I was recently talking with my brother about the challenges our family has faced over the past year. In the middle of our conversation, he thanked me for supporting him and my siblings. Then he said, “I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but it’s so nice to see that you’re human. You sometimes come across as a little professorial.”

In that moment, I noticed my reactions: warmth, connection, love. And, at the same time, maybe more than a hint of… En Garde! I think I laughed out loud. I’ve received that same “professorial” feedback throughout my adult life from my wife, children, trusted friends, supervisors, and colleagues. It’s a small part of who I am and a much larger part of how I present myself.

So why the defensive reaction? Why the surge in my nervous system? Why that familiar feeling of being challenged, as if someone had raised their sword and shouted, “En Garde!”?

In my personal and professional experience, most of us, no matter how tough we appear on the outside, have a vulnerable, gooey center within. It’s a natural part of growing up and living in this world to learn how to protect ourselves… physically, psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually. Each of us, with our unique neurology and life experiences, develops distinct ways of perceiving and responding to the world.

Some of us become distrustful, always scanning for the next threat, ready to defend ourselves, sometimes with extreme measures. On the other end of the spectrum, some attack the world stridently, as if the best defense is a strong offense, striving to avoid vulnerability altogether.

Most of us, I believe, fall somewhere in the middle. At times, wariness takes the lead. Other times, we become strident or rigid in the face of conflict. And sometimes, in precious moments of peace, security, and groundedness, we stand on solid ground.

When we feel grounded, we gain access to awareness—awareness of our vulnerability and our capability. We see ourselves, others, and situations more clearly. We assess threats more realistically and, in my experience, realize that everyday conflicts are often not as threatening as they feel. In these moments, we can respond thoughtfully, adaptively, and flexibly.

I believe that protecting ourselves from vulnerability lies at the core of many conflicts. Whether conscious or not, it fuels rigid intolerance and authoritarian actions. Whether it’s an elevated horseman or horsewoman dismissing all other perspectives or an instructor digging in their heels in a battle of wills with a student, we must ask ourselves, “What are we protecting?”

There will always be times when we, or those we work with, face real dangers—physical, psychological, emotional, or spiritual. In those moments, it’s critical to hear the shout of “En Garde!” and marshal our abilities to ensure safety. But let us also commit to self-awareness and groundedness, so we can better distinguish between real dangers and what merely feels like a threat.

~ Paul

PC – Erin Gilmore Photography

#EmotionalResilience #SelfAwareness #VulnerabilityIsStrength #MindfulnessMatters #PersonalGrowth #EquestrianMindset #LifeLessons #PsychologyInsights #InnerStrength #horses #ridingfar #ridingfarllc #equestrian #equestrianlife #sportpsych #equestriansportpsych #sportpsychology #equestriansportpsychology

I noticed a trend in my work this week. Well, really, a trend throughout my career. Most people have a really hard time identifying their strengths.

Whenever I teach a clinic, whether I am working with instructors or riders, I start the group by having participants introduce themselves and share one thing they are challenged by and one thing they are really good at… You guessed it. The challenges come popping out spontaneously, one after the other. Identifying their strengths is consistently the struggle.

I often wonder why we have such a hard time naming and claiming our strengths. Working from our strengths, even when addressing our weaknesses, is fundamental to almost every endeavor: performing, competing, learning, and teaching. Yet, either we manage to keep ourselves in the dark about our best qualities or, we are somehow embarrassed to claim them and bring them to the world.

There is no shame in having talents, skills, abilities, and positive personal qualities. Nor is their shame in having areas we struggle and desire to grow. An honest assessment of ourselves provides a solid foundation for growth. Let’s claim all of who we are. ~ Paul

PC – Erin Gilmore Photography

#Strength#horses#PersonalStrengths#HonestSelfAssessment#equestrian#equestrianlife#sportpsych#equestriansportpsych#sportpsychology#equestriansportpsychology#RIdingFar

This morning, I’m sitting on my front porch, coffee in hand, the air is crisp and alive with the the sounds of early spring. It’s the first time in what feels like forever that I’ve had the chance to write here, soaking in the quiet rhythm of the world waking up. There’s a joy in this moment, a deep satisfaction that comes from leaning into the season—both the literal one unfolding around me and the metaphorical one in my life. It’s a reminder that everything cycles, everything has its day, and wisdom lies in knowing when to push forward and when to rest.

