anxiety

Fresh Start II – Foundations of Confidence and Connection

By |2023-02-19T08:54:55-05:00July 21, 2022|Tags: , , , |

Join us for the second clinic in our Fresh Start Clinic series where we focus on giving you effective strategies you can put to work immediately in combating fear and anxiety in both you and your horse!

ABOUT THIS CLINIC:

This is a rare opportunity to participate in a small group with the full attention of Justin Haefner, and Dr. Paul Haefner focused entirely on tackling fear and anxiety in you and your horse! The powerful combination of our knowledge and experience with humans and horses will give you exactly what you need to move forward in tackling your anxieties and fears. You will learn about the underlying nature of fear and anxiety as well as practical strategies for managing these strong emotions in you and your horse. We will be focusing on teaching you how to apply these strategies with your horse to address your unique challenges.

**We have LIMITED the number of Participants to ONLY 6 to ensure you and your horse get the 1 on 1 instruction you deserve**
Call, direct message, text, or email to participate!
(703) 872-9878
Jkhaefner12@gmail.com

SCHEDULE:

Friday

8am-12pm:
Introduction
Lecture with Paul: Tools to Strengthen Mental Skills and Capacity to Regulate Emotions
Demo with Justin: The Big Picture: From Groundwork to Riding
Group Session: Applying Mindfulness to Groundwork
12pm-1pm: Lunch
1pm-4pm: Semi-private sessions
4pm-4:30pm: Wrap up

Saturday

9am-12pm:
Lecture with Paul: Disrupting Negative Patterns and Connecting to Resourceful States
Demo with Justin: Growing the Window of Tolerance and Identifying Processing Signs
Group Session: Introducing In-Hand Work
12pm-1pm: Lunch
1pm-4pm: Semi-private sessions
4pm-4:30pm: Wrap up

Sunday

9am-10:30am:
Lecture with Paul: Creating Consistent and Lasting Change
Demo with Justin: Redefining Our Horses’ Relationship to the Bit
10:45am-1:45pm: Semi-private sessions
2pm-3pm: Lunch and wrap up

PRICE:

Entire weekend rate: $1,000
Includes stabling and lunch all three days

AUDITORS WELCOME:

Auditors/Spectators are welcome to attend the morning sessions Friday and Saturday as well as the FULL day Sunday!
$50/day-$125/weekend with preregistration
Register to audit here: https://docs.google.com/…/1FAIpQLSdVq5O6bOB…/viewform…

For questions about this clinic Contact:
Justin Haefner – 703.872.9878 – Jkhaefner12@gmail.com

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Overcoming Anxiety: The Power of Relationships

By |2013-10-31T15:00:13-04:00October 31, 2013|Categories: Sport psychology|Tags: , , , , , , |

Revel and SweetieIt has been over 12 weeks now since my accident on my young horse Revel.  While I am certain that we will face future challenges together, my hope is that this might be my last post about my physical and emotional recovery from that event.  Since I last wrote about my recovery, I would like to say that I have been diligent about my recovery plan, riding and spending time with him.  But, as is so often the case, life seems to have intervened and much of September was “lost” to other obligations.  I continued riding other horses, fox hunting with my sons.  And, when I could steal some time, I continued to play with Revel on the ground.  As a result, I recovered both my general ease in the saddle and my joy in being with Revel.  The dark cloud of the “event” largely faded to the background in my mind.

In October I recommitted to a plan and focused on riding Revel more consistently.  Many things seemed to move forward quickly and positively.  In a short period of time, we had regained any lost ground in our flat work.  We started working on filling holes in his training and mine.  Despite all of these positive gains and developments, I continued to experience a nagging low-level anxiety while riding him that ate away at my joy and sucked up a lot of my energy.  I frequently felt really tired after a ride and, while I hate to admit it, I often felt relieved to dismount.  I have written numerous times about the need for consistent exposure or engagement in an activity in order to overcome anxiety.  I figured that it was just a matter time and things would get better.  What I didn’t realize was that I was missing a key ingredient to my recovery.

