Well over twenty years ago, I was trained in the art and methods of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, a collection of change-oriented techniques developed by Richard Bandler and John Grinder. While many of these strategies have been enormously helpful to my clients, a few simple ideas pack the biggest punch. One of them is what they called the Law of Positive Intent.

Simply put, the idea is that behind every behavior or statement is a positive intention, even if the behavior itself is ineffective, harmful, or poorly expressed. In other words, when we or others do unhelpful, frustrating, or hurtful things, the underlying motive is often understandable or self-protective.

Examples from our riding lives are easy to find. I think of myself when I am overriding. Pulling on the reins, body full of tension, heels creeping up in an effort to use more leg. The resulting picture is one of imbalance, conflict, and tension between me and my horse. Yet it is easy to imagine, or at least I hope so, that I am simply trying to create quality movement or avoid failure. Helpful? No. Understandable? Yes.

We all know about human biases. One prominent example is the actor-observer bias. This is our tendency to judge ourselves by our intentions and circumstances, while judging others by their actions and assumed traits. When this dynamic becomes hurtful or unproductive, it is still easy to understand why it happens. Humans are meaning-makers. We try to understand the world using the information available to us. We have access to our own internal states, but not to those of others. We only see their behavior.

Becoming aware of these biases and intentionally looking for positive intent in ourselves and in others can be a game changer. It allows us to reframe situations in ways that reduce conflict, improve communication, build trust, and create better strategies for meeting needs. This does not excuse harmful behavior. We can acknowledge positive intent while still setting clear boundaries and holding ourselves and others accountable.

Join me in playing with this idea in the coming week. Take a frustrating situation or interaction and apply the Law of Positive Intent to yourself and to others. Separate intention from behavior. Name the positive intention the behavior or words might be serving. Then consider what other strategies could meet the same need. As you do, notice what begins to shift. ~ Paul

#PsychSaturday #RidingFar #LawOfPositiveIntent #PositiveIntent #MindsetMatters #SelfAwareness #HumanBehavior #PersonalGrowth