We hope you will enjoy our insights in the forms of Casual Conversations, videos and articles aimed at helping the equestrian transform their relationships with their horses. We are passionate about sharing our knowledge, tips, tricks, and experiences.
April 26, 2025
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I noticed a trend in my work this week. Well, really, a trend throughout my career. Most people have a really hard time identifying their strengths.
Whenever I teach a clinic, whether I am working with instructors or riders, I start the group by having participants introduce themselves and share one thing they are challenged by and one thing they are really good at… You guessed it. The challenges come popping out spontaneously, one after the other. Identifying their strengths is consistently the struggle.
I often wonder why we have such a hard time naming and claiming our strengths. Working from our strengths, even when addressing our weaknesses, is fundamental to to almost every endeavor: performing, competing, learning, and teaching. Yet, either we manage to keep ourselves in the dark about our best qualities or, we are somehow embarrassed to claim them and bring them to the world.
Their is no shame in having talents, skills, abilities, and positive personal qualities. Nor is their shame in having areas we struggle and desire to grow. An honest assessment of ourselves provides a solid foundation for growth. Let’s claim all of who we are. ~ Paul
PC – Erin Gilmore Photography
#Strength #horses #PersonalStrengths #HonestSelfAssessment #equestrian #equestrianlife #sportpsych #equestriansportpsych #sportpsychology #equestriansportpsychology #RidingFar
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February 18, 2025
February 9, 2025
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A bit of history here for those that may not know me well. In 2013, my then young horse Revel spooked and took off. While I can’t tell you what happened next because I don’t remember, I know I ended up in the head trauma unit of Fairfax Hospital for overnight observation. In the summer of 2022, I took on a young Westphalian gelding Lil’Joe who was gifted to me because he had been bolting with his owner.
I know what you’re thinking… “What the hell were you thinking?” At least this seems to be the most common reaction. I could give you the emotional answer which is that I felt connected to this horse from the moment I first met him; all goofy and playful with his goat eaten tail. And, while that is true, I think the real answer is a much deeper one.
While I had worked through my experience with Revel, there was still a part of me that knew that I still didn’t have what was needed to help Revel at the time. I needed to find that in myself. Not just to “make things right” with Revel but to take responsibility for myself and have more to offer Lil’ Joe and all the other horses that would come into my life.
It has been quite a journey. Revel opened the door for me to learn how to grow through my intense fear. My clients have benefited enormously from what he taught me. Lil’ Joe has opened the door for to explore and retrain my nervous system. Like all of us, my nervous system works to keep me safe and seldom asks permission first. While some of the ways it responds informs my intuition and helps my decision making, many of my reactions work against me in the moment. Apparently, my nervous system doesn’t know much about horses.
Joe is one of those horses that is highly sensitive to his environment. No matter how relaxed he is in his work, he is only a hair’s breath away from high alert status. The work with him is always gradual. Gains are often almost imperceptible in the moment and accrue very slowly over time. It is always helpful to look back over several months to truly appreciate his progress.
One sticking point for him is the indoor arena (the only contained riding space on the farm larger than our round pen). It is not always a comfortable place for him. On the days when the gremlins run free, my work with him takes a large step back, helping him get reconnected and settled. Often sticking to ground work.
The other day, Justin and I were alone at the farm and had a chance to ride together for the first time in a while. We talked about where we were going to ride. He wanted to ride in the outdoor arena since the weather was so nice. The few times I had ridden Joe in the outdoor he was actually more relaxed than usual. Me not so much. I realized in that moment that our emotional needs did not align. I chose to meet Joe’s as best I could.
It was a beautiful ride. Joe was relaxed and regulated. We worked on building responsiveness to the aids with lightness. He stayed connected through the whole experience. I, on the other hand, struggled. I found myself internally distracted by unhelpful thoughts and repeatedly had to address my tension, both emotional and physical. It was a challenge to stay in the present and connect to the real experience of the ride.
It would be easy in that moment to get down on myself. I can be just as harshly self-critical as the next rider. It has helped me to appreciate that all of the intrusive thoughts and physical tension I experienced were simply my nervous system doing its best to take care of me. I have known for some time that my next personal growth agenda will be to train my nervous system to respond differently, to respond the reality of the moment rather than my past traumas. I have also known that my growth, like Lil’ Joe’s, will be slow and gradual.