Last weekend a good friend and talented horse trainer Michael Sparling was at my farm working with a delightfully challenging mustang mare to which he has committed himself to start under saddle. I saddled up Revel and kept him company while he worked with the mare.  There was time for coaching, refinement, philosophizing and quiet conversation about life, horses and relationships.  Over the course of three days I must have spent over twelve hours with or on Revel.  Some of it standing and watching. Some of it working.  Some of it playing.  Some of it grooming.  At some point in time during the second day, I had the awesome realization that my anxiety was gone.  That I was feeling energized and refreshed by my time on Revel and the vague and draining feelings of dread had been banished to the farthest recesses of my mind.

The easiest way to explain how and why this change happened is to focus on the sheer amount of time I spent with my horse.  It would certainly fit with most treatment models for anxiety where there is an appropriate level of exposure to the anxiety provoking stimulus that lasts long enough so that the initial surge of adrenaline with the accompanying angst has time to subside.  I think that this is an important part of my experience last weekend but I feel certain it was not the whole picture.

If you have ever spent any time with young children, you will likely have had the experience of watching a toddler explore his or her universe.  First comes the tentative steps away from mom, then they stop, turn and look back just to make sure someone is paying attention.  Reassured that mom has “got their back” they turn away again to take more steps into the unknown.  This process is a clear demonstration of the role that relationships play in our ability to take risks and confidently explore our world.  The more consistent and trustworthy a caregiver is, the more comfortable and confident the child is likely to be in exploring their world.  You might be asking what does this have to do with a middle-aged man recovering from a riding accident.   The answer is everything.

It is an essential part of human nature to rely on relationships to provide a sense of safety and security.  It is also an essential part of human nature to need to feel a basic sense of safety and security in order to challenge ourselves to step outside our comfort zone.  If we are overly anxious, we tend to restrict our behavior to that which is comfortable and safe.  We don’t need to feel completely safe to step out and explore, just safe enough.  And, just as it was when we were children, relationships are the core source of this safety and comfort.  I am convinced that it was the presence of a competent and trusted colleague and friend that provided the “safe enough” context for me to take the risk to step across those boundaries I had set for myself and recover my ease and confidence on Revel.  Sure, the time and activity was essential, but none of it may have ever happened without the added support of a competent and trusted friend.

So, if you find yourself challenged with lingering worry or anxiety.  Or, you feel stuck, unwilling or unable to take the next obvious steps forward.  Rather than beating yourself up one more time for not being brave enough, ask yourself if you have the people who you need around you that will help you feel supported and safe enough to take the next step.  Maybe this is a trusted friend that helps you to feel more emotionally safe, or a trusted trainer that you believe will help you to feel physically safe.  Either way, take the responsibility to surround yourself with supportive relationships and you will more easily find the courage and motivation to challenge yourself and move forward.

 

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Coming Home

By |2013-09-13T10:02:25-04:00August 29, 2013|Categories: Sport psychology|Tags: , , , |

This morning I find myself sitting quietly, soaking in the pre-dawn calm and beauty of Seneca Lake in western New York.  Its been over ten years since my last lake-side vacation and I sit in wonderment at how I feel so at home and at peace in the Finger Lakes.  As I gently whittled away the late afternoon hours yesterday with my sons, fishing pole in hand, I realized how much of my early life had been centered on “lake life.”  The innumerable summer weeks spent at my grandparent’s lake cottage.  The summer camping vacations, lakeside, at any one of a number of beautiful lakes in the Adirondack Mountains.  The annual canoe trips and fishing trips with my father and my brother.   It is no wonder that taking a soak in the lake melts away the years, lightens my heart, and restores my soul.

Over the last two weeks, since my last post on my recovery from my riding accident, I have been thinking a lot about the balance between pushing forward and the need to rest, recover and reward oneself for one’s efforts.  It may seem simple at first.  Push forward until you achieve a success and then reward yourself.  But, fear and anxiety are tricky playmates.  I was exhilarated and relieved after my first post-accident ride on my youngster.  As with facing any anxiety or fear, that first step to get back in the saddle is a huge one.  What I seem to have had forgotten, despite more than two decades helping people with their anxiety, is that overcoming anxiety is not a “once and done” proposition.  I have to admit that, as challenging as it was to get back on the first time, the second and third rides were more personally challenging than the first.

