riding far blog
Our goal is to raise riders' awareness of the importance of mental and emotional skills in equestrian sport. We help equestrians achieve their personal riding goals.
WE SUPPORT, CHALLENGE AND INSPIRE EQUESTRIANS
We hope you will enjoy our insights in the forms of Casual Conversations, videos and articles aimed at helping the equestrian transform their relationships with their horses. We are passionate about sharing our knowledge, tips, tricks, and experiences.
August 17, 2025
I have been traveling on weekends for the past several weeks. Each Saturday morning, or Sunday this week, I turn to my habit of putting a few thoughts into words. It would be easy to view my writing practice as work, a job, or a demand. In some ways, it fits that category, as it is my expected contribution to the Riding Far team’s effort to connect with and offer something to our community.
This morning, my writing has me reflecting on perspective and its powerful impact on our thoughts and feelings. A snapshot might capture a moment of discomfort or frustration, or it could just as easily depict a moment of ease or joy. Each moment is like a note that reveals a truth, but that truth pertains only to that moment. What does that moment mean? Can a single image, or even a collection of images, capture a meaningful part of the whole?
If we take a video, we capture a series of moments moving through time. This offers more context and allows us to see the flow of energy, much like a few measures of the music of our lives. It provides more information and opens the door to understanding how our experiences, both within ourselves and with others, are connected. It reveals qualities like playfulness, conflict, or partnership. At times, it hints at our dynamic power to create and influence the nature and impact of our lives over time.
When we string those videos together, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, a deeper understanding unfolds. Songs emerge that tell of stuckness and stasis or growth and change. We learn about the process of unfolding, about what leads to what, and about the world of possibility. If we are fortunate, we gain insight into our character, connections, and personal style. We discover the beauty of shared joys and connections, as well as the extraordinary gift of growth and our willingness to take responsibility for ourselves. We also see the healing and beauty that come from repairing ruptures we have created in our relationships.
So, I leave you with a simple thought today. Whether you are judging yourself or others in this world, be careful not to stop at one note. Better yet, challenge yourself to seek more than just a few measures. As I listen to the songs of my life, I gain a deeper appreciation for my strengths and failings. I also feel a profound sense of possibility and am inspired to keep singing. ~ Paul
#PsychSaturday #Perspective #PersonalGrowth #Mindfulness #SelfReflection #Connection #Community #GrowthMindset #Relationships #Inspiration #Storytelling #horses #relationshipswithhorses #ridingfar #ridingfarllc #equestrian #equestrianlife #sportpsych #equestriansportpsych #sportpsychology #equestriansportpsychology
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Psych Saturday: Connection – What is it Anyway?
This morning, I sit at our friends’ farm, Empress Stable and Sanctuary, in Paris, Wisconsin. I have known Arieahn for nearly twenty years and first met her daughter, Ciara, about fourteen years ago. They are people with whom I feel deeply connected, even though we haven’t spent much time together recently. They invited Justin and me to teach a clinic called “Calming Fears through Connection.”
Justin and I have taught so many clinics that we no longer need to spend extensive time planning or preparing. We know each other exceptionally well, seamlessly picking up on and expanding each other’s thoughts as we teach. While I cherish this level of confidence and comfort in our clinics, occasionally, a concept or phrase we frequently use catches my attention. I realize that these words, central to our teaching, are often ill-defined or, at worst, misunderstood.
Connection is one such word. What does connection truly mean? What are we seeking, nurturing, and cultivating with each other, our horses, and, perhaps most importantly, ourselves?
Last night, during an introductory experience, we witnessed Justin building a connection with a young mare at liberty. He then demonstrated connection through the in-hand flexions we learned from Pippa Callanan, allowing us to explore the same ideas in interactions we use everyday in our riding. It was a joy to engage in this demonstration as a laboratory rather than a lecture.
We didn’t fully clarify what connection is, except to say it’s akin to love. It’s a word that gains meaning and expression as it unfolds, experienced uniquely by each of us. Despite the challenge, we arrived at a few thoughts I’d like to share.
First, connection is relational. It lives and grows between beings. Whether we’re discussing two humans, a human and a horse, or even our relationship with parts of ourselves, connection cannot exist with only one party.