If you are challenged by your nervous system in similar ways, join me in the process and commitment of training new, more adaptive responses. Training ourselves with deep personal understanding. Treating ourselves with kindness and compassion in the process. And, perhaps most of all, training ourselves with quiet consistency over time, appreciating even the smallest gains because that is the way that growth happens. ~ Paul
#growth #braintrain #trainyournervoussystem #overcomingchallenge #emotionalneeds #equestrian #equestrianlife #sportpsych #equestriansportpsych #sportpsychology #equestriansportpsychology
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February 7, 2025
February 4, 2025
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[/fusion_title][fusion_imageframe aspect_ratio=”4-3″ custom_aspect_ratio=”35″ lightbox=”no” linktarget=”_self” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” align_medium=”none” align_small=”none” align=”none” hover_type=”none” magnify_duration=”120″ scroll_height=”100″ scroll_speed=”1″ caption_style=”off” caption_align_medium=”none” caption_align_small=”none” caption_align=”none” caption_title_tag=”2″ animation_direction=”left” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_delay=”0″ filter_hue=”0″ filter_saturation=”100″ filter_brightness=”100″ filter_contrast=”100″ filter_invert=”0″ filter_sepia=”0″ filter_opacity=”100″ filter_blur=”0″ filter_hue_hover=”0″ filter_saturation_hover=”100″ filter_brightness_hover=”100″ filter_contrast_hover=”100″ filter_invert_hover=”0″ filter_sepia_hover=”0″ filter_opacity_hover=”100″ filter_blur_hover=”0″ image_id=”2825|full”]https://ridingfar.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/psych.jpg[/fusion_imageframe][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]
[fusion_builder_container type=”flex” hundred_percent=”no” hundred_percent_height=”no” hundred_percent_height_scroll=”no” align_content=”stretch” flex_align_items=”flex-start” flex_justify_content=”flex-start” hundred_percent_height_center_content=”yes” equal_height_columns=”no” container_tag=”div” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” status=”published” border_style=”solid” box_shadow=”no” box_shadow_blur=”0″ box_shadow_spread=”0″ gradient_start_position=”0″ gradient_end_position=”100″ gradient_type=”linear” radial_direction=”center center” linear_angle=”180″ background_position=”center center” background_repeat=”no-repeat” fade=”no” background_parallax=”none” enable_mobile=”no” parallax_speed=”0.3″ background_blend_mode=”none” video_aspect_ratio=”16:9″ video_loop=”yes” video_mute=”yes” absolute=”off” absolute_devices=”small,medium,large” sticky=”off” sticky_devices=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_transition_offset=”0″ scroll_offset=”0″ animation_direction=”left” animation_speed=”0.3″ filter_hue=”0″ filter_saturation=”100″ filter_brightness=”100″ filter_contrast=”100″ filter_invert=”0″ filter_sepia=”0″ filter_opacity=”100″ filter_blur=”0″ filter_hue_hover=”0″ filter_saturation_hover=”100″ filter_brightness_hover=”100″ filter_contrast_hover=”100″ filter_invert_hover=”0″ filter_sepia_hover=”0″ filter_opacity_hover=”100″ filter_blur_hover=”0″][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ type=”1_1″ layout=”1_2″ align_self=”stretch” content_layout=”column” align_content=”flex-start” content_wrap=”wrap” center_content=”no” target=”_self” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” order_medium=”0″ order_small=”0″ margin_top=”22px” margin_bottom=”0px” hover_type=”none” border_style=”solid” box_shadow=”no” box_shadow_blur=”0″ box_shadow_spread=”0″ background_type=”single” gradient_start_position=”0″ gradient_end_position=”100″ gradient_type=”linear” radial_direction=”center center” linear_angle=”180″ background_position=”left top” background_repeat=”no-repeat” background_blend_mode=”none” animation_direction=”left” animation_speed=”0.3″ filter_type=”regular” filter_hue=”0″ filter_saturation=”100″ filter_brightness=”100″ filter_contrast=”100″ filter_invert=”0″ filter_sepia=”0″ filter_opacity=”100″ filter_blur=”0″ filter_hue_hover=”0″ filter_saturation_hover=”100″ filter_brightness_hover=”100″ filter_contrast_hover=”100″ filter_invert_hover=”0″ filter_sepia_hover=”0″ filter_opacity_hover=”100″ filter_blur_hover=”0″ last=”true” border_position=”all” first=”true” padding_left_small=”20px” padding_right_small=”20px” min_height=”” link=””][fusion_title title_type=”text” rotation_effect=”bounceIn” display_time=”1200″ highlight_effect=”circle” loop_animation=”off” highlight_width=”9″ highlight_top_margin=”0″ title_link=”off” link_target=”_self” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” content_align=”left” size=”2″ fusion_font_family_title_font=”'Palatino Linotype', 'Book Antiqua', Palatino, serif” font_size=”27px” text_color=”#003429″ text_shadow=”no” text_shadow_blur=”0″ text_stroke=”no” text_stroke_size=”1″ text_overflow=”none” gradient_font=”no” gradient_start_position=”0″ gradient_end_position=”100″ gradient_type=”linear” radial_direction=”center center” linear_angle=”180″ style_type=”none” sep_color=”#834840″ animation_direction=”left” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_delay=”0″]
[/fusion_title][fusion_imageframe aspect_ratio=”4-3″ custom_aspect_ratio=”35″ lightbox=”no” linktarget=”_self” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” align_medium=”none” align_small=”none” align=”none” hover_type=”none” magnify_duration=”120″ scroll_height=”100″ scroll_speed=”1″ caption_style=”off” caption_align_medium=”none” caption_align_small=”none” caption_align=”none” caption_title_tag=”2″ animation_direction=”left” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_delay=”0″ filter_hue=”0″ filter_saturation=”100″ filter_brightness=”100″ filter_contrast=”100″ filter_invert=”0″ filter_sepia=”0″ filter_opacity=”100″ filter_blur=”0″ filter_hue_hover=”0″ filter_saturation_hover=”100″ filter_brightness_hover=”100″ filter_contrast_hover=”100″ filter_invert_hover=”0″ filter_sepia_hover=”0″ filter_opacity_hover=”100″ filter_blur_hover=”0″ image_id=”2820|full”]https://ridingfar.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/psych-3.jpg[/fusion_imageframe][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]
January 31, 2025
January 26, 2025
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Have you ever heard your trainer say something that you heard a thousand times like, “Inside leg to outside rein” and have a moment of realization that you don’t even really know what that means? I often challenge my clients to explore these common simple instructional phrases. What do they really mean? Do they mean the same thing to different professionals? Different riders? So many times I’ve found that, at best, we are unclear.
I was reminded today of the phrase “grace under pressure.” I had that same realization. What does it really mean? Grace. Grace under pressure. I think I get the “under pressure” part but what does grace actually mean.
Turns out some of my uncertainty and confusion is that grace means a lot of different things in a lot of different contexts. Elegance and beauty. Divine favor. Courtesy or politeness. A short prayer. Special privilege. Moral virtue. Honorary title. Yet, when I pair these definitions with “under pressure,” it seems to fall flat.
I have this vague memory from 40 odd years ago of someone sharing a definition of grace that something to do with relationships. I don’t think I understood it at the time, but it struck me deeply enough that it stuck with me all these years. So, I decided to do some research.
It turns out that there is a whole tradition around relational grace. And, while admittedly poorly defined, here are a few relationship oriented gems I discovered:
Compassion and Forgiveness – Grace often involves offering kindness and understanding, especially in difficult situations or to someone who may not “deserve” it. This fosters healing and reconciliation in relationships.
Unconditional Favor – Grace implies giving without expecting anything in return, creating a bond rooted in generosity and goodwill.
Gratitude and Reciprocity – The concept of grace is intertwined with thankfulness, which strengthens connections through appreciation and acknowledgment of others.
Politeness and Respect – Grace in manners reflects a respectful and considerate attitude, which enhances relationships by creating mutual respect and comfort.
Harmony and Balance – Grace signifies the ability to maintain balance and harmony in relationships, whether through tact, emotional intelligence, or mutual support.
Grace under pressure. Now, these are some definitions I can get my head around.