A funny thing about anxiety is that there is nothing more comforting than to make it go away and no better way to make it go away than to withdraw from what makes you anxious.  Thinking about this in terms of riding, if I get myself all worked up to face the challenge of the first ride back and then reward myself with a good long break before the next ride, I run the risk of reinforcing the “taking a break” behavior and making the next ride all the more anxiety provoking.  It’s like inadvertently teaching a horse to pull back by releasing the pressure while they are panicking.  The challenge or the art of recovery, where anxiety is involved, is to understand that it is a process that takes time and requires balance between the challenge and the reward so that you are neither over-faced nor overly withdrawn or backed away.

So what does all this have to do with soaking in a lake or fishing in the Finger Lakes?  When we have had a fall or accident so much of our focus gets placed on overcoming the aspects of our riding experience that causes us anxiety and angst that we run the risk of forgetting all of the other aspects of our horse experience that bring us joy, comfort, fun and a sense of accomplishment.   Just like I had forgotten the peace, comfort and rejuvenation that I feel on a lake, I initially over-focused on riding this particular horse to the exclusion of all the other horse-related activities that bring me joy.   So here is the updated plan:

  • Continue regular rides on my young horse focusing on building his and my confidence while refining many of the good things we have accomplished along the way.  In time, my apprehension will fade if I am consistent in my efforts.’
  • Play more with my young horse on-line and at liberty.  I love playing with this horse at liberty. We can build our relationship when I am not on his back.  And, it is so much fun!
  • Ride my other horses.  Each of my horses present different joys and challenges.  This helps build my confidence in the saddle while keeping me engaged and having fun.
  • On occasion, do what I love with other’s horses that allow me to just enjoy the ride.  I went for my first post-accident trail ride with the Loudoun Fairfax Hunt last Saturday. I am looking forward to hilltopping with my sons this fall on the experienced hunt horses from Over the Grass Farm.
  • Spend more time in the barn taking in the smells and listening to my horses eat.  Some times I forget to take my time and appreciate the simple things.

So, if you find yourself challenged with your own recovery, take the time to reflect on the parts of your horse experience that rejuvenate and restore you. Sprinkle your recovery efforts generously with opportunities to enjoy these experiences to reward, recharge and support yourself.  In this  way your recovery will be more than just the chore or work of recovery and overcoming fear, it may feel more like, well… coming home.

 

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Recovery From Injury: A Personal Path

By |2013-09-13T10:13:41-04:00August 17, 2013|Categories: Sport psychology|Tags: , , , , |

It’s human nature to want to make sense of our world so that we might predict or control it. We seem to have a built-in desire to know and to understand. This desire is even stronger when we’ve had a negative experience.

When a rider has experienced a fall or other riding-related injury, it’s common for people to feel a sense of trepidation getting back into the saddle. Depending on the nature of the accident and the personality and/or history of the rider, trepidation may give way to anxiety, fear or even panic. Under these conditions, we want to know how to address our fear. We want  a plan. We want certainty. We want to know that everything is going to be OK if we follow the steps and do what we’re supposed to do.

If you search Amazon for books on “Overcoming Fear and Anxiety” you’ll get somewhere on the order of 650 results. In addition, there are numerous books dedicated specifically to overcoming fear of riding or fear of horses. While many of these books contain helpful information, useful techniques and pearls of wisdom, it occurred to me a long time ago that if anybody truly had “The Answer” there would be no need for the other 649 books. The harsh reality is that, no matter how much we know about overcoming fear and anxiety or how many useful techniques or methods are available to us, each individual’s road to success will be different. It will be unique to that person. Our path forward depends on a multitude of factors, including who we are as individuals, our circumstances, our motivations and goals, and our resources, to name just a few.

Two weeks ago I had a serious fall from my horse. If you missed the original post you can read about it here. In the spirit that everyone’s recovery is different, I thought I would share some of my own thoughts, reflections and choices as I return to riding. This isn’t offered as a blueprint for overcoming fear, but as a reflection on what has been important to me, as well as many of the clients I’ve helped through their fear over the years.

