riding far blog
Our goal is to raise riders' awareness of the importance of mental and emotional skills in equestrian sport. We help equestrians achieve their personal riding goals.
WE SUPPORT, CHALLENGE AND INSPIRE EQUESTRIANS
We hope you will enjoy our insights in the forms of Casual Conversations, videos and articles aimed at helping the equestrian transform their relationships with their horses. We are passionate about sharing our knowledge, tips, tricks, and experiences.
January 26, 2025
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Have you ever heard your trainer say something that you heard a thousand times like, “Inside leg to outside rein” and have a moment of realization that you don’t even really know what that means? I often challenge my clients to explore these common simple instructional phrases. What do they really mean? Do they mean the same thing to different professionals? Different riders? So many times I’ve found that, at best, we are unclear.
I was reminded today of the phrase “grace under pressure.” I had that same realization. What does it really mean? Grace. Grace under pressure. I think I get the “under pressure” part but what does grace actually mean.
Turns out some of my uncertainty and confusion is that grace means a lot of different things in a lot of different contexts. Elegance and beauty. Divine favor. Courtesy or politeness. A short prayer. Special privilege. Moral virtue. Honorary title. Yet, when I pair these definitions with “under pressure,” it seems to fall flat.
I have this vague memory from 40 odd years ago of someone sharing a definition of grace that something to do with relationships. I don’t think I understood it at the time, but it struck me deeply enough that it stuck with me all these years. So, I decided to do some research.
It turns out that there is a whole tradition around relational grace. And, while admittedly poorly defined, here are a few relationship oriented gems I discovered:
Compassion and Forgiveness – Grace often involves offering kindness and understanding, especially in difficult situations or to someone who may not “deserve” it. This fosters healing and reconciliation in relationships.
Unconditional Favor – Grace implies giving without expecting anything in return, creating a bond rooted in generosity and goodwill.
Gratitude and Reciprocity – The concept of grace is intertwined with thankfulness, which strengthens connections through appreciation and acknowledgment of others.
Politeness and Respect – Grace in manners reflects a respectful and considerate attitude, which enhances relationships by creating mutual respect and comfort.
Harmony and Balance – Grace signifies the ability to maintain balance and harmony in relationships, whether through tact, emotional intelligence, or mutual support.
Grace under pressure. Now, these are some definitions I can get my head around.
One of the cardinal rules of any sort of skill or strategy is to practice it before applying it in a pressure situation. Join me in practicing grace, relational grace. Pick your favorite definition and apply it to the people around you, your horse, and to yourself. Work on it. Perfect it. Then carry it with you the next time you are under pressure. ~ Paul
PC – Erin Gilmore Photography
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Marshall Rosenberg is a psychologist who developed an approach to conflict resolution and relationships called Nonviolent Communication. There is much for us to learn from him with regard to our horsemanship as well as our human relationships. One thing I remember reading or hearing him say, that has had a huge influence on me, went something like this… There is no conflict on the level of need. All conflict is on the level of the strategies we use to get our needs met. In this way, conflict is just a crisis of creativity.
All of this assumes that we are curious and committed to knowing the unmet needs that drive our behavior, and that we are curious and committed to understanding the unmet needs of our partners. Any one who has taken on this challenge knows how hard this can be. We are acculturated to conflict and “violent” approaches to meet our needs. And, often settle on behaviors and strategies to get our needs met before even knowing what they really are.
them met. ~ Paul
PC – @ErinGilmorePhotography @eringilmorephotos
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January 24, 2025
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January 19, 2025
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Do you have a characteristic emotional response to challenging situations or the unknown? Many of my clients reflexively react with anxiety, depression, or anger. When they examine their emotional responding over time they notice consistent patterns.
If this were true, then at least part of the solution would be to change the bad habit; substituting a more adaptive response for the undesirable one. My experience has taught me that there are three essential steps to this process. Awareness – the ability to notice when maladaptive feelings arise. Interruption – the ability to “stop the train” of negativity. And finally, Redirection – the ability to refocus your attention, thought, emotion ,and energy on a consciously chosen desired response.
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We are working on a project this winter to build resources for riding instructors. In the process, I have had a whole crap ton of thoughts and feelings. “Who am I to think I have something to offer people?” “This will never be good enough.” “This needs to be perfect.” Anxiety, panic, feeling frozen, … I know that many of you know these feelings intimately because you have shared them with me. And, we have worked together to move through and beyond them.
