A story crossed my Facebook feed this morning from The Plaid Horse Blog. It was a heartbreaking piece by Jamie Sindell about her daughter’s devastating experience with a show barn and the difficult choices she faced as a mother trying to protect her children from toxicity in the sport.

As a Sport Psychologist, I have worked with countless families, children, and teens who have lived through similar experiences. My heart breaks each time I hear that familiar story. The pride of being chosen as special, the warmth and joy of having one’s ability recognized, and the promise of opportunity often erode into confidence crushing coaching. The details change, yet the core is often the same; shaming, character attacks, pressure tactics, and guilt induction. Sometimes these behaviors appear in the disguise of motivation. Other times there is no disguise at all.

The universal reaction from people who genuinely love the sport is outrage, and rightfully so. There are calls for protections, stronger oversight from organizations such as USEF and SafeSport, and more rigorous instructor certifications. These legislative solutions matter, yet it is equally important to recognize that these painful stories are not tied to one discipline or corner of equestrian sport.

They are a human problem. They are rooted in cultural inertia and destructive beliefs that have been carried forward not only in equestrian sport but across athletics as a whole. In truth, they reach even farther. They show up in our politics, our businesses, our schools, and often in the intimate spaces of family life and parenting.

I have seen shadows of these toxic coaching and motivational strategies in nearly every part of our world. I have seen them even in the dark corners of institutions that aspire to be beacons of light in the world. At times I have felt them in my own heart. Like so many of us, I was raised in a world that celebrated these destructive methods under the guise of mental toughness and competitive spirit.

If you have worked with me for any meaningful length of time, you have heard me say that change is an additive process. Change in the equestrian world is no different. We will not transform our sport by trying to eliminate the problem alone, whether through legislation or any other method. We need to focus on what we will do instead. We need to champion the values, attitudes, and behaviors we want to see in our community and then challenge ourselves to live those values in every interaction.

Let us create education for coaches that offers truly effective ways to build confidence and support the psychological and emotional wellness of both riders and horses, alongside the technical skills of each discipline. Let us celebrate the coaches and trainers who lift their riders and horses up. And let us help parents learn how to support their young equestrians and become more discerning consumers. Through these efforts, and many others, we can shift the culture from toxic to nurturing.

I deeply believe that the most effective path to change lies in identifying and focusing on what we want rather than what we do not want. When we flood the equestrian world with positive, value based strategies, healthy behaviors, and supportive relationships, we illuminate the dark corners of our industry and leave less and less space for toxicity to take hold. ~Paul

PC – Erin Gilmore Photography

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