Sport psychology

On Comfort and Pain

By |2024-05-30T15:55:19-04:00May 30, 2024|Categories: Sport psychology|

This last weekend I stepped out of my comfort zone. I rode my Westphalen restart project Lil’ Joe in a Lester Buckley clinic on our home farm. Joe had come to me with a bolting issue and I have taken the restart very very very slowly. While I had been riding him regularly in the round pen, the start of the clinic was his second time in the indoor and maybe the seventh or eighth time ridden in the bridle.
I remember Lester asking what we were looking to accomplish. I said, “a good experience for Joe.” and Lester agreed. Suffice it to say that Joe had good experiences for all three days. It got me thinking, yet again, about this cultural glorification of discomfort or pain. I have two new insights (Well, maybe not so new, but insights all the same.). The goal is not discomfort. And, you have to be comfortable to get uncomfortable.
One of the great travesties of the “No pain, no gain” mentality is that it easily gets warped into the seeking of pain as the end goal. I believe that this is the single greatest cause of real injury; physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. The value in discomfort is not the discomfort itself, but rather seeking comfort in the discomfort. Allowing yourself to experience physical discomfort just enough so that you become stronger and the effort is no longer uncomfortable. Allowing yourself to experience psychological or emotional discomfort long enough so that you can seek and find the comfort in the new situation. We all grow in this way.
When you are in the arena with Lester, it does not take long to connect to his kindness, attentiveness, knowledge, wisdom, gentle humor and skill. It was not that I thought that nothing bad could happen, it was that I knew he would use his expertise and do his best to ensure that Joe and I got a good deal. I also quickly came to believe that if things “went south” he would be there to help us work it through in the best way he knew how. That kind of presence and connection to me and my horse was the foundation for my being able to regulate my anxiety and engage my curiosity and courage. Without the relational comfort, stepping outside my comfort zone would be pushing or forcing myself there. This is profoundly different than engaging my desire and curiosity for expanding my experience and allowing myself to step out of my comfort zone.
We have all seen it with horses. We have seen moments where they have been pushed into discomfort. And, if we are lucky, we have seen moments where it was set up for them to engage their curiosity and courage to seek comfort in the initially uncomfortable.
If we need to glorify something, let’s glorify the drive for exploration, curiosity, and play that blossoms in positive connection. Let’s glorify the consistent, caring, attentive, healthy relationships with ourselves, others and our horses that make it all possible. ~ Paul

Read More
 0

Reachable

By |2024-05-29T14:05:03-04:00May 29, 2024|Categories: Sport psychology|

Did you ever have one of those moments where you realize that you have missed the boat in an exchange with your partner? You wanted something so desperately that you got hyper-focused on one particular action, behavior, or sentiment. So narrowly focused, in fact, that you totally miss it when the very thing you want is generously offered.
There is a lot of talk about the power of focus in achieving our goals. It is easy to see how this can be a strength in almost every aspect of horsemanship. Missing the mark in our riding is so often attributed to distraction. We get distracted by our thoughts, feelings, and the world around us.
There is less talk about what happens when this valued strength is overplayed. This is especially true when we get focused on a specific outcomes. The more we get focused on our desired outcomes, the less we are able to pay attention to the rest of our world and experience. The less aware we are what the world is actually offering us.
Perhaps the delicate balance between focused intention and receptive awareness is part of what is meant by feel. I know I am going to pay closer attention to to this dynamic balance. And, when I notice an elevation in my desire to achieve a specific outcome, I need to make sure that I can feel what others are offering. I need to make sure I am reachable.
~ Paul
PC – @ErinGilmorePhotography @eringilmorephotos