In Native American traditions, the medicine wheel represents the cyclical nature of life—birth, growth, decline, and renewal, mirrored in the turning of the seasons, the rising and setting of the sun. Each phase has its purpose, its gifts, and its demands. When we align ourselves with these natural rhythms, we find balance in ourselves and in our horses. When we resist them, forcing the process or pushing ourselves and our horses, we invite suffering and struggle.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. There’s a time to create, a time to work and build, a time to harvest the fruits of our labors, and a time to rest. The trick is recognizing whether the sun is rising or setting in our own lives. When spring arrives—whether it’s a burst of creative energy, a new opportunity, or a season of strength—we’re called to act, to work hard, to seize the moment. But when the whispers of fall creep in, when the days shorten and the air cools, we’re invited to slow down, reflect, and restore. We all know what happens when we ignore these cues. Wisdom, then, is in the noticing, in the quiet attention to what our place in the cycle asks of us.

Today, as I sit here on my porch, I feel the stirrings of a personal spring. The chance to write outside, to let thoughts flow freely. It feels like a gift. It’s a small but vivid reminder that joy often comes from leaning into the opportunities each season offers. When we embrace the moment—whether it’s a time for action or a time for stillness—we connect to a kind of ease, a flow that carries us forward in our lives and with our horses. ~ Paul

#horses#equestrian#equestrianlife#sportpsych#equestriansportpsych#sportpsychology#equestriansportpsychology#MedicineWheel#CyclesOfLife#FrontPorchWisdom

My son Luke performed his Senior Music Composition and Piano Performance recital last night, and tomorrow we celebrate my wife Pam’s 61st birthday. It has me thinking about celebrations and the role they play in our journey.

So often, we think of celebrations as concentrated blocks of time and activity. We organize a meal, offer flowers or gifts, or throw a party. These moments and occasions serve an important purpose for us. They mark an accomplishment or passage. They are our way of offering appreciation and recognition for effort, hard work, or achievement. In this way, they are satisfying to most of us.

Today, we awoke at our Airbnb. We made coffee, shared breakfast, joked, and teased. I found myself taking it all in. I felt a deep sense of love, pride, and gratitude for my family. I realized in that moment that, as fun as a party might be, the true celebration was in the appreciation of each and every one of my family members. I began thinking about how connecting to those feelings—and giving them life in our attitudes, actions, and words—may be the truest form of celebration.

I wonder if, and how, horses celebrate. I wonder what they think of our treats and “special things” after an accomplishment or successful competition. I have to imagine that these celebrations are really more for us than for our horses. And while I don’t see the harm in meeting our needs in this way, I wonder if a quieter, more connected, and grateful style of celebration might better serve our horses’ needs.

I will continue my quiet celebration for the next few days. I will breathe life and action into my love and appreciation for my family. I will also allow myself this same style of celebration when I am with my horses in the coming days and weeks.

How will you celebrate those you love… human and equine?

~ Paul

PC – Erin Gilmore Photography

#celebration#horses#appreciation#gratitude#equestrian#equestrianlife#sportpsych#equestriansportpsych#sportpsychology#equestriansportpsychology

I am sitting this morning in a hotel room about 400 miles from home. I’m prepping for a presentation that I am giving today with my good friend Heather Henken of Half Halt at the PATH International Region 3 Conference entitled Navigating Emotions and Behavior: Creating a Supportive Learning Environment.

I am often struck by how complex and rich human experience is. I love all of the conversations I have had this week exploring the nature of emotions. The complexities of neurology. The dynamics of regulation. The interplay of our emotional lives with behavior and learning.

At the same time, no matter how deep or complicated or academic the discussions get, I am equally struck by how we so often reach a very simple conclusion. Being well and doing well is grounded in regulation. And, regulation is grounded in positive connection and relationships.

I love that we share this foundational dynamic with our horses. The same simple, yet profound truth… connection is key.

I have begun to think about each interaction with my horses in terms of this connection. Some of the pathways to positive, consistent connection seem natural and intuitive. It seems especially easy for me while I am on the ground. I can better see and hear my horse when I stand back a bit. Because of this, I am a better communicator and a positive partner.

What I dream for is the same connection from the back of my horse. How do I create (or co-create) a positive, safe and secure relationship when the channel of communication is through the reins and bit, through my legs and seat, through my balance and how I carry my body through space and time. How can I “see” my horse in these ways.

In a couple weeks time we will ride with Pippa Callanan. One of the great joys of riding with her is her ability to open that door for me and my horses a little bit wider each time. She has a gift for explaining and teaching riders and horses how to build and strengthen these channels of communication, ultimately creating the kind of connection that supports regulation.

One last thought, aspirations don’t change the world, actions do. However, it hard to act on what we don’t know. So, join me in creating a better more regulated world for all, horses and humans alike. Let us commit to learning and doing. If you’re free, come hang out with us and Pippa as we do both. The process is more fun and effective when we