Connection is mutual. It involves seeing and being seen, thriving in the exchange of energy and information, the back-and-forth cycles of communication. Energy alone isn’t enough; energy without meaning is chaos. Imbuing energy with meaning, such as setting an intention, is also insufficient, as it’s a one-sided process. True connection requires shared meaning, where the intention aligns with its impact on the other.
Connection is imbued with quality. While all beings may be connected in some way, when we speak of connection, we refer to qualities that soothe our souls. Words like lightness, respect, calm, safety, curiosity, and playfulness emerged as we sought to describe the connections we wish to nurture. Although our horses don’t speak English, we discussed their ways of being that embody these qualities.
I’m excited to spend today continuing this exploration, taking it further by examining how connection helps us and our horses regulate ourselves. I’m honored to share this adventure with each participant. I invite you, wherever you are, to explore your own expressions of connection with yourself, the important people in your life, and your horses. And, we would love for you to share your insights so we can grow with you. ~ Paul
#HorseConnection #EmotionalBonding #RelationshipBuilding #EquineConnection #MindfulConnection #MutualTrust #HorseAndHuman #ConnectionMatters #SelfRegulation #RelationalLiving #SharedMeaning #CalmingFears #RidingFarLLC #EquestrianSportPsychology
August 9, 2025
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August 2, 2025
Lately, my mentors have been on my mind: Paul Kern, Micky Way, Brother Kevin Barry, Dr. Cliff Notarius, Dr. Rob Adamski, Dr. Pam Rudat, Ron Klein, and many others. I’m not sure why they keep surfacing in my thoughts and conversations, but I feel deeply grateful for the kind, generous, and talented people who have guided me. Each has touched my life in a meaningful and unique way.
Despite their differences, I can’t help but wonder what these remarkable individuals share. There must be something in how they view the world and connect with those around them. If I could identify and embrace that quality, I could share it with the people in my life: clients, family, and friends alike.
I’ve puzzled over this question until, like the Grinch, my “puzzler” was sore. Each time I reflect, I arrive at the same realization: in their presence, I felt deeply seen, valued, and, I dare say, loved. Another thought consistently emerges: somehow, I knew they believed in me.
Their belief wasn’t tied to my professional or material success, though they had confidence in my ability to achieve those. It was a deeper belief, harder to articulate. The closest I can come is that they believed in my potential to flourish, no matter the direction I took or the challenges I faced. They believed in my possibility.
As a therapist and mentor, I have the privilege and honor of holding that same possibility for my clients. With experience, I’ve grown more connected to this belief. Part of it is confidence in myself, but increasingly, it’s a quiet, deep, and powerful belief in my clients and their potential. In the face of their struggles, this belief anchors me, offering them a steady place to find stability as they navigate their challenges.
I see the same quality in Justin when he trains horses. As he has matured as a horseman, I notice his quiet, steadfast calm when a horse is struggling to understand or find safety. Justin deeply believes the horse will find its way, and he offers that belief through his grounded presence.
When we truly believe in the possibility of ourselves and others, whether horse or human, we open the door to profound connection. This belief lights a path through vulnerability, impatience, fear, and angst, bypassing aggression or harm toward ourselves and the world. This is the greatest gift my mentors gave me: the belief that it’s possible.
~ Paul
PC – Erin Gilmore Photography
#MentorshipMatters #BelieveInPossibility #InspiringConnection #GrowthAndGuidance #PowerOfBelief #horses #ridingfar #ridingfarllc #equestrian #equestrianlife #sportpsychology #equestriansportpsychology
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I was recently talking with my brother about the challenges our family has faced over the past year. In the middle of our conversation, he thanked me for supporting him and my siblings. Then he said, “I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but it’s so nice to see that you’re human. You sometimes come across as a little professorial.”
In that moment, I noticed my reactions: warmth, connection, love. And, at the same time, maybe more than a hint of… En Garde! I think I laughed out loud. I’ve received that same “professorial” feedback throughout my adult life from my wife, children, trusted friends, supervisors, and colleagues. It’s a small part of who I am and a much larger part of how I present myself.
So why the defensive reaction? Why the surge in my nervous system? Why that familiar feeling of being challenged, as if someone had raised their sword and shouted, “En Garde!”?
In my personal and professional experience, most of us, no matter how tough we appear on the outside, have a vulnerable, gooey center within. It’s a natural part of growing up and living in this world to learn how to protect ourselves… physically, psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually. Each of us, with our unique neurology and life experiences, develops distinct ways of perceiving and responding to the world.