One of the cardinal rules of any sort of skill or strategy is to practice it before applying it in a pressure situation. Join me in practicing grace, relational grace. Pick your favorite definition and apply it to the people around you, your horse, and to yourself. Work on it. Perfect it. Then carry it with you the next time you are under pressure. ~ Paul
PC – Erin Gilmore Photography
[/fusion_title][fusion_imageframe aspect_ratio=”4-3″ custom_aspect_ratio=”35″ lightbox=”no” linktarget=”_self” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” align_medium=”none” align_small=”none” align=”none” hover_type=”none” magnify_duration=”120″ scroll_height=”100″ scroll_speed=”1″ caption_style=”off” caption_align_medium=”none” caption_align_small=”none” caption_align=”none” caption_title_tag=”2″ animation_direction=”left” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_delay=”0″ filter_hue=”0″ filter_saturation=”100″ filter_brightness=”100″ filter_contrast=”100″ filter_invert=”0″ filter_sepia=”0″ filter_opacity=”100″ filter_blur=”0″ filter_hue_hover=”0″ filter_saturation_hover=”100″ filter_brightness_hover=”100″ filter_contrast_hover=”100″ filter_invert_hover=”0″ filter_sepia_hover=”0″ filter_opacity_hover=”100″ filter_blur_hover=”0″ image_id=”2816|full”]https://ridingfar.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/RidingFar122224_gilmore-2207-e1737935794203.jpg[/fusion_imageframe][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]
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Marshall Rosenberg is a psychologist who developed an approach to conflict resolution and relationships called Nonviolent Communication. There is much for us to learn from him with regard to our horsemanship as well as our human relationships. One thing I remember reading or hearing him say, that has had a huge influence on me, went something like this… There is no conflict on the level of need. All conflict is on the level of the strategies we use to get our needs met. In this way, conflict is just a crisis of creativity.
All of this assumes that we are curious and committed to knowing the unmet needs that drive our behavior, and that we are curious and committed to understanding the unmet needs of our partners. Any one who has taken on this challenge knows how hard this can be. We are acculturated to conflict and “violent” approaches to meet our needs. And, often settle on behaviors and strategies to get our needs met before even knowing what they really are.
them met. ~ Paul
PC – @ErinGilmorePhotography @eringilmorephotos
[/fusion_title][fusion_imageframe aspect_ratio=”4-3″ custom_aspect_ratio=”35″ lightbox=”no” linktarget=”_self” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” align_medium=”none” align_small=”none” align=”none” hover_type=”none” magnify_duration=”120″ scroll_height=”100″ scroll_speed=”1″ caption_style=”off” caption_align_medium=”none” caption_align_small=”none” caption_align=”none” caption_title_tag=”2″ animation_direction=”left” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_delay=”0″ filter_hue=”0″ filter_saturation=”100″ filter_brightness=”100″ filter_contrast=”100″ filter_invert=”0″ filter_sepia=”0″ filter_opacity=”100″ filter_blur=”0″ filter_hue_hover=”0″ filter_saturation_hover=”100″ filter_brightness_hover=”100″ filter_contrast_hover=”100″ filter_invert_hover=”0″ filter_sepia_hover=”0″ filter_opacity_hover=”100″ filter_blur_hover=”0″ image_id=”2808|full”]https://ridingfar.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/psych-2.jpg[/fusion_imageframe][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]
January 24, 2025
January 19, 2025
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Do you have a characteristic emotional response to challenging situations or the unknown? Many of my clients reflexively react with anxiety, depression, or anger. When they examine their emotional responding over time they notice consistent patterns.
If this were true, then at least part of the solution would be to change the bad habit; substituting a more adaptive response for the undesirable one. My experience has taught me that there are three essential steps to this process. Awareness – the ability to notice when maladaptive feelings arise. Interruption – the ability to “stop the train” of negativity. And finally, Redirection – the ability to refocus your attention, thought, emotion ,and energy on a consciously chosen desired response.
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We are working on a project this winter to build resources for riding instructors. In the process, I have had a whole crap ton of thoughts and feelings. “Who am I to think I have something to offer people?” “This will never be good enough.” “This needs to be perfect.” Anxiety, panic, feeling frozen, … I know that many of you know these feelings intimately because you have shared them with me. And, we have worked together to move through and beyond them.
For me it felt like a tug-of-war with my angst. In between us, a pit of despair. The cost of losing this war was just that, falling into that pit. I felt drawn to all the vital tasks of our work and our projects. But I had to fight that tug-of-war first. It felt like everything else depended on me winning that war. Then it hit me… let go. I can’t be pulled in if I am not holding onto that rope.
Our minds are tricky things. My angst certainly did not give up that easily. It repeatedly offers me that rope to engage yet again in that tug-of-war. Tempting as it is to reengage in old familiar patterns and responses to the invitation, I commit to letting go in order to take control. I commit to choosing a different response. ~ Paul
PC – Erin Gilmore Photography
#ridingfar #lettinggo #takingcontrol #impostersyndrome #equestrian #equestrianlife #sportpsych #equestriansportpsych #sportpsychology #equestriansportpsychology
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January 18, 2025