For me it felt like a tug-of-war with my angst. In between us, a pit of despair. The cost of losing this war was just that, falling into that pit. I felt drawn to all the vital tasks of our work and our projects. But I had to fight that tug-of-war first. It felt like everything else depended on me winning that war. Then it hit me… let go. I can’t be pulled in if I am not holding onto that rope.
Our minds are tricky things. My angst certainly did not give up that easily. It repeatedly offers me that rope to engage yet again in that tug-of-war. Tempting as it is to reengage in old familiar patterns and responses to the invitation, I commit to letting go in order to take control. I commit to choosing a different response. ~ Paul
PC – Erin Gilmore Photography
#ridingfar #lettinggo #takingcontrol #impostersyndrome #equestrian #equestrianlife #sportpsych #equestriansportpsych #sportpsychology #equestriansportpsychology
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January 18, 2025
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January 17, 2025
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Recently, I have been thinking about one relationship superpower, positive sentiment override (PSO), and how I could leverage it to keep me positively engaged when life is busy and feels challenging. PSO refers to the response in an interaction when our partner does something objectively negative, like a criticize us. Rather than responding in kind, our response is either neutral or positive helping us avoid a whirlpool of negativity.
Like so many helpful behavioral patterns, PSO generally happens spontaneously. It is not something that is planned for, or worked on. Yet, to get it working for us in either our own relationships, our relationships with our horse, or in our lives in general, we have to make a conscious effort.
There is the behavioral side. Awareness – Interrupting Negative Patterns – Choosing and Inserting an Adaptive Behaviors – Lather, Rinse, Repeat. This takes commitment and effort. Then… there is the sentiment side. Sentiment override can go either way. How do we keep it positive?
I know for me it is about building positivity and affection by noticing the good moments, practicing gratitude, and fostering curiosity and playfulness. I commit to this in my relationships with family, work mates, horses, and my life in general.
I am not always successful. Sometimes I take the bait and get lost in negative cycles within myself and with others. But, I believe deeply that it is worth the effort. Will you join me? What do you do to grow positivity and affection in important relationships in your life? ~ Paul
PC – @eringilmorephotos Erin Gilmore Photography
[/fusion_title][fusion_imageframe aspect_ratio=”16-9″ custom_aspect_ratio=”35″ lightbox=”no” linktarget=”_self” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” align_medium=”none” align_small=”none” align=”none” hover_type=”none” magnify_duration=”120″ scroll_height=”100″ scroll_speed=”1″ caption_style=”off” caption_align_medium=”none” caption_align_small=”none” caption_align=”none” caption_title_tag=”2″ animation_direction=”left” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_delay=”0″ filter_hue=”0″ filter_saturation=”100″ filter_brightness=”100″ filter_contrast=”100″ filter_invert=”0″ filter_sepia=”0″ filter_opacity=”100″ filter_blur=”0″ filter_hue_hover=”0″ filter_saturation_hover=”100″ filter_brightness_hover=”100″ filter_contrast_hover=”100″ filter_invert_hover=”0″ filter_sepia_hover=”0″ filter_opacity_hover=”100″ filter_blur_hover=”0″ image_id=”2789|full”]https://ridingfar.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/IMG_1206.jpg[/fusion_imageframe][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]
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Last week when I was taking a lesson in preparation for my second working equitation show. Nubble started stepping short on her left hind. It gradually got worse, and then we noticed an odd swelling on her hindquarters on the left side near her hip. I knew it wasn’t there before we started the lesson. I jumped off, trailered her home, consulted with my vet and made a plan to care for her.
As things settled down I realized I needed to make a decision about her upcoming competition. I decided to evaluate the situation as we got closer to the show and, ultimately, Nubble’s lameness resolved quickly. I decided to attend the show with a modified plan. I made accommodations including more walking in my warm up and walking the parts of the obstacle course that would potentially stress her left hind. I also recruited Justin to watch carefully and let me know if he noticed any signs of unsoundness since he would see it before I might feel it.
Nubble was brilliant. Me not so much. (Did you know that if you forget to salute the judge before your Ease of Handling course and that you get docked 5 points? I do now!!!)
Last week, I talked about reverie and my intention to take a step back and allow my curiosity to wander in wonder, and that is what I did with this experience with my mare. I took the opportunity to explore my thoughts, reactions, and responses especially when I thought I might need to scratch Nubble from the competition. I was struck by the myriad of thoughts and emotions that surfaced when she came up lame just before a show. Naturally, I was worried about her, but there was also a part of me that was frustrated about potentially missing the competition. I found myself justifying ways to push through for my own gratification.