Read More
 0

The True Meaning of Frame

By |2024-05-27T08:37:22-04:00May 27, 2024|Categories: Sport psychology|

Some of you know about my love of ballroom dance. I don’t love it because I am good at it (some days are better than others). I love it because there are moments where I get to experience seemingly effortless movement in harmony with my partner as we float through the room on a gently flowing river of music.
There are times when the learning process is hard. Finding my own balance in a new movement or series of steps. Building the strength to hold a frame while staying soft and supple in my body. Mastering novel sequences and patterns in my feet, in my posture, and with my partner. The path to mastery in ballroom dance is littered with missteps. However, if you boil it all down, there are several essential components which help along the way.
Self-carriage. We need to be able to take responsibility for, and hold, our own balance. Without our own balance there is little hope of true partnership. Every once and a while we might find ourselves relying on our partners to hold us upright or we might offer support when needed. Yet, the goal is to to carry ourselves with grace, inviting our partner (in their own balance) to move gracefully with us.
Athleticism. No, we don’t need the fitness and flexibility of an olympic athlete. Rather, we commit to finding the limits of our movement and then working along these growth edges to improve our range of motion, our flexibility and our strength.
A common language. In dance there is a code that has been developed through the centuries for its ability to support leading and following without throwing our partners off balance. I chuckle at how awkward and ugly it can look at the beginning, and marvel at the beauty and seamlessness when that code is understood by both the leader and the follower. Understood and executed with faithfulness and tact.
While reading this, you might think I had just spent a day at the dance studio. The truth is that I just spent a day in the arena with Pippa Callanan. And, these were the lessons she shared in a approachable, effective and meaningful way. Thank you Pippa for an awesome day! Can’t wait to dance with my horses over the next several months and see what we can get working for us. Maybe you will join us in November when she returns… ~ Paul

Read More
 0

Finding Your Feet: A Search for Deep Knowledge and Understanding

By |2024-05-22T17:52:49-04:00May 22, 2024|Categories: Sport psychology|

I often reference a paper that was written by a distinguished psychologist Paul Wachtel, PhD where he makes the assertion that our graduate psychology programs are training technicians rather than scientists who are exploring the edges of our knowledge and understanding. On a similar note, I remember a talk I attended back in the early 90’s where the speaker reminded us that all of the founders of the various popular family therapy models being taught in our 2-year graduate programs where classically trained psychoanalysts with 30 to 40 years of clinical experience. He feared we where prioritizing tools and techniques over deep knowledge and understanding.
As humans, we want clarity and direction. This is especially true in the equestrian world where the development of effective relationships with our horses so often seems a mysterious process. Our desire for clarity drives us to seek out simple digestible answers and direction which many trainers are happy to provide. Heels down, inside leg to outside rein, when your horse does this…do that, and so on and so on. Please don’t get me wrong, technical skill is essentially important. But, just like in the world of psychology, mistaking technical skill for mastery is unfortunate and misguided. What then is the path to mastery?
I spent the day yesterday auditing a Tom Curtin Quality Horsemanship Clinic. It was amazing to watch him ride and demonstrate the days lessons on his horses. He talked about his horses feet being his own when he is in the saddle. He said, “I don’t get on a horse. I get the opportunity to have an extention of me.” If seeing is believing, I believe.
Equally impressive was the way he taught. Sure there were moments where he spoke to technique and technical skills. However, most of his time was spent setting up simple exercises which were designed to help each rider feel their way to the awareness of their horse’s feet.
Riders in the clinic also asked questions in a different form than I am used to. They would ask, “How can I help my horse to…” rather than “What should I do…” questions. Tom would give suggestions or thoughts related to their question and then he would ask, “Did that give you some ideas?”
I love that. “Did that give you some ideas?” Some new ways to think about it. Some new ways of approaching it. Something to explore. Something to master through exploration. A path to both mastery and ownership that did not depend on you “getting it right” or “following directions to the letter.”
In almost every arena of modern life, we are acculturated to perform to a standard. We strive for performance objectives. Test scores. Job titles. Performance quotas. Salaries. Ribbons. Year end awards. The list goes on. What would it be like to give ourselves permission to explore, make our own mistakes, gather some ideas from masters along the way, do some stuff, and seek the mastery rather than performance.
I am going to go and ride my horse today and play with some of the ideas I took away from Tom. Hopefully, I will be able to find my horses feet and put together a few things I have learned along the way in a new way that deepens both my knowledge and understanding. Will you join me on this winding path to mastery? ~ Paul
PC – Erin Gilmore Photography
Tom Curtin Quality Horsemanship
#sportpsych #equstriansportpsychology #mastery #equestriansportpsych #equestrianlife #learning #deepunderstanding

