Sport psychology

On Loving Transitions

By |2024-09-03T15:15:32-04:00September 3, 2024|Categories: Sport psychology|

One of my horsemanship mentors along the way talked about “a million transitions” as they extolled the power of transitions to make everything better. I was reminded of this yesterday. First, in our lesson with Stephanie Jennings and again later in the day as one of my long term clients transitioned to a new adventure which meant ending our work together.
I have watched Justin grow with Kola and have been there with him as he has struggled at times to find the best path forward. While their path forward has not always been seamless and smooth, I know that Justin has been driven by a deep and abiding love for this horse. While Justin worked on walk-trot transitions in order to help Kola’s canter departs, it got me thinking how the relationship seems to be the secret ingredient that makes transitions powerful.
Yesterday afternoon I said “good-bye for now” to a client of 13 years. I care deeply for my clients. Yes, even love them. It is who I am and I would not have it any other way. It is only by finding the courage to love that I find the strength to truly care for my clients. At times, this means sharing an uncomfortable “truth.” At other times, it means creating and/or holding space for them to struggle, explore, grow, and choose their path. At times, it means letting them go. And, it always means putting their needs in front of my own.
The nature of my role as a psychologist inevitably leads to transitions in my relationships with my clients. Whether that relationship is a few sessions or a few months or many years, when it ends I always experience a complex and rich mix of feelings. From joy, pride, and excitement at my clients growth and accomplishments; to frustration when they make choices that I see may lead to more pain; to a genuine sense of loss when they spread their wings and fly on their own. I feel it all. It is simply and profoundly human that when we love, we feel deeply.
While our horses are not human, we are. As we enter into relationships with our horses, it seems to work out best when we enter those relationships with deep caring and love. Not the cloying, grasping, self-serving kind of love that is about making ourselves feel good. Rather, the kind of love that demands courage. Love that honors, respects, and seeks the best for those we love.
Watching Justin with Kola grow together is a powerful inspiration for me. It is a reminder every day of what is possible when one commits to loving courageously. I am inspired to continued my pursuit of this kind of love with my clients and my horses. I know this will make my life and the life of others richer and all the transitions better. ~ Paul

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Front-loading Gratitude

By |2024-08-26T10:36:15-04:00August 26, 2024|Categories: Sport psychology|

It has long been my practice to express my gratitude to my horses as I turn them out after a ride. It is an easy way to connect to gratitude as I am profoundly grateful for each horse, both as a being and for their willingness to partner with me (or at least tolerate my fumbling about). Last Monday, in our Casually Chaotic Conversation, I set my intention to change it up a bit. Instead of just connecting to gratitude after a ride, I committed to connect to gratitude before even approaching my horses in the pasture. I have to say I was blown away by the results of the shift.
By connecting to my gratitude up front, the entire focus of my gratitude shifted away from outcomes to potential and process. It turns out that I am a much kinder, more thoughtful, more attentive and more patient partner when I am in a grateful space. I dare say I experienced significantly more feel and had marginally better timing. I felt more connected and fully alive during each ride, even when things didn’t go as planned.
We talk all the time about the enormous power of initial conditions as they affect the unfolding of a ride or interaction with your horse. If you don’t already, I strongly encourage you try this shift with me. Connect to gratitude as you reach out to your horse before your ride and let us know how things change. ~ Paul
PC – @ErinGilmorePhotography @eringilmorephotos

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Reverie

By |2024-08-11T23:01:21-04:00August 11, 2024|Categories: Sport psychology|

There are some weeks that I sit to write and nothing comes to mind. I have come to treasure those times because in those moments I can allow my mind to wander. Reverie or time for mind wandering is such a gift. It can take us on adventures to lost worlds within ourselves or lead us to new discoveries of self, others and the world. Recently, a morning moment of reverie invited me to fly above my experience and see a pattern of my behavior across time, across my lifetime actually.
Many of you may know that Justin and I are working to grow Riding Far. When we committed to support the positive changes in our industry toward honoring the dignity of horse and rider in all things equestrian, we knew that meant building an organization of passionate, like-minded people. We knew we wanted to grow Riding Far and, grow our connections and relationships with the world of horses.
Like any great adventure there are road blocks and detours along the way. What I noticed the other morning is that my reflexive reaction to these bumps in the road, large and small, is to immediately feel stressed. And, my reflexive reaction to being stressed is to feel upset; sad or anxious or angry. In my reverie, I got curious. Why, when I am fully aware that I will meet challenges along my path, when accepting and overcoming these challenges brings me closer to my goals, do I still react with the same types of distress I have felt throughout my life?
I have decided I am going to play at changing this. While I will continue to used the tried and true strategies like gratitude and mindfulness, I am going to tackle this in a different way. I am going to make some room, both by myself and with those I love, to engage in reverie. I am going to take a step back and let my mind wonder and wander. I look forward sharing more insights and changes that I am sure to stumble over along the way.
Curious how you might use the gift of reverie in your life? ~ Paul

