A bit of history here for those that may not know me well. In 2013, my then young horse Revel spooked and took off. While I can’t tell you what happened next because I don’t remember, I know I ended up in the head trauma unit of Fairfax Hospital for overnight observation. In the summer of 2022, I took on a young Westphalian gelding Lil’Joe who was gifted to me because he had been bolting with his owner.
I know what you’re thinking… “What the hell were you thinking?” At least this seems to be the most common reaction. I could give you the emotional answer which is that I felt connected to this horse from the moment I first met him; all goofy and playful with his goat eaten tail. And, while that is true, I think the real answer is a much deeper one.
While I had worked through my experience with Revel, there was still a part of me that knew that I still didn’t have what was needed to help Revel at the time. I needed to find that in myself. Not just to “make things right” with Revel but to take responsibility for myself and have more to offer Lil’ Joe and all the other horses that would come into my life.
It has been quite a journey. Revel opened the door for me to learn how to grow through my intense fear. My clients have benefited enormously from what he taught me. Lil’ Joe has opened the door for to explore and retrain my nervous system. Like all of us, my nervous system works to keep me safe and seldom asks permission first. While some of the ways it responds informs my intuition and helps my decision making, many of my reactions work against me in the moment. Apparently, my nervous system doesn’t know much about horses.
Joe is one of those horses that is highly sensitive to his environment. No matter how relaxed he is in his work, he is only a hair’s breath away from high alert status. The work with him is always gradual. Gains are often almost imperceptible in the moment and accrue very slowly over time. It is always helpful to look back over several months to truly appreciate his progress.
One sticking point for him is the indoor arena (the only contained riding space on the farm larger than our round pen). It is not always a comfortable place for him. On the days when the gremlins run free, my work with him takes a large step back, helping him get reconnected and settled. Often sticking to ground work.
The other day, Justin and I were alone at the farm and had a chance to ride together for the first time in a while. We talked about where we were going to ride. He wanted to ride in the outdoor arena since the weather was so nice. The few times I had ridden Joe in the outdoor he was actually more relaxed than usual. Me not so much. I realized in that moment that our emotional needs did not align. I chose to meet Joe’s as best I could.
It was a beautiful ride. Joe was relaxed and regulated. We worked on building responsiveness to the aids with lightness. He stayed connected through the whole experience. I, on the other hand, struggled. I found myself internally distracted by unhelpful thoughts and repeatedly had to address my tension, both emotional and physical. It was a challenge to stay in the present and connect to the real experience of the ride.
It would be easy in that moment to get down on myself. I can be just as harshly self-critical as the next rider. It has helped me to appreciate that all of the intrusive thoughts and physical tension I experienced were simply my nervous system doing its best to take care of me. I have known for some time that my next personal growth agenda will be to train my nervous system to respond differently, to respond the reality of the moment rather than my past traumas. I have also known that my growth, like Lil’ Joe’s, will be slow and gradual.
If you are challenged by your nervous system in similar ways, join me in the process and commitment of training new, more adaptive responses. Training ourselves with deep personal understanding. Treating ourselves with kindness and compassion in the process. And, perhaps most of all, training ourselves with quiet consistency over time, appreciating even the smallest gains because that is the way that growth happens. ~ Paul
#growth #braintrain #trainyournervoussystem #overcomingchallenge #emotionalneeds #equestrian #equestrianlife #sportpsych #equestriansportpsych #sportpsychology #equestriansportpsychology
A bit of history here for those that may not know me well. In 2013, my then young horse Revel spooked and took off. While I can’t tell you what happened next because I don’t remember, I know I ended up in the head trauma unit of Fairfax Hospital for overnight observation. In the summer of 2022, I took on a young Westphalian gelding Lil’Joe who was gifted to me because he had been bolting with his owner.
I know what you’re thinking… “What the hell were you thinking?” At least this seems to be the most common reaction. I could give you the emotional answer which is that I felt connected to this horse from the moment I first met him; all goofy and playful with his goat eaten tail. And, while that is true, I think the real answer is a much deeper one.
While I had worked through my experience with Revel, there was still a part of me that knew that I still didn’t have what was needed to help Revel at the time. I needed to find that in myself. Not just to “make things right” with Revel but to take responsibility for myself and have more to offer Lil’ Joe and all the other horses that would come into my life.
It has been quite a journey. Revel opened the door for me to learn how to grow through my intense fear. My clients have benefited enormously from what he taught me. Lil’ Joe has opened the door for to explore and retrain my nervous system. Like all of us, my nervous system works to keep me safe and seldom asks permission first. While some of the ways it responds informs my intuition and helps my decision making, many of my reactions work against me in the moment. Apparently, my nervous system doesn’t know much about horses.
Joe is one of those horses that is highly sensitive to his environment. No matter how relaxed he is in his work, he is only a hair’s breath away from high alert status. The work with him is always gradual. Gains are often almost imperceptible in the moment and accrue very slowly over time. It is always helpful to look back over several months to truly appreciate his progress.
One sticking point for him is the indoor arena (the only contained riding space on the farm larger than our round pen). It is not always a comfortable place for him. On the days when the gremlins run free, my work with him takes a large step back, helping him get reconnected and settled. Often sticking to ground work.
The other day, Justin and I were alone at the farm and had a chance to ride together for the first time in a while. We talked about where we were going to ride. He wanted to ride in the outdoor arena since the weather was so nice. The few times I had ridden Joe in the outdoor he was actually more relaxed than usual. Me not so much. I realized in that moment that our emotional needs did not align. I chose to meet Joe’s as best I could.
It was a beautiful ride. Joe was relaxed and regulated. We worked on building responsiveness to the aids with lightness. He stayed connected through the whole experience. I, on the other hand, struggled. I found myself internally distracted by unhelpful thoughts and repeatedly had to address my tension, both emotional and physical. It was a challenge to stay in the present and connect to the real experience of the ride.
It would be easy in that moment to get down on myself. I can be just as harshly self-critical as the next rider. It has helped me to appreciate that all of the intrusive thoughts and physical tension I experienced were simply my nervous system doing its best to take care of me. I have known for some time that my next personal growth agenda will be to train my nervous system to respond differently, to respond the reality of the moment rather than my past traumas. I have also known that my growth, like Lil’ Joe’s, will be slow and gradual.
If you are challenged by your nervous system in similar ways, join me in the process and commitment of training new, more adaptive responses. Training ourselves with deep personal understanding. Treating ourselves with kindness and compassion in the process. And, perhaps most of all, training ourselves with quiet consistency over time, appreciating even the smallest gains because that is the way that growth happens. ~ Paul
#growth #braintrain #trainyournervoussystem #overcomingchallenge #emotionalneeds #equestrian #equestrianlife #sportpsych #equestriansportpsych #sportpsychology #equestriansportpsychology