Read More
 0

Recombobulation

By |2024-05-15T15:56:36-04:00May 15, 2024|Categories: Sport psychology|

There are days, and some times weeks or months, when everything goes a bit topsy turvy. Some times it really isn’t all that bad. No one challenge is all that big, but everything seems to go a little wonky at the same time. We could argue whether more bad things are really happening or if we are just worn down, less resilient, and seeing the world differently. Whatever the case, we end up feeling discombobulated.
As I scrolled my FB feed this morning, I saw a post about a truly unique sign in the Milwaukee airport,”Recombobulation Area.” Brilliant! This is exactly what every rider needs!
Enter the latest equestrian facility design innovation: the “Recombobulation Area.” Of course there will need to be several of them. The first is at the entrance to the farm. This could be as simple as a small pull-off area near the barn where we take a moment to close our eyes, take a few deep breaths, and shed the stresses of the outside world.
The second, a small person sized invisible enclosure at the pasture gate or stall door where we pause and connect to the energy and presence of our equine partners. At the same time, we can connect to ourselves, noticing our own state of being and taking a moment to balance and integrate.
The third could be the recombobulation mounting block. In addition to grounding ourselves, we can connect to our capability and confidence while remembering our personal motivations and goals. We can then marshal our ideal mindset for our ride, fine-tuning our intentions and attitudes. Personally, I would use this time to connect to curiosity, openness, and a learners mindset.
Finally, the post-ride space. This mystical space is designed to help riders integrate and appreciate the whole experience. A place where they might regain their equilibrium and composure after a particularly challenging ride. Or, bask in the joy of personal accomplishment and partnership with their horse. A space where they can bury their nose deeply in their horse’s neck and breathe in the beauty of this awe-some experience. Bathe in a deep sense of gratitude for these amazing creatures.
One last thought. I imagine these Recombobulation Areas sprinkled generously with kind and supportive others. People with whom we share our triumphs and tumbles, with whom we laugh and cheer and cry. People who lift each other up.
How would you design your “Recombobulation Area”? ~ Paul
PC – @eringilmorephotography @eringilmorephotos

Read More
 0

Pride – It’s Not Just For Lions Anymore

By |2024-05-08T15:45:16-04:00May 8, 2024|Categories: Sport psychology|

We had a fabulous business meeting yesterday. What made it so amazing was how everyone in our team showed up. They showed up with their energy and enthusiasm, They showed up with their talents and skills. They also showed up with honesty and humility when they knew that the “lift” would require skills that were not their strength.
At some point in the meeting, I remember sharing how challenging it was for me to ask for help and delegate responsibilities. For decades, I ran my my own business and did everything myself, and I mean everything. After making that comment, I got to thinking about what gets in my way. What makes sharing responsibilities and asking for help so hard?
One thing I know is that I never felt like I was better than everyone else. While I am quite capable, I am generally acutely aware of my limitations. Rather, I think the sticking point for me is that somehow I came to think I “should” be able to do everything. And, when faced with my limitations, I felt ashamed. Then, the dark side of pride would take over.
When pride is the pressured reactive result of our battle with shame and worry of what others might think, it can be a dangerous thing. Much like overconfidence and arrogance, it can lead us to choices that ignore real risks, shortcut much needed learning and preparation, and put pressure on relationships including those with our equestrian partners.
I looked up the origin of the use of “pride” as a name for a group of lions and this is what I found. The term “pride” likely comes from the sense of honor, strength, and majesty associated with these animals.The concept of pride also conveys a sense of strength and unity, as these groups work together to survive and thrive in their environment. The term captures the collaborative and cooperative nature of their social structure, as well as the regality and power that lions embody.
I couldn’t think of a better aspirational goal than to live and work in a way that embodies these values. Let’s commit to find that healthy balance where our pride feeds our confidence and motivation. Where it supports our sense of accomplishment. Where it fosters our resilience and perseverance.
I will be searching this coming week for the attitudes and practices that maximize the positive aspects of pride while guarding against the negative. What helps you strike a healthy balance? ~ Paul
PC-@oak spring equestrian, llc

Read More
 0

That Winning Feeling

By |2024-04-24T16:06:35-04:00April 24, 2024|Categories: Sport psychology|

I entered a show ring for the first time in well over 12 years last Saturday. As the event approached I was reflective and paid close attention to my experience and how it has changed from the experiences of a younger me. It has been a rich reflection that has given rise to a number of emotions and insights. But, before I share a few here, I want to first express my gratitude to Justin for inspiring me to step back into the ring, Maleina and Selena for all their support in getting us ready, and Stephanie Jennings for her expert and enthusiastic coaching and encouragement.
So what did I learn…
When I was young, my horse was “crazy” and I was ill-equipped to deal with it. I never came home with ribbons (unless that classes were really small). What I loved was the camaraderie and connection to my barn mates. It gave me a place to belong. Later, I found mentors that helped me help my horse. It meant moving away from my childhood crew. After that I started winning but, the satisfaction was not in the ribbon but rather in my horse’s transformation.
In my 30’s I started showing again. I had another project horse but something was different this time. Somehow knowing that I had more tools for helping my horse shifted the focus to winning. I remember that the ribbons became more important and the goals more ambitious. Of course, I was humbled when my horse developed an intermittent explosive bucking disorder which sent me on a search for knowledge and understanding from corners of the horse world I had yet to explore.
My 40’s were spent studying the horse. And, I have to say I found great satisfaction in this time in my life. I found community in my search for knowledge, skill and experience. My horses grew to be connected partners. I was able to share what I learned with my sons. It filled so many holes in my own training and experience. As I learned and grew, I became restless because I realized, more now than ever before, how much I didn’t know and still had to learn. I dabbled in a few shows. Enjoyed the competition (Yes, I am quite competitive). But, I yearned for more.
The most recent decade has been the richest. Sure, my adventures fox hunting and trail riding and training have been a blast. Yet, the greatest satisfaction has been the richness of my growing community of connections at a time in my life where I can appreciate the full range of what they have to offer; friendship, encouragement, inspiration, knowledge, support, and yes… healthy and robust competition.
Each day I work with riders struggling with competition nerves. So often they focus on this hated negative feeling, working to make it go away. There is a part of me that knows that, if I could only get them to broaden their focus and connect to the larger experience, if I could help them focus on the parts of the experience that brings them joy, the worries of the day might melt away and leave them with that winning feeling no matter what the color of the ribbons won. ~ Paul
PC – Carla Callahan (Thanks Carla)

Read More
 0

Change Is Easy

By |2024-04-21T20:09:28-04:00April 21, 2024|Categories: Sport psychology|

In our Fresh Start II: Foundation of Confidence and Connection clinic we were talking about change and in a conversation with the group, I let it slip that, “Change is easy.” As soon as I said it I knew that there would be lively conversation about this idea. While there was some gentle push back and mild expressions of doubt from the group, perhaps the biggest push back came from myself.
I woke early this morning chewing hard on this idea. On one hand, I know from both personal and professional experience that changing ones behavior or state of mind in a specific circumstance is easy. I have done it for myself and guided clients to change hundreds if not thousands of time. On the other hand, I know from personal and professional experience that changing thinking and perceptual filters like limiting beliefs, is extremely difficult.
How can we reconcile these two seeming truths? I think it comes down to what I refer to as the 5 Essential Conditions for Change. One of my NLP and Hypnotherapy mentors, Ron Klein, used to say that there are 5 essential conditions for change and if they are met you will be able to help your clients change. My apologies to my readers that have heard me talk about these a million times before…
Unequivocal desire to change… There can be no “I want to change, but…”
Stated in the Positive… You have to know what you want, not what you don’t want.
Contextually Specific… The change is specific to a specific context.
Self-initiated and Self-maintained… You can only change you.
Future oriented… Can’t change the past.
When I have worked with clients to meet these conditions, my clients have made changes 100% of time. A pretty impressive statistic. But, what about perceptions and beliefs. Do the same conditions apply? Could beliefs be just as easy to change if we meet the same conditions.
I wonder. My gut says that they are. If we think of a belief as the mental equivalent of a behavior. Dysfunctional or unhelpful beliefs are simply mental habits for which all the the essential conditions would apply. Could it be that simple?
I will be pondering this in the weeks to come. My current thinking is that it requires a level of awareness that behaviors do not. It is easier to see our behavior than it is to identify the beliefs that guide them. My other thought is that beliefs run deep and are part of the fabric of whole systems of behavior. There are more potential “unintended consequences” of a change in our beliefs than simple behavior change. This could feed the “Yes, but…” monster.
I am curious about your thoughts. Do you seek change on the level of beliefs? How do you do it? And… is it easy?!?!
~ Paul

Read More
 0

Healing Strides

By |2024-04-18T15:39:56-04:00April 18, 2024|Categories: Sport psychology|

There are moments in life where you feel inspired by others. This week has been one of them for me. Life brought me to Roanoke VA and I took the opportunity to spend time with my good friends at Healing Strides of VA. It would be an over simplification to call Healing Strides a therapeutic riding program. It is a place that is rich with opportunity for healing and growth for everyone.
There are few places on this earth I feel as welcomed and valued. And, I know that each person they meet feels the same way because it a core element of their culture. From the clients they serve to their dedicated staff to their generous and enthusiastic volunteers, they take the time and make the effort to truly see each other and connect.
There are times I get so busy with life that the inspiration all around me gets lost. I frequently remind people that what we pay attention to is what we experience. So today, I want to share a simple reminder to take a moment, shift your focus, and look for inspiration in your world. It is likely that you will not have to look very far.
I know, in my heart of hearts, that in being inspired I shine a bit more brightly in the world. Let us all shine! ~ Paul
PC – @eringilmorephotography @eringilmorephotos

Read More
 0

A Race to the End Game

By |2024-04-16T15:06:31-04:00April 16, 2024|Categories: Sport psychology|

I remember back to grad school and my first clients. I was feeling badly one day about one of my first cases and bemoaning my lack of understanding, skill and experience when someone said to me,, “Every surgeon has their first operation.” At the time, I was comforted. However, as time has past, I began to wonder if my taking comfort in that idea went too far. While it is certainly true that we all have to start somewhere, it is also true that we should take the necessary care to develop our understanding, skills, and experience in a way that builds capability over time. That way, when we do our first “surgery,” we are well prepared for success.

Yesterday, Justin and I spend another fabulous day with the trainers and riders at Meadowbrook Stables. After lunch I spent some time with their IEA coach Halle and another instructor Charlotte. We had a wide ranging conversation about coaching, mental skills, emotional growth, and preparation for competition. Their team IEA team is headed for finals and we talked about strategies and techniques to help them effectively cope with the pressure. One of the themes that emerged was the value of small and consistent practices over time. It is great to have tools to use in the heat of competition. But, in order for those tools to be maximally effective, we need to consistently and regularly practice the fundamental mental and emotional skills. Then, when we need them, they are ready to go.

As we worked with the riders during the day on connection through the reins and bit. I reflected on how essentially important it is that our equine partners understand what we are trying to communicate. We ended up talking about it in a way that was very similar to the conversation about mental preparation. In order to develop that communication, we need to work on the small things in a consistent way to build and then refine our relationship with our horses through the bit, as well as their understanding of all the aids.

I would be the first to acknowledge the value of experience, experimentation, and play; engaging the world at the cutting edge (or just beyond) of our knowledge and skill. At the same time, I am also concerned that in our race to the end game, we often skip over the fundamental understandings and abilities that allow us to be successful when challenged. In the world of horses, we end up with teams that can accomplish the competitive task but, suffer behaviorally, physically, or mentally because of a shallow foundation. In the world of humans, we end up with people who are struggling mentally or emotionally with the stress of competition because they jumped over the development of core coping and regulatory skills.

I hope you will join me in resisting the temptation to race to the end game. Let us commit to the thoughtful and consistent development of ourselves and our relationships with our horses. ~ Paul

PC – @eringilmorephotography

#fundamentals #equestrian #equestrianlife #sportpsych #equestriansportpsych #equstriansportpsychology #foundationforperformance

Read More
 0
Go to Top