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Best Practices

By |2024-08-06T17:54:49-04:00August 6, 2024|Categories: Sport psychology|

I used to start all my presentations, seminars and clinics with a statement of gratitude. I thanked the group for the opportunity talk because it gave me an chance to reflect on my thoughts, feelings, knowledge and experience since the last time I spoke on that topic. I was always amazed at how much I learned in the in-between times. It didn’t seem to matter if it had been a week or a month or a year. There was always a new revelation, insight, or nugget of knowledge.
As I have become busier, I stopped that practice. I don’t know exactly when and I don’t know why. All I know is that it popped into my awareness this week as I was preparing for the Emotions in the Arena clinic.
I have been reading a book recommended by my friend Mike Simmons called “Look Again: The power of noticing what was always there.” Funny enough it opened my eyes to an amazingly important and powerful piece of the ways we can overcome fear and anxiety. It is a piece that I have always know and has been hiding in plain sight. I just had not noticed it. My new awareness of the powerful impact of habituation, both positive and negative, was incredibly exciting to me and will be an important part of what I present in future clinics.
One of the blessings of this realization is that is was just a starting point. It ignited in me a reflective curiosity that I used to experience all the time. A curiosity that energized the question, “What have I learned and how have I grown?” We talk about “best practices” all of the time. We usually are referring to the best way to do a job like teaching or training. I am inspired to think about “best practices” as those practices which bring out the best in myself.
I will start Emotions in the Arena a week from Monday with a statement of gratitude, simply because the opportunity to prepare and teach this course is and has been an opportunity to connect and continue to create my best self.
What are your best practices? ~ Paul

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Are We Well?

By |2024-08-04T17:45:38-04:00August 4, 2024|Categories: Sport psychology|

I have been in a reflective mood recently. Not really brooding reflection as I am sometimes prone to do but simply curious. I am like the little kid who repeatedly asks the question, “But why?,” over and over again.
One thing that has puzzled me is why we think about health and wellness in such fractured way. We will all have our own examples. We look for answers in different corners of our worlds when the “answer” is likely to be multifaceted.
The other thing that has made my puzzler sore is why we so often invest our energies in fixing problems that arise rather than focusing on creating overall wellness; wellness in our world, industry, communities, relationships, and in ourselves and our endeavors. How is it that wellness gets so easily lost?
One of the things I love about being a horseman in today’s world is the focus on equine wellness. Whether it is in shifting our training to more relational methods, implementing new understanding from the study equine neurology and biomechanics, or shifting our approaches to how we care for our equine partners outside of the time we are riding, competing or training.
More and more I am convinced that this is a crucial shift. Shifting our mindset towards prioritizing overall wellness. Not just wellness in our horses but wellness in ourselves… an EQUAL investment. Our sport naturally involves a deep connection between us and our horses, highlighting the importance of mutual well-being. By focusing on wellness, we can boost our performance, strengthen our bonds with our horses, bolster our joy, and set an example for the broader community.
What if we committed to caring for ourselves and our horses in equal measure? What would it take to make sure we and our horses get proper nutrition, regular exercise, and adequate rest?. Could we invest equally in injury prevention and management—whether it’s booking that physio appointment or ensuring you and your horse gets regular check-ups and treatments. By making physical wellness a priority, we can stay at the top of our game.
I don’t think I will ever really understand why our mental and emotional wellness gets so easily overlook. So much attention is paid to how our emotional state affects our horses. And, an enormous amount of time, energy and money is spent trying to help our horses find peace. We talk a lot about the pressures of competition and training, but I know that life by its nature is difficult. It is full of stressors. Investment in a healthy mind and heart helps with focus, decision-making, and overall enjoyment of the sport and life (for you and your horse). Investing in mental and emotional wellbeing and nurturing a positive mindset can enhance our performance and make the journey more enjoyable for both us and our horses.
Finally, we can’t forget our relationships. Our equestrian community is a vital part of our wellness. Building strong, supportive relationships with fellow riders, trainers, as well with our family and friends fosters a sense of belonging and mutual support. Participating in community activities, sharing knowledge, and helping each other through challenges can create a nurturing environment that benefits everyone.
I know some might find this funny to hear this but the same is true for our equine partners. Our horses are social creatures as well. They benefit from many of the same community supports. While they have little say in how we manage their care, yet our approach to caring for them can have a huge impact. It only makes sense to invest in fostering strong, consistent, positive relationships with and between our horses.
So before I stop puzzling I have one more question for you. What would it take for you to make investment in overall wellness your default setting? I really want to know. ~ Paul

