Have you ever had a stretch of time when you just felt grumpy for no apparent reason?

For the last several weeks I have noticed a reduced patience for what I perceive as the nuttiness of our world. It is unfortunately all too easy to find examples wherever we look: economics, politics, education, popular culture, and of course the equestrian world.

Most recently, I have been struck by how often representatives of the competitive disciplines lament the lack of young, gritty riders who grew up riding “naughty” backyard ponies, galloping bareback, and jumping anything that crossed their paths.

In a similar vein, I have seen more and more comments about the increase in timidity, anxiety, fear, and tears among young riders. What has been most disheartening is the number of mean spirited and derogatory remarks coming from people who are in a position to teach our children. I am certain their students pick up on that lack of empathy and the quiet contempt beneath it.

I understand wistful sentimentality. I understand the sense of loss that comes from reflecting on a bygone era. What I do not understand, and cannot align with, is the lack of investment and creativity directed toward doing something positive about the perceived shortcomings of our current reality.

When my children were small, my wife had a refrain she repeated often: “Requests, not complaints.” It was her gentle way of shifting their thinking from what I would call a problem frame to a solution frame. What Pam and I eventually realized was that it was not enough to want our children to change their perspective. We had to change our own.

I spend my days helping riders work through trauma, fear, and anxiety. In my experience, addressing the fear itself often pales in comparison to addressing the negative self judgment and shame riders feel for having those emotions in the first place. That shame does not appear out of nowhere. It is shaped, in part, by our collective attitude toward emotion and its expression in our sport.

Sometimes I wonder what might happen if, instead of complaining about riders today, we got busy building solutions. What if we invested real resources into programs designed to develop joyful, skilled, resilient, emotionally and physically healthy riders and horses, rather than continuing to pour money into venues where young riders and their families are required to spend tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of dollars simply to compete?

My son Justin calls himself a grumpy optimist. I am borrowing that moniker today.

In the spirit of optimism, I am choosing to align myself with the voices in our industry that respond to the real needs of today’s riders and modern horses with engagement, positive energy, creativity, and compassion. Let’s work to change the culture.

So here is my request. Will you join me?

~ Paul

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