It was humbling and a bit frightening how easily my thoughts went to the dark side. Thinking about honoring my frustration rather than my values. It made me realize how easily I could get wrapped up in my own petty needs, even when the stakes are so low. I can only imagine the pressures in higher-stakes situations or if I didn’t have a strongly supportive community that prioritizes the welfare of the horse.
We make choices for our horses. Some times those choices serve our selfish interests but often, even when they fall short, they are driven by well-meaning intentions. As riders and caretakers, we educate ourselves, striving to ensure the welfare of our horses while engaging in the activities we love. It is so easy to judge each other and the choices we make, especially in this day and age of social media. However, these polarized debates over-simplify the issues and mask a more complex and less discussed aspect: namely, the internal processes of the humans involved.
Sure we can attempt to solve our problems by making more rules regarding horse welfare. There is certainly a place for this. But, I can’t help but wonder how much more quickly things might change for us and for our horses if we made an equal investment in understanding the people. An investment in understanding the impact of modern competition and training on equestrians young and old. An investment in exploring the internal struggles of both recreational and competitive equestrians, especially those who miss the mark. An investment in seeking and sharing knowledge regarding best practices in all corners of the equestrian world with particular attention to upper level competition. An investment in creating a culture that champions respect and the dignity of all sentient beings. And lastly, an investment in strong mutually supportive communities within and across disciplines.
The key issue here is not just about setting and enforcing rules but understanding the human element involved in these decisions. More than ever, I believe that the psychological community has a significant role to play in the equestrian world—not just in enhancing performance, addressing performance nerves, or treating emotional difficulties but in helping individuals and communities understand their internal processes.
I believe there is a pressing need for psychology professionals to partner with the equestrian community beyond the scope of traditional sport psychology. I am convinced that the integration of psychology professionals into the equestrian community is essential. This partnership can provide the tools and support needed to navigate the complex emotional landscape of horse care and competition, ultimately leading to healthier and more ethical practices within the industry. By focusing on knowledge, values, and community, we can foster an environment that supports better decision-making for both people and horses alike.
As always, I am open to and interested in your thoughts. ~ Paul
#toughchoices #judgments #gettingtothecoreoftheissue #equestrian #equestrianlife #sportpsych #equestriansportpsych #sportpsychology #equestriansportpsychology
[/fusion_title][fusion_imageframe aspect_ratio=”1-1″ custom_aspect_ratio=”35″ lightbox=”no” linktarget=”_self” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” align_medium=”none” align_small=”none” align=”none” hover_type=”none” magnify_duration=”120″ scroll_height=”100″ scroll_speed=”1″ caption_style=”off” caption_align_medium=”none” caption_align_small=”none” caption_align=”none” caption_title_tag=”2″ animation_direction=”left” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_delay=”0″ filter_hue=”0″ filter_saturation=”100″ filter_brightness=”100″ filter_contrast=”100″ filter_invert=”0″ filter_sepia=”0″ filter_opacity=”100″ filter_blur=”0″ filter_hue_hover=”0″ filter_saturation_hover=”100″ filter_brightness_hover=”100″ filter_contrast_hover=”100″ filter_invert_hover=”0″ filter_sepia_hover=”0″ filter_opacity_hover=”100″ filter_blur_hover=”0″ image_id=”2784|full”]https://ridingfar.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/psych-sat-.jpg[/fusion_imageframe][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]
January 16, 2025
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January 7, 2025
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One of the greatest gifts of that morning is that all the usual routines are turned upside down, jumbled ,and all mixed up. Everyone gets to step into new roles and experience the joys of relating to each other in different ways. It is in those moments that the richness and texture of our relationships shine.
Sitting quietly across the living room in an overstuffed leather chair, with Knox dog in my lap, I was witness to joy and generosity, appreciation and playfulness, love and laughter. My kids often call me out for my sentimentality. Several moments that morning I was flooded with awe and gratitude for the gift of my family and the relationships they have with each other.
My dear friend Joe Lancia used to talk about the numinous; a deep sense of spiritual or mysterious awe, a connection to the divine or the transcendent. I always thought of that as related to the natural world but I now realize that it applies equally to our relationship with both our loved ones and the world.