When I started to think about writing this blog post, I realized that there are so many different things to think about in addressing my path to recovery that it was hard to know where to start. So, the first  step was to simplify and focus. I did my best to assess my starting point, identify the main questions and challenges ahead and then break them down into workable steps.

Here’s my current assessment.

Physically, while cleared to ride, I’m not yet 100 percent. My mind is clear, but the injuries to my chest, ribs and shoulder have not yet fully healed. I would say I’m at 80 percent.

Emotionally, I’m experiencing moderate anxiety about riding my young horse. Interestingly, since I don’t remember the accident, I’m experiencing far less anxiety about getting back on than I have from other accidents where I was conscious throughout the experience. I feel a degree of confidence from the fact that I’ve overcome anxiety and fear several times before when recovering from other falls and injuries. I also draw some comfort because I’m a far more skilled and knowledgeable horseman than I was 12 years ago, the time of my last serious accident. Finally, my trepidation or anxiety this time around seems localized to my young horse. The thought of getting on other horses, even ones I’ve not been riding regularly over the past year, doesn’t seem to phase me. As my physical strength returns and I have the opportunity to ride, I’ll let you know if that changes.

In my attempts to simplify and focus my plan for recovery, I’ve settled on two main priorities for myself. The first is to do my best to minimize physical risks to myself. I’m not a professional rider/trainer, I’m not in any competition for points or year-end awards, and I have a family with two young boys to support. I ride because I love horses, and my riding goals are not tied to a specific timetable or specific performance goals. I fully understand and accept that there are inherent risks in riding horses and perhaps even more in riding a young horse. I accept these risks because this is what I love to do.

However, given my other life priorities, the path I choose may appear overly conservative to some. I realize that I’m far more likely to be successful if I’m patient with myself and my progress, rather than adding a level of stress and worry by pushing forward too quickly and increasing the risks.

The second priority is to maximize the probability of success. For me, this involves setting things up in a way that I know will be best for me. It also means setting things up in a way that I think will be best for my horse. For example, I know that I do my best with support from others, both in terms of companionship and having an ear to talk through my thought process, including my personal experience and what I’m reading in my horse. My first several rides will be in good company.

I also know I’m most confident in a context or setting in which I have had a great deal of prior success. My first several rides will be in my arena at home where I would have a good chance of recreating the context in which my horse and I have experienced many good (and a few great) rides over the past year. I also know I’m at my best when I’m not rushed.  My first several rides will be at a time when I have the time to take my time. This also helps me to limit the distractions of life and to be as focused and relaxed as possible. For my horse, I plan on starting from the beginning while looking for holes in my skills and in his training. I plan on taking my time to strengthen his foundation and rebuilding my trust in him, and hopefully being a more trustworthy partner for him.

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Since starting this post yesterday morning, the process has begun. I finally felt more than well enough to attempt some light riding. So, I went out last night with my young horse, my son and his mare with the simple goal of sitting astride my horse and assessing my own emotions and reactions. It was supposed to be a short and simple process ( insert knowing smile here). We started with some ground work where my horse chose to display his “athleticism” which, while admittedly impressive, only served to raise my anxiety. It only took a moment to realize that my goals for that night had changed from assessing my emotions from the back of my horse to helping my horse get a better handle on his emotions. I took the time that it took to help him get focused and connected with me. When he was settled, relaxed and connected, I took a deep breath, let it out and mounted, tested my neutral lateral flexion, backed him up, walked in a small circle and dismounted. My anxiety was not as strong as I had earlier anticipated, but I wanted to get myself to a better place before I quit. I mounted again walked in small circles and figure eights testing his responsiveness to my leg aids, and when I finally felt my adrenaline drop and I was relaxed, I dismounted and called it a night.

Today is a new day and tomorrow is yet another. I have no idea how long this is going to take. I do know that it’s going to take commitment, effort and consistency on my part. I hope to be able to report a few more steps forward by the time I write again.

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