Sport psychology

When Things Go Awry

By |2025-01-16T18:33:55-05:00January 16, 2025|Categories: Sport psychology|

 

Last week when I was taking a lesson in preparation for my second working equitation show. Nubble started stepping short on her left hind. It gradually got worse, and then we noticed an odd swelling on her hindquarters on the left side near her hip. I knew it wasn’t there before we started the lesson. I jumped off, trailered her home, consulted with my vet and made a plan to care for her.

As things settled down I realized I needed to make a decision about her upcoming competition. I decided to evaluate the situation as we got closer to the show and, ultimately, Nubble’s lameness resolved quickly. I decided to attend the show with a modified plan. I made accommodations including more walking in my warm up and walking the parts of the obstacle course that would potentially stress her left hind. I also recruited Justin to watch carefully and let me know if he noticed any signs of unsoundness since he would see it before I might feel it.

Nubble was brilliant. Me not so much. (Did you know that if you forget to salute the judge before your Ease of Handling course and that you get docked 5 points? I do now!!!)

Last week, I talked about reverie and my intention to take a step back and allow my curiosity to wander in wonder, and that is what I did with this experience with my mare. I took the opportunity to explore my thoughts, reactions, and responses especially when I thought I might need to scratch Nubble from the competition. I was struck by the myriad of thoughts and emotions that surfaced when she came up lame just before a show. Naturally, I was worried about her, but there was also a part of me that was frustrated about potentially missing the competition. I found myself justifying ways to push through for my own gratification.

It was humbling and a bit frightening how easily my thoughts went to the dark side. Thinking about honoring my frustration rather than my values. It made me realize how easily I could get wrapped up in my own petty needs, even when the stakes are so low. I can only imagine the pressures in higher-stakes situations or if I didn’t have a strongly supportive community that prioritizes the welfare of the horse.

We make choices for our horses. Some times those choices serve our selfish interests but often, even when they fall short, they are driven by well-meaning intentions. As riders and caretakers, we educate ourselves, striving to ensure the welfare of our horses while engaging in the activities we love. It is so easy to judge each other and the choices we make, especially in this day and age of social media. However, these polarized debates over-simplify the issues and mask a more complex and less discussed aspect: namely, the internal processes of the humans involved.

Sure we can attempt to solve our problems by making more rules regarding horse welfare. There is certainly a place for this. But, I can’t help but wonder how much more quickly things might change for us and for our horses if we made an equal investment in understanding the people. An investment in understanding the impact of modern competition and training on equestrians young and old. An investment in exploring the internal struggles of both recreational and competitive equestrians, especially those who miss the mark. An investment in seeking and sharing knowledge regarding best practices in all corners of the equestrian world with particular attention to upper level competition. An investment in creating a culture that champions respect and the dignity of all sentient beings. And lastly, an investment in strong mutually supportive communities within and across disciplines.

The key issue here is not just about setting and enforcing rules but understanding the human element involved in these decisions. More than ever, I believe that the psychological community has a significant role to play in the equestrian world—not just in enhancing performance, addressing performance nerves, or treating emotional difficulties but in helping individuals and communities understand their internal processes.

I believe there is a pressing need for psychology professionals to partner with the equestrian community beyond the scope of traditional sport psychology. I am convinced that the integration of psychology professionals into the equestrian community is essential. This partnership can provide the tools and support needed to navigate the complex emotional landscape of horse care and competition, ultimately leading to healthier and more ethical practices within the industry. By focusing on knowledge, values, and community, we can foster an environment that supports better decision-making for both people and horses alike.

As always, I am open to and interested in your thoughts. ~ Paul

#toughchoices #judgments #gettingtothecoreoftheissue #equestrian #equestrianlife #sportpsych #equestriansportpsych #sportpsychology #equestriansportpsychology

 

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Mixing It Up for the Holidays

By |2025-01-07T16:55:43-05:00January 7, 2025|Categories: Sport psychology|

We have a new tradition on Christmas morning. Everyone heads over to the farm early. Justin, along with his mother and brother, walk down to the barn and feed the horses together. Tara and I get breakfast cooking and guard the smoked salmon from Boone Dog and Birdie, the crazy kittens.

One of the greatest gifts of that morning is that all the usual routines are turned upside down, jumbled ,and all mixed up. Everyone gets to step into new roles and experience the joys of relating to each other in different ways. It is in those moments that the richness and texture of our relationships shine.

Sitting quietly across the living room in an overstuffed leather chair, with Knox dog in my lap, I was witness to joy and generosity, appreciation and playfulness, love and laughter. My kids often call me out for my sentimentality. Several moments that morning I was flooded with awe and gratitude for the gift of my family and the relationships they have with each other.

My dear friend Joe Lancia used to talk about the numinous; a deep sense of spiritual or mysterious awe, a connection to the divine or the transcendent. I always thought of that as related to the natural world but I now realize that it applies equally to our relationship with both our loved ones and the world.

There are so many opportunities in the holidays we celebrate to step away from our routines, to mix it up and relate to those we love in different ways, whether it be with family or friends or horses. As the New Year approaches I am setting my intention to search for those moments, enter into them, and celebrate them. Will you join me?


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Playing Along

By |2025-01-07T11:53:06-05:00January 7, 2025|Categories: Sport psychology|

One of the great joys of the holidays is playing music with my boys. Some times we sit and play the old family favorite folk songs. This year Justin and Luke played a number of “new”songs that they had learned and Luke played a song he wrote after our family visit to my mother in the hospital. (I can’t even think about the song without getting emotional… it is beautiful). There are times I join right in with the guitar, times I sit and soak it in, and times I stumble along on my stand-up bass.



One afternoon, Luke started playing the piano and I picked up my bass. He was playing Christmas tunes. I fumbled along and after several songs I had a profound realization. I had been learning the bass (scales, arpeggios, structured progressions). I had been practicing the bass. But.. I hadn’t been playing the bass. The operative word her being play. I was so dedicated to the structures of the lessons being taught that I didn’t allow time to play with the instrument and explore.

Yesterday I was working with a riding client who was asking about how to deal with her fear and the intrusive “What if…?” thoughts during her rides. And it hit me. She rides, just like so many of us, in the structures of her lessons, sticking closely to the traditions of her chosen discipline and her chosen mentors. She is practicing riding and had very little time invested in play.


This is so important for dealing with our fears. When we stick to rather constrained structured practice, especially if they are similar to the contexts in which we had an accident or injury, both the context, familiarity, and focus on performance (or not making mistakes) create an optimal environment for anxiety and negative thinking to creep in and fester.

When we truly play and explore, it captures and focuses our attention in a different way. That, in and of itself, sends the worries into the background. Then the knowledge and experience gained from the exploration, informs our riding in new and different ways. With anxiety and fear, knowledge is power. Knowledge gives us options, it feeds effective problem solving, it supports creativity, it inspires us to challenge ourselves, and more. The kind of debilitating fear and anxiety that robs us of our joy has a hard time taking root in spaces and places where we are excited and invested in exploration and play.


This morning I searched for folk music back-up tracks on YouTube. I picked a few simple ones and I played. I played with different sounds and progressions. I played with different positions on the neck. I played with searching out sounds that I first imagined in my mind and sounds that I discovered by accident. It was the first time in a long time that I genuinely had fun “practicing” the bass.

I strongly encourage everyone to play in their time with their horses. Explore different disciplines and traditions. Challenge yourself to build deeper understanding by asking questions like, “What does it really mean to have your horse in front of your leg?” Then see if there are different ways to understand it. And , last but not least, play with your horse. Explore and be curious and see what you can learn. ~ Paul

#playingmusic #powerofplay #explore #equestrian #equestrianlife #sportpsych #equestriansportpsych #sportpsychology #equestriansportpsychology

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The Other Side of Fear

By |2024-10-20T07:56:36-04:00October 20, 2024|Categories: Sport psychology|

Justin and I will be presenting this week at the 2024 Leadership Adventures EAL Summit™ . I have given A LOT of presentations. I lost count about a decade ago but, If you count all the classes I taught during my years teaching, I am sure that the number is in the thousands. I can’t remember the last time I was really nervous about presenting. Sure, I get a butterfly or two every once in a while, but that just helps motivate me to prepare and keeps me sharp.
This conference feels different to me. Maybe it is because we are presenting to many of my old, old friends. Maybe it is because we are taking a risk to talk about ideas that guide our work; ideas that are personal and not necessarily main stream. Maybe its because we are presenting more a way of thinking/being than a concrete way of doing things. Maybe it is because Justin and I have such a prominent place in the conference program; two individual presentations and one together. Or, maybe it is because I am not just representing myself; I am representing the Riding Far team on a national stage. What ever the reason, my nervous energy is running high. I feel profoundly vulnerable.
I remember telling Justin last summer about being nervous when faced with a solid gate at a Working Equitation show. For some reason solid gates feel different to me than rope gates and I get all tensed up. He smiled at me (it was actually more of a smirk) and said, “I know a guy who could help.”
I made my choice long time ago not to play it safe in life. Vulnerability, nerves, worry, apprehension, and fear are quite simply the inevitable consequences of that choice. So now I get go to work. Center myself. Prepare my talks. Center myself. Practice my presentations. Center myself.
I ran across a quote this morning by Chase Jarvis, the author of Never Play It Safe: A Practical Guide to Freedom, Creativity, and a Life You Love.” It went like this… “All the best stuff in life is on the other side of risk, on the other side of our comfort zone, on the other side of our fears.”
Here’s to the other side… ~ Paul

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Red Sunflowers

By |2024-10-08T10:27:55-04:00October 8, 2024|Categories: Sport psychology|

This weekend I am visiting my parents. On the way I picked up some flowers as a belated birthday gift for my mother. They were red sunflowers. Quite pretty and I thought unusual.
My mother has been challenged with changes in her memory. It is hard for her to track time and she can no longer do many of the things she loved. In the face of this, she is forever joyful and kind. A loving spirit with whom I treasure every moment.
We spent time arranging the small bouquet of flowers and finding the perfect spot for us to enjoy them. This morning, when we came downstairs for coffee, my mother told me that the water in the flowers had turned pink. We marveled at how beautiful it made the vase.
So many people say, “Everything happens for a reason.” Or, “It’s all part of God’s plan.” I chaff at these cliches because I really don’t believe in predetermination or fate. I do believe that life is full of twists and turns. I know both from my work with thousands of people over the last 35+ years, as well as through my personal experience, that life is hard for everyone. I know that our path is uncertain and we are not guaranteed anything.
What I do believe is that, with the pain and difficulty, there is also beauty and wonder and surprise and joy in life if we fully engage and are present. Whether we are talking about our horses, our families, our work, or our passions.
I am challenged this morning to set aside my incessant, self-absorbed worries and my desire to control everything. And, instead, step into each moment with the same kind of wonder and joy that my mother channels everyday. In that way, when the unexpected happens, I might notice when the water turns pink and marvel at its beauty.
Will you join me. ~ Paul

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On Balance

By |2024-09-30T10:59:46-04:00September 30, 2024|Categories: Sport psychology|

This weekend I am sitting in an AirBnB in Charlotte, NC. My wife and I are visiting my son Luke to celebrate his 22nd birthday. It felt great to wrap my arms around him in a bear hug and chat and laugh over a meal. He opened gifts and we played with one of his new tools disassembling a 100 year old banjo that he wants to restore. We talked about life and work and school and football and politics. We shared stories of our adventures over the last month. As I settled into bed last night I felt restored.
Sitting down this morning to write, my wife made an offhand comment. “Don’t you ever take a vacation?” It got me thinking about work-life balance and what that really means. One thing I know for sure is that it does not mean work, rest, and recreation in equal measure. It is not a simple equation.
I watched a video the other day of a man building a cairn, a stack of rocks which mark a trail. It was the most exquisite and precarious stack I my have ever seen. It took extreme patience to find the balance point and any small deviation sent the stack tumbling.
I would rather think of my balance as far more robust. Wide flat rocks. One atop the other on a solid flat base. A balance where each part supports the others and no one thing stands alone.
It restores me, makes me feel good, to have taken the time to share a few thoughts with you this morning. But, I will be brief because a walk with my wife, coffee at Starbucks, and a brunch with my son awaits me.
How do you think about balance in your life? ~ Paul

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Butterflies and Butter Knives

By |2024-09-12T18:12:20-04:00September 12, 2024|Categories: Sport psychology|

I woke up this morning to a poem in my Facebook feed. It is called Butter Knife and was written and read by Hollie McNish. Her introduction to the poem is almost as inspiring as the poem itself. Both celebrate how absolutely totally f**king amazing this world is and how, when we make the effort to learn about it, everything (yes even all the stuff we thing of as disgusting) is actually miraculous.
She talks about the transformation of caterpillars to butterflies and how we can turn experience into tears and laughter. And, of course she reflects on her butter knife which is “actually” a cheese knife. Or, is it? So often things are transformed into what we say they are and how we use and honor them.
Yesterday we started our latest Fresh Start Clinic series. Six amazing humans and six amazing horses. I often feel the weight of responsibility to teach and guide during these clinics. While I will always strive to bring my best self each day, I was reminded this morning my job is not to impart my knowledge, to heal, or fix, or change. Not to decide if they should be a cheese knife or a jam knife or a butter knife or a butterfly but rather to allow them (horse and human) to discover, transform, and unleash their own potential. ~ Paul

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On Loving Transitions

By |2024-09-03T15:15:32-04:00September 3, 2024|Categories: Sport psychology|

One of my horsemanship mentors along the way talked about “a million transitions” as they extolled the power of transitions to make everything better. I was reminded of this yesterday. First, in our lesson with Stephanie Jennings and again later in the day as one of my long term clients transitioned to a new adventure which meant ending our work together.
I have watched Justin grow with Kola and have been there with him as he has struggled at times to find the best path forward. While their path forward has not always been seamless and smooth, I know that Justin has been driven by a deep and abiding love for this horse. While Justin worked on walk-trot transitions in order to help Kola’s canter departs, it got me thinking how the relationship seems to be the secret ingredient that makes transitions powerful.
Yesterday afternoon I said “good-bye for now” to a client of 13 years. I care deeply for my clients. Yes, even love them. It is who I am and I would not have it any other way. It is only by finding the courage to love that I find the strength to truly care for my clients. At times, this means sharing an uncomfortable “truth.” At other times, it means creating and/or holding space for them to struggle, explore, grow, and choose their path. At times, it means letting them go. And, it always means putting their needs in front of my own.
The nature of my role as a psychologist inevitably leads to transitions in my relationships with my clients. Whether that relationship is a few sessions or a few months or many years, when it ends I always experience a complex and rich mix of feelings. From joy, pride, and excitement at my clients growth and accomplishments; to frustration when they make choices that I see may lead to more pain; to a genuine sense of loss when they spread their wings and fly on their own. I feel it all. It is simply and profoundly human that when we love, we feel deeply.
While our horses are not human, we are. As we enter into relationships with our horses, it seems to work out best when we enter those relationships with deep caring and love. Not the cloying, grasping, self-serving kind of love that is about making ourselves feel good. Rather, the kind of love that demands courage. Love that honors, respects, and seeks the best for those we love.
Watching Justin with Kola grow together is a powerful inspiration for me. It is a reminder every day of what is possible when one commits to loving courageously. I am inspired to continued my pursuit of this kind of love with my clients and my horses. I know this will make my life and the life of others richer and all the transitions better. ~ Paul

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Front-loading Gratitude

By |2024-08-26T10:36:15-04:00August 26, 2024|Categories: Sport psychology|

It has long been my practice to express my gratitude to my horses as I turn them out after a ride. It is an easy way to connect to gratitude as I am profoundly grateful for each horse, both as a being and for their willingness to partner with me (or at least tolerate my fumbling about). Last Monday, in our Casually Chaotic Conversation, I set my intention to change it up a bit. Instead of just connecting to gratitude after a ride, I committed to connect to gratitude before even approaching my horses in the pasture. I have to say I was blown away by the results of the shift.
By connecting to my gratitude up front, the entire focus of my gratitude shifted away from outcomes to potential and process. It turns out that I am a much kinder, more thoughtful, more attentive and more patient partner when I am in a grateful space. I dare say I experienced significantly more feel and had marginally better timing. I felt more connected and fully alive during each ride, even when things didn’t go as planned.
We talk all the time about the enormous power of initial conditions as they affect the unfolding of a ride or interaction with your horse. If you don’t already, I strongly encourage you try this shift with me. Connect to gratitude as you reach out to your horse before your ride and let us know how things change. ~ Paul
PC – @ErinGilmorePhotography @eringilmorephotos

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Reverie

By |2024-08-11T23:01:21-04:00August 11, 2024|Categories: Sport psychology|

There are some weeks that I sit to write and nothing comes to mind. I have come to treasure those times because in those moments I can allow my mind to wander. Reverie or time for mind wandering is such a gift. It can take us on adventures to lost worlds within ourselves or lead us to new discoveries of self, others and the world. Recently, a morning moment of reverie invited me to fly above my experience and see a pattern of my behavior across time, across my lifetime actually.
Many of you may know that Justin and I are working to grow Riding Far. When we committed to support the positive changes in our industry toward honoring the dignity of horse and rider in all things equestrian, we knew that meant building an organization of passionate, like-minded people. We knew we wanted to grow Riding Far and, grow our connections and relationships with the world of horses.
Like any great adventure there are road blocks and detours along the way. What I noticed the other morning is that my reflexive reaction to these bumps in the road, large and small, is to immediately feel stressed. And, my reflexive reaction to being stressed is to feel upset; sad or anxious or angry. In my reverie, I got curious. Why, when I am fully aware that I will meet challenges along my path, when accepting and overcoming these challenges brings me closer to my goals, do I still react with the same types of distress I have felt throughout my life?
I have decided I am going to play at changing this. While I will continue to used the tried and true strategies like gratitude and mindfulness, I am going to tackle this in a different way. I am going to make some room, both by myself and with those I love, to engage in reverie. I am going to take a step back and let my mind wonder and wander. I look forward sharing more insights and changes that I am sure to stumble over along the way.
Curious how you might use the gift of reverie in your life? ~ Paul

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