Psych Saturday: Connection – What is it Anyway?

This morning, I sit at our friends’ farm, Empress Stable and Sanctuary, in Paris, Wisconsin. I have known Arieahn for nearly twenty years and first met her daughter, Ciara, about fourteen years ago. They are people with whom I feel deeply connected, even though we haven’t spent much time together recently. They invited Justin and me to teach a clinic called “Calming Fears through Connection.”

Justin and I have taught so many clinics that we no longer need to spend extensive time planning or preparing. We know each other exceptionally well, seamlessly picking up on and expanding each other’s thoughts as we teach. While I cherish this level of confidence and comfort in our clinics, occasionally, a concept or phrase we frequently use catches my attention. I realize that these words, central to our teaching, are often ill-defined or, at worst, misunderstood.

Connection is one such word. What does connection truly mean? What are we seeking, nurturing, and cultivating with each other, our horses, and, perhaps most importantly, ourselves?

Last night, during an introductory experience, we witnessed Justin building a connection with a young mare at liberty. He then demonstrated connection through the in-hand flexions we learned from Pippa Callanan, allowing us to explore the same ideas in interactions we use everyday in our riding. It was a joy to engage in this demonstration as a laboratory rather than a lecture.

We didn’t fully clarify what connection is, except to say it’s akin to love. It’s a word that gains meaning and expression as it unfolds, experienced uniquely by each of us. Despite the challenge, we arrived at a few thoughts I’d like to share.

First, connection is relational. It lives and grows between beings. Whether we’re discussing two humans, a human and a horse, or even our relationship with parts of ourselves, connection cannot exist with only one party.

Connection is mutual. It involves seeing and being seen, thriving in the exchange of energy and information, the back-and-forth cycles of communication. Energy alone isn’t enough; energy without meaning is chaos. Imbuing energy with meaning, such as setting an intention, is also insufficient, as it’s a one-sided process. True connection requires shared meaning, where the intention aligns with its impact on the other.

Connection is imbued with quality. While all beings may be connected in some way, when we speak of connection, we refer to qualities that soothe our souls. Words like lightness, respect, calm, safety, curiosity, and playfulness emerged as we sought to describe the connections we wish to nurture. Although our horses don’t speak English, we discussed their ways of being that embody these qualities.

I’m excited to spend today continuing this exploration, taking it further by examining how connection helps us and our horses regulate ourselves. I’m honored to share this adventure with each participant. I invite you, wherever you are, to explore your own expressions of connection with yourself, the important people in your life, and your horses. And, we would love for you to share your insights so we can grow with you. ~ Paul

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