me sharp.
This conference feels different to me. Maybe it is because we are presenting to many of my old, old friends. Maybe it is because we are taking a risk to talk about ideas that guide our work; ideas that are personal and not necessarily main stream. Maybe its because we are presenting more a way of thinking/being than a concrete way of doing things. Maybe it is because Justin and I have such a prominent place in the conference program; two individual presentations and one together. Or, maybe it is because I am not just representing myself; I am representing the Riding Far team on a national stage. What ever the reason, my nervous energy is running high. I feel profoundly vulnerable.
I remember telling Justin last summer about being nervous when faced with a solid gate at a Working Equitation show. For some reason solid gates feel different to me than rope gates and I get all tensed up. He smiled at me (it was actually more of a smirk) and said, “I know a guy who could help.”
I made my choice long time ago not to play it safe in life. Vulnerability, nerves, worry, apprehension, and fear are quite simply the inevitable consequences of that choice. So now I get go to work. Center myself. Prepare my talks. Center myself. Practice my presentations. Center myself.
I ran across a quote this morning by Chase Jarvis, the author of Never Play It Safe: A Practical Guide to Freedom, Creativity, and a Life You Love.” It went like this… “All the best stuff in life is on the other side of risk, on the other side of our comfort zone, on the other side of our fears.”
Here’s to the other side… ~ Paul

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Red Sunflowers

By |2024-10-08T10:27:55-04:00October 8, 2024|Categories: Sport psychology|

This weekend I am visiting my parents. On the way I picked up some flowers as a belated birthday gift for my mother. They were red sunflowers. Quite pretty and I thought unusual.
My mother has been challenged with changes in her memory. It is hard for her to track time and she can no longer do many of the things she loved. In the face of this, she is forever joyful and kind. A loving spirit with whom I treasure every moment.
We spent time arranging the small bouquet of flowers and finding the perfect spot for us to enjoy them. This morning, when we came downstairs for coffee, my mother told me that the water in the flowers had turned pink. We marveled at how beautiful it made the vase.
So many people say, “Everything happens for a reason.” Or, “It’s all part of God’s plan.” I chaff at these cliches because I really don’t believe in predetermination or fate. I do believe that life is full of twists and turns. I know both from my work with thousands of people over the last 35+ years, as well as through my personal experience, that life is hard for everyone. I know that our path is uncertain and we are not guaranteed anything.
What I do believe is that, with the pain and difficulty, there is also beauty and wonder and surprise and joy in life if we fully engage and are present. Whether we are talking about our horses, our families, our work, or our passions.
I am challenged this morning to set aside my incessant, self-absorbed worries and my desire to control everything. And, instead, step into each moment with the same kind of wonder and joy that my mother channels everyday. In that way, when the unexpected happens, I might notice when the water turns pink and marvel at its beauty.
Will you join me. ~ Paul

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On Balance

By |2024-09-30T10:59:46-04:00September 30, 2024|Categories: Sport psychology|

This weekend I am sitting in an AirBnB in Charlotte, NC. My wife and I are visiting my son Luke to celebrate his 22nd birthday. It felt great to wrap my arms around him in a bear hug and chat and laugh over a meal. He opened gifts and we played with one of his new tools disassembling a 100 year old banjo that he wants to restore. We talked about life and work and school and football and politics. We shared stories of our adventures over the last month. As I settled into bed last night I felt restored.
Sitting down this morning to write, my wife made an offhand comment. “Don’t you ever take a vacation?” It got me thinking about work-life balance and what that really means. One thing I know for sure is that it does not mean work, rest, and recreation in equal measure. It is not a simple equation.
I watched a video the other day of a man building a cairn, a stack of rocks which mark a trail. It was the most exquisite and precarious stack I my have ever seen. It took extreme patience to find the balance point and any small deviation sent the stack tumbling.
I would rather think of my balance as far more robust. Wide flat rocks. One atop the other on a solid flat base. A balance where each part supports the others and no one thing stands alone.
It restores me, makes me feel good, to have taken the time to share a few thoughts with you this morning. But, I will be brief because a walk with my wife, coffee at Starbucks, and a brunch with my son awaits me.
How do you think about balance in your life? ~ Paul

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Butterflies and Butter Knives

By |2024-09-12T18:12:20-04:00September 12, 2024|Categories: Sport psychology|

I woke up this morning to a poem in my Facebook feed. It is called Butter Knife and was written and read by Hollie McNish. Her introduction to the poem is almost as inspiring as the poem itself. Both celebrate how absolutely totally f**king amazing this world is and how, when we make the effort to learn about it, everything (yes even all the stuff we thing of as disgusting) is actually miraculous.
She talks about the transformation of caterpillars to butterflies and how we can turn experience into tears and laughter. And, of course she reflects on her butter knife which is “actually” a cheese knife. Or, is it? So often things are transformed into what we say they are and how we use and honor them.
Yesterday we started our latest Fresh Start Clinic series. Six amazing humans and six amazing horses. I often feel the weight of responsibility to teach and guide during these clinics. While I will always strive to bring my best self each day, I was reminded this morning my job is not to impart my knowledge, to heal, or fix, or change. Not to decide if they should be a cheese knife or a jam knife or a butter knife or a butterfly but rather to allow them (horse and human) to discover, transform, and unleash their own potential. ~ Paul

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