When Small Frustrations Fill the Bucket

My wife, Pam, and I recently remodeled what we affectionately call the Game Room in our circa 1954 house. The “new floors” part was easy because we decided to hire it out. We had planned to redo the baseboards from the very beginning.

After the floors were in, we thought the room would look a lot better if the two paneled walls were painted. We set aside a weekend to get it finished.

One thing that is important to me is efficiency. Time should not be wasted. I told Pam I wanted to get all the supplies before we started so we would not be running back and forth. We shopped, prepped, and started painting.

As we painted, we realized the other two walls needed a refresh too. Since we already had the paint out, we figured we should just do them. That meant we needed more paint.

While we were rolling the walls, we realized the old outlets needed to be replaced. So, we took a trip to Lowe’s.

There we were, standing in the electrical outlet and switch aisle. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Pam pick up new light switches.

I lost it.

Not in a dramatic way. But in that quiet, grumpy, edgy way that happens when your emotional bucket is already overflowing. I was certainly no fun to be around.

My bucket had overflowed.

Why Overwhelm Often Comes From Small Things

I had a client this week who was struggling with feeling overwhelmed. You could easily substitute horses and riding for remodeling. Her story was remarkably similar.

She had a set of expectations for her ride that day. Along the way, things kept popping up:

* A broken fence board

* A shredded grazing muzzle

* A rat’s nest of burrs in her horse’s mane

* A minor cut on her horse’s leg

* An empty fly spray bottle

* A broken cross tie

Then finally, she reached for her dressage whip as she walked to the ring.

Gone.

There are times in life when we face the kind of adversity that understandably overwhelms our ability to cope. It is my hope for all of us that those moments are rare.

What is far more common, in my experience, are the small frustrations that chafe against our expectations. No one of them is a big deal on its own. Yet each one slowly fills the bucket until one final, ordinary inconvenience pushes us over the edge.

Expectations, Planning, and Stress

If we are lucky, we realize it before we double down.

I had to apologize to Pam for my grumpiness. I explained that my reaction had nothing to do with her very reasonable desire to update the little things as we refreshed the room. It had everything to do with the way I use planning and expectations to cope with stress.

Each unexpected change added time and effort that I had not predicted or planned for. Every additional task added pressure to my carefully constructed plan.

I suspect many riders do the same thing.

We create expectations for our rides, our horses, our schedules, and ourselves. Then reality unfolds differently than we imagined. Sometimes it is not the big setback that gets us. Sometimes it is simply the accumulation of small disappointments and inconveniences.

The Mindsets That Help Us Cope Better

We talk a lot about growth mindsets, resilient mindsets, and champion mindsets.

But what about a:

* “We will still be okay if everything does not go according to plan” mindset

* “Life rarely unfolds exactly the way we expect” mindset

* “What I do not accomplish today does not determine my value as a human being” mindset

* “Tomorrow is another day” mindset

Those mindsets would have helped me lean into what I truly value:

Kindness. Partnership. Gratitude.

Not just in remodeling a room.

Not just in horsemanship.

But in life.

What mindset would make your life and horsemanship better?

~ Paul

#Leadership #Mindset #Resilience #EmotionalIntelligence #PerformancePsychology #GrowthMindset #Coaching #Horsemanship #PersonalDevelopment