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Again and Again and Again

By |2024-07-29T10:07:44-04:00July 29, 2024|Categories: Sport psychology|

It happened again three times this week. I listened as riders shared their story of being verbally abused or shamed by their trainers. While some trainers ride that line between being demanding and tipping over the edge into abuse, some have clearly jumped off the cliff. I admit that my sample is skewed by the nature of the work I do. I know and trust that there are many, many instructors (perhaps the majority) that treat their students with kindness and respect. Yet, there remains in the culture of the equestrian world a harshness or hardness that is seen by some to be “just what {their students} need” but often has the opposite effect, destroying a rider’s confidence and joy.
I have been a psychologist and psychotherapist for over 30 years. I have worked as a sport psychologist with equestrians for over 20 years. I have said it before and I will say it again, I don’t know of any study that has shown shaming or verbal abuse to be an effective coaching strategy. Worried that I might have missed something, I did a little research and here is what I found.
Top 15 research supported coaching behaviors related to enhanced performance:
Providing Clear Feedback: Giving specific, actionable feedback helps athletes understand their strengths and areas for improvement.
Setting Clear Goals: Establishing specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART) goals to guide performance and development.
Building Trust and Rapport: Creating a positive and supportive relationship with athletes to foster a trusting environment.
Effective Communication: Using clear, concise, and open communication to ensure athletes understand instructions and expectations.
Motivational Techniques: Utilizing methods to inspire and motivate athletes, such as positive reinforcement, encouragement, and recognizing achievements.
Technical and Tactical Instruction: Providing detailed instruction on techniques and strategies to improve performance.
Emotional Intelligence: Understanding and managing both the coach’s and athletes’ emotions to maintain a positive training environment.
Adaptability: Being flexible and able to adjust coaching methods to fit the needs and abilities of individual athletes.
Encouraging Self-Reflection: Promoting self-assessment and reflection to help athletes understand their own performance and develop self-improvement strategies.
Developing Autonomy: Encouraging athletes to take ownership of their training and decision-making processes.
Creating a Positive Learning Environment: Fostering an environment that encourages learning, creativity, and risk-taking without fear of failure.
Managing Stress and Pressure: Teaching athletes techniques to cope with stress and pressure, both in training and competition.
Attention to Individual Needs: Recognizing and addressing the unique needs and circumstances of each athlete.
Promoting Team Cohesion: Building a sense of unity and collaboration among team members.
Continuous Learning and Development: Committing to ongoing education and professional development to stay updated with the latest coaching techniques and sports science.
On a personal note, listening to these stories is the most difficult part of my job. It is difficult because I know how easily it could be different for coaches and students alike. I have always felt that the best ways to change culture is through connection, living my values and building positive relationships with like minded people. If you are struggling as a student or a coach we want to help you find a positive path forward. ~ Paul

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CAPO vs FOPO

By |2024-07-26T15:50:41-04:00July 26, 2024|Categories: Sport psychology|

We just had our first Reading Far book discussion. The book we read and discussed was Michael Gervais’ “First Rule of Mastery: Stop worrying about what other people think.” First, let me say how much I enjoyed the lively discussion and how appreciative I am that people on the call made the choice to share their thoughts and experience. It made the experience personal and meaningful. Second, my mind is still buzzing with all the great questions that were raised.
One particularly meaningful distinction that was raised was the difference between caring about what others think ( let’s call that Caring About People’s Opinions – CAPO) and worrying about what people think (Fear of People’s Opinions – FOPO). Caring is born in social fabric of our being. We are inherently social creatures and, as Michael rightly points out in the book, the connection and caring for our community and something larger than ourselves is one of the pathways to living an authentic and purpose driven life. One of the pathways to living to our potential. Fear is born in an overemphasis on performance and separateness which leads to insecurity. Fear squashes the expression of our authentic selves and limits our potential.
It is ok to care, But, let us be thoughtful about whose opinions matter most. Let us surround ourselves with others who care about us and the greater community as much as we care about them. And, let us choose people with courage who are willing to share their truth with those they care deeply about. Let CAPO be a source of inspiration and connection and a guard against fear. ~ Paul

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Father’s Day

By |2024-06-24T13:15:57-04:00June 24, 2024|Categories: Sport psychology|

I used to think of Father’s Day as celebrating me as a father; the day I got to be king for a day and choose what I want to eat and how I spent my time, usually riding. The day I got treated to an uninterrupted nap, a special breakfast, or a fancy meal. The day I got presents and special attention from my boys.
I think there is value and virtue in celebrating our fathers in this way. I will pick up the phone today and delight in a hopefully long and warm conversation with dad. I am grateful for all he has done over the course of my life. I am grateful for the thoughtfulness, investment, and effort he put into being a parent and his active participation in our lives. I am grateful for the sacrifices he made along the way to ensure we had more than what we needed. In addition to a home, food, and clothing, he ensured we had access to a sense of value, a connected community, and education. He also supported us in pursuing our interests, passions, and the opportunities that presented themselves along the way. I am grateful for him and the time I get to spend with him.
I woke this morning with a different appreciation of this day. This morning I was overwhelmed by an appreciation for the gift of fatherhood. In my wildest dreams I never imagined the richness and joy that being a father would bring into my life. I realize now that Father’s Day is not a day to celebrate me but a day of profound gratitude. Gratitude to my wife Pam for sharing in the miracle of creation and partnering with me in nurturing two amazing humans. Gratitude for my boys whose who gifted me with the most meaningful and rewarding adventure of my life.
I love you all beyond measure. ~ Paul

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Chaos… and Change

By |2024-06-24T13:11:17-04:00June 24, 2024|Categories: Sport psychology|

Justin rode my mare the other day for the saddle fitter. When he shared how it went, he said that Nubble didn’t feel as good as she has in the past. Recently, I had made some significant changes in the way that I ride her. I have been “holding her together” less and working toward helping her find her own balance and, I have also noted this change in her. Justin and I ended up talking a bit about the best way to proceed. Should I continue the path I am on, trusting that this is a period of change and reorganization that will right itself? Should I go back to “holding her together?” Should I find a space in the middle? Or, should I work to explore and learn something I know nothing about?
When I was in graduate school, there was a movement in the psychology where it was proposed that, in the process of growth and change, a system (person, family, group, etc.) would go through a period of chaos or disorganization before finding a new level of organization.
Order out of chaos. There are so many examples of this self-organizing or re-organizing phenomenon. In fact, every biological growth process exists as a constant reminder of this process. If you haven’t watched a video on the metamorphic change of a caterpillar to a butterfly, I strongly recommend you witness this miracle.
However, I find the relationship between chaos and change an uneasy one. Even though I can recount example after example of desired and positive changes flowing out of difficult and chaotic periods, I can also recount example after example of systems pushed to irreversible chaos. I am forever troubled by the uncertainty of it all. I search for clues as to where the change is headed and what the chaos means. Am I on a good path and need to trust the process? Am I on a path to destruction? Or, perhaps the scariest question, what will my world look like on the other side of change?
It is hard enough to face these challenges when it is our own life. It is doubly hard when our path forward impacts the health and wellbeing of those under our stewardship and care. Perhaps that is what mentors, instructors, confidants, therapists and other fellow travelers along life’s path are for. They offer clues to possibility and help us screw up our courage to navigate the chaos and uncertainty of change. And, in the process help us honor and care for the horses that give so much to us.
~ Paul

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Let the Birds Sing

By |2024-06-01T21:19:25-04:00June 1, 2024|Categories: Sport psychology|

One of my fondest memories of my grandparents’ lake house was waking up in the morning to the symphony of bird song. In those moments I felt deeply comforted. I would often sit quietly listening before sneaking over to the open window to see if I could identify which birds were singing. I was always impressed by the majesty of the Blue Jays, the brilliant colors of the Goldfinches, and the Robins dancing on the lawn.
One of my great joys now is sitting on my front porch each Saturday morning gathering my thoughts for this post. The birds sing and, even in challenging times, a sense of peace flows through me.
There is a lot of talk about the power of nature to restore and heal our souls. It is thought that our relationship to bird song is hard-wired into our brains. Birds and their song were a sign to our ancestors of natural abundance. Their rhythmic and melodic patterns are, in and of themselves, soothing. And, in the face of danger, the birds don’t sing. A natural alarm.
When we search for help with our personal challenges and discomfort. We often look for something to do. A tool or action to change the way we feel or react or respond to specific situations. While I am not one to knock a good strategy, I have come to believe that we are often better served by finding those places of connection and abundance. For it is in the context of positive connection that our souls are soothed and magical things happen both in ourselves and in our relationships with our horses.
Hoping we all can find a place this week “where the birds sing.” ~ Paul

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