There are so many opportunities in the holidays we celebrate to step away from our routines, to mix it up and relate to those we love in different ways, whether it be with family or friends or horses. As the New Year approaches I am setting my intention to search for those moments, enter into them, and celebrate them. Will you join me?
[/fusion_title][fusion_imageframe aspect_ratio=”1-1″ custom_aspect_ratio=”35″ lightbox=”no” linktarget=”_self” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” align_medium=”none” align_small=”none” align=”none” hover_type=”none” magnify_duration=”120″ scroll_height=”100″ scroll_speed=”1″ caption_style=”off” caption_align_medium=”none” caption_align_small=”none” caption_align=”none” caption_title_tag=”2″ animation_direction=”left” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_delay=”0″ filter_hue=”0″ filter_saturation=”100″ filter_brightness=”100″ filter_contrast=”100″ filter_invert=”0″ filter_sepia=”0″ filter_opacity=”100″ filter_blur=”0″ filter_hue_hover=”0″ filter_saturation_hover=”100″ filter_brightness_hover=”100″ filter_contrast_hover=”100″ filter_invert_hover=”0″ filter_sepia_hover=”0″ filter_opacity_hover=”100″ filter_blur_hover=”0″ image_id=”2775|full”]https://ridingfar.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/psych-sat-1.jpg[/fusion_imageframe][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]
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One afternoon, Luke started playing the piano and I picked up my bass. He was playing Christmas tunes. I fumbled along and after several songs I had a profound realization. I had been learning the bass (scales, arpeggios, structured progressions). I had been practicing the bass. But.. I hadn’t been playing the bass. The operative word her being play. I was so dedicated to the structures of the lessons being taught that I didn’t allow time to play with the instrument and explore.
Yesterday I was working with a riding client who was asking about how to deal with her fear and the intrusive “What if…?” thoughts during her rides. And it hit me. She rides, just like so many of us, in the structures of her lessons, sticking closely to the traditions of her chosen discipline and her chosen mentors. She is practicing riding and had very little time invested in play.
This is so important for dealing with our fears. When we stick to rather constrained structured practice, especially if they are similar to the contexts in which we had an accident or injury, both the context, familiarity, and focus on performance (or not making mistakes) create an optimal environment for anxiety and negative thinking to creep in and fester.
When we truly play and explore, it captures and focuses our attention in a different way. That, in and of itself, sends the worries into the background. Then the knowledge and experience gained from the exploration, informs our riding in new and different ways. With anxiety and fear, knowledge is power. Knowledge gives us options, it feeds effective problem solving, it supports creativity, it inspires us to challenge ourselves, and more. The kind of debilitating fear and anxiety that robs us of our joy has a hard time taking root in spaces and places where we are excited and invested in exploration and play.
This morning I searched for folk music back-up tracks on YouTube. I picked a few simple ones and I played. I played with different sounds and progressions. I played with different positions on the neck. I played with searching out sounds that I first imagined in my mind and sounds that I discovered by accident. It was the first time in a long time that I genuinely had fun “practicing” the bass.
I strongly encourage everyone to play in their time with their horses. Explore different disciplines and traditions. Challenge yourself to build deeper understanding by asking questions like, “What does it really mean to have your horse in front of your leg?” Then see if there are different ways to understand it. And , last but not least, play with your horse. Explore and be curious and see what you can learn. ~ Paul
[/fusion_title][fusion_imageframe aspect_ratio=”1-1″ custom_aspect_ratio=”35″ lightbox=”no” linktarget=”_self” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” align_medium=”none” align_small=”none” align=”none” hover_type=”none” magnify_duration=”120″ scroll_height=”100″ scroll_speed=”1″ caption_style=”off” caption_align_medium=”none” caption_align_small=”none” caption_align=”none” caption_title_tag=”2″ animation_direction=”left” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_delay=”0″ filter_hue=”0″ filter_saturation=”100″ filter_brightness=”100″ filter_contrast=”100″ filter_invert=”0″ filter_sepia=”0″ filter_opacity=”100″ filter_blur=”0″ filter_hue_hover=”0″ filter_saturation_hover=”100″ filter_brightness_hover=”100″ filter_contrast_hover=”100″ filter_invert_hover=”0″ filter_sepia_hover=”0″ filter_opacity_hover=”100″ filter_blur_hover=”0″ image_id=”2766|full”]https://ridingfar.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/IMG_7070.jpg[/fusion_imageframe][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]
January 7, 2025
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October 20, 2024
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October 8, 2024