Some of us become distrustful, always scanning for the next threat, ready to defend ourselves, sometimes with extreme measures. On the other end of the spectrum, some attack the world stridently, as if the best defense is a strong offense, striving to avoid vulnerability altogether.
Most of us, I believe, fall somewhere in the middle. At times, wariness takes the lead. Other times, we become strident or rigid in the face of conflict. And sometimes, in precious moments of peace, security, and groundedness, we stand on solid ground.
When we feel grounded, we gain access to awareness—awareness of our vulnerability and our capability. We see ourselves, others, and situations more clearly. We assess threats more realistically and, in my experience, realize that everyday conflicts are often not as threatening as they feel. In these moments, we can respond thoughtfully, adaptively, and flexibly.
I believe that protecting ourselves from vulnerability lies at the core of many conflicts. Whether conscious or not, it fuels rigid intolerance and authoritarian actions. Whether it’s an elevated horseman or horsewoman dismissing all other perspectives or an instructor digging in their heels in a battle of wills with a student, we must ask ourselves, “What are we protecting?”
There will always be times when we, or those we work with, face real dangers—physical, psychological, emotional, or spiritual. In those moments, it’s critical to hear the shout of “En Garde!” and marshal our abilities to ensure safety. But let us also commit to self-awareness and groundedness, so we can better distinguish between real dangers and what merely feels like a threat.
~ Paul
PC – Erin Gilmore Photography
#EmotionalResilience #SelfAwareness #VulnerabilityIsStrength #MindfulnessMatters #PersonalGrowth #EquestrianMindset #LifeLessons #PsychologyInsights #InnerStrength #horses #ridingfar #ridingfarllc #equestrian #equestrianlife #sportpsych #equestriansportpsych #sportpsychology #equestriansportpsychology
July 26, 2025
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July 12, 2025
My work as a therapist involves holding space for people to experience their emotions in a rich, textured way. Often, these feelings stem from profound life challenges; loss, traumatic injury, or life-threatening illness, to name a few.
Some clients resist giving themselves permission to fully feel their natural emotional responses. They minimize their struggles or compare them to others’ hardships, saying things like, “These are first-world problems,” or “Others have it worse than I do.”
Others experience their pain differently, where it overshadows everything else. They become consumed by grief, worry, sadness, or anger. For a time, in their world, nothing else seems to matter.
Last week, I had the privilege of riding with Pippa Callanan. If you haven’t heard of her, I enthusiastically recommend looking her up and seeking an opportunity to audit a clinic or ride with her. She is remarkable in countless ways. During this clinic, she guided me to explore dynamic balance in movement in a way that felt fresh and enlightening. I learned to maintain awareness, offer support or correction when my horse, Nubble, and I lost balance, and then soften and allow without micromanaging once we found it.
Today, I will visit my youngest sister, who is battling end-stage cancer and has recently transitioned to comfort care. I am deeply aware of the contrast between her experience and my own struggle with a host of strong, complex emotions. I want to honor her and be present in a way that is connected and authentic. Yet, I also recognize the dangers of ignoring or minimizing my own feelings, as well as the risk of losing balance and letting my emotions consume me entirely.
I will strive to apply the lessons of balance and lightness from my ride to my time with my sister today. I aim to honor her and all that she faces while maintaining awareness of my own experience. Hopefully, I can find that balance and then soften, allowing us to be together in a space of compassion, empathy, softness, and lightness.
Life is challenging for all of us. Love and honor both yourself and others. Here’s to finding softness and lightness as you seek and hold your own balance in life and relationships.
~ Paul
PC – Erin Gilmore Photography
#balance #horses #balanceinlife #ridingfar #ridingfarllc #equestrian #equestrianlife #sportpsych #equestriansportpsych #sportpsychology #equestriansportpsychology
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I noticed a trend in my work this week. Well, really, a trend throughout my career. Most people have a really hard time identifying their strengths.
Whenever I teach a clinic, whether I am working with instructors or riders, I start the group by having participants introduce themselves and share one thing they are challenged by and one thing they are really good at… You guessed it. The challenges come popping out spontaneously, one after the other. Identifying their strengths is consistently the struggle.
I often wonder why we have such a hard time naming and claiming our strengths. Working from our strengths, even when addressing our weaknesses, is fundamental to almost every endeavor: performing, competing, learning, and teaching. Yet, either we manage to keep ourselves in the dark about our best qualities or, we are somehow embarrassed to claim them and bring them to the world.
There is no shame in having talents, skills, abilities, and positive personal qualities. Nor is their shame in having areas we struggle and desire to grow. An honest assessment of ourselves provides a solid foundation for growth. Let’s claim all of who we are. ~ Paul
#Strength#horses#PersonalStrengths#HonestSelfAssessment#equestrian#equestrianlife#sportpsych#equestriansportpsych#sportpsychology#equestriansportpsychology#RIdingFar
June 26, 2025
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June 25, 2025
My wife and I have embarked on “Alphabet Dating.” This is where you take turns and plan a date that is themed around something starting with your assigned letter. Last night, I had “B.” We jumped in the car, and I had prepared a baguette with brie and a bowl of blueberries to tide us over until we reached our destination: bluegrass at the Purple Fiddle in Thomas, WV.
I would like to take credit for planning a great evening. In all truth, it came together by a series of happy accidents and was not at all what I thought I was planning. A good friend had texted me a couple of small venue concerts/performances. When I saw Furnace Mountain, something drew me to it, and I thought… BLUEGRASS! An awesome “B” date. We have been encouraging each other to do things that we would never ordinarily do, and this was perfect.
I impulsively clicked on the link, purchased my tickets, and then thought I should plan ahead and map the venue. I was surprised when I realized that the Purple Fiddle was almost two hours away. Not gonna lie, it seemed like a big lift for these two old people. Four hours in the car for a two-hour concert and dinner. I came very close to bagging the plans altogether. In the end, I thought, “What the hell, might as well give it a go, and we’ll see what happens.”
It felt SO good to step out of our routine and do something really different. The drive out flew by as we munched on our snacks, appreciated the spectacular countryside, chatted about our week, and reminisced about past adventures. The venue was warm and welcoming. The food was simple but really good. And when the band stepped out, I realized why I was drawn to them. One of the band members, David Van Deventer, was our son Luke’s first music teacher. I had forgotten about his part in this band.
The drive home was much quieter. Pam napped while I reflected on the experience and how refreshing and restorative it had been to step out of our routine and embark on an adventure. There is something about exploring, stepping into the unknown, trying something new and different that is good for the soul and good for relationships.
In those quiet moments, I also thought about my relationships with my horses. I thought about how easy it can be to settle into a routine. How there is safety in what is known and comfortable. This kind of consistency plays an important role in strengthening our relationships with horses. But don’t forget the power of adventures to help keep relationships vital and engaged. ~ Paul
#adventure#horses#relationshipswithhjorses#ridingfar#ridingfarllc#equestrian#equestrianlife#sportpsych#equestriansportpsych#sportpsychology#equestriansportpsychology
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This morning, I’m sitting on my front porch, coffee in hand, the air is crisp and alive with the the sounds of early spring. It’s the first time in what feels like forever that I’ve had the chance to write here, soaking in the quiet rhythm of the world waking up. There’s a joy in this moment, a deep satisfaction that comes from leaning into the season—both the literal one unfolding around me and the metaphorical one in my life. It’s a reminder that everything cycles, everything has its day, and wisdom lies in knowing when to push forward and when to rest.
In Native American traditions, the medicine wheel represents the cyclical nature of life—birth, growth, decline, and renewal, mirrored in the turning of the seasons, the rising and setting of the sun. Each phase has its purpose, its gifts, and its demands. When we align ourselves with these natural rhythms, we find balance in ourselves and in our horses. When we resist them, forcing the process or pushing ourselves and our horses, we invite suffering and struggle.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. There’s a time to create, a time to work and build, a time to harvest the fruits of our labors, and a time to rest. The trick is recognizing whether the sun is rising or setting in our own lives. When spring arrives—whether it’s a burst of creative energy, a new opportunity, or a season of strength—we’re called to act, to work hard, to seize the moment. But when the whispers of fall creep in, when the days shorten and the air cools, we’re invited to slow down, reflect, and restore. We all know what happens when we ignore these cues. Wisdom, then, is in the noticing, in the quiet attention to what our place in the cycle asks of us.
Today, as I sit here on my porch, I feel the stirrings of a personal spring. The chance to write outside, to let thoughts flow freely. It feels like a gift. It’s a small but vivid reminder that joy often comes from leaning into the opportunities each season offers. When we embrace the moment—whether it’s a time for action or a time for stillness—we connect to a kind of ease, a flow that carries us forward in our lives and with our horses. ~ Paul
#horses#equestrian#equestrianlife#sportpsych#equestriansportpsych#sportpsychology#equestriansportpsychology#MedicineWheel#CyclesOfLife#FrontPorchWisdom
June 24, 2025
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June 23, 2025
There is a an old Guy Clark tune from back in the ‘90s called “Stuff That Works.” Both of my boys roll there eyes when I pull out the lyrics while we are playing music together. If I am being totally honest, it is not my favorite song to play, nor do I find the lyrics or melody captivating. What I do love, however, is the story the song tells.
Here is the chorus:
Stuff that works, stuff that holds up
The kind of stuff you don’t hang on the wall
Stuff that’s real, stuff you feel
The kind of stuff you reach for when you fall
In a day and age where everyone seems to be an expert, and where social media makes it easy to advertise that to the world, I’ve come to value something different. More and more, I find myself drawn to the people who commit to developing deep knowledge—and then take it a step further, bridging the gap between that knowledge and real-world practice.
This weekend I get to spend time with Pippa Callanan. She is one of those special humans that is profoundly passionate about deepening her knowledge and understanding of the horse. If you search for her online you will find a simple website and a Facebook page. What you won’t find are proclamations or promises of the amazing things she can do, has done, or will do for you, What you will find on her Facebook feed are statements of gratitude for time spent, skill taught, and knowledge shared. Stuff that works.
I wish I had a picture of Nubble’s try as she found the balance to take a step or two of her first piaffe-ish movement. I wish I could share a picture of the feel of her soft and relaxed jaw and the noticeable change in her as a I was encouraged to reach for her in a different way. I can’t remember a time when I have concentrated that long, with that intensity. And, it was a joy. Stuff that works.
I am renewed and inspired to continue learning. Not the “I heard this in a podcast” learning but the deep learning that comes when we take the information, thoughts and ideas we hear in those podcasts, videos, books, and lessons and use it as inspiration to take a deeper dive. The kind of learning where we seek deep truths that connect different traditions, theories, and perspectives. Then, connect that knowledge and understanding to practice by searching for the stuff that holds up over time. Not just in the ivory tower of my mind, but in the arena, in the real interactions I have with my horses. The stuff that I can see, and feel and experience. The stuff I can count on to support me when times are challenging. You know, the stuff that works. ~ Paul
#deeplearning#knowledgetopractice#stuffthatworks#horses#pippacallanan#equestrian#equestrianlife#sportpsych#equestriansportpsych#sportpsychology#equestriansportpsychology
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My son Luke performed his Senior Music Composition and Piano Performance recital last night, and tomorrow we celebrate my wife Pam’s 61st birthday. It has me thinking about celebrations and the role they play in our journey.
So often, we think of celebrations as concentrated blocks of time and activity. We organize a meal, offer flowers or gifts, or throw a party. These moments and occasions serve an important purpose for us. They mark an accomplishment or passage. They are our way of offering appreciation and recognition for effort, hard work, or achievement. In this way, they are satisfying to most of us.
Today, we awoke at our Airbnb. We made coffee, shared breakfast, joked, and teased. I found myself taking it all in. I felt a deep sense of love, pride, and gratitude for my family. I realized in that moment that, as fun as a party might be, the true celebration was in the appreciation of each and every one of my family members. I began thinking about how connecting to those feelings—and giving them life in our attitudes, actions, and words—may be the truest form of celebration.
I wonder if, and how, horses celebrate. I wonder what they think of our treats and “special things” after an accomplishment or successful competition. I have to imagine that these celebrations are really more for us than for our horses. And while I don’t see the harm in meeting our needs in this way, I wonder if a quieter, more connected, and grateful style of celebration might better serve our horses’ needs.
I will continue my quiet celebration for the next few days. I will breathe life and action into my love and appreciation for my family. I will also allow myself this same style of celebration when I am with my horses in the coming days and weeks.
How will you celebrate those you love… human and equine?
~ Paul
#celebration#horses#appreciation#gratitude#equestrian#equestrianlife#sportpsych#equestriansportpsych#sportpsychology#equestriansportpsychology
June 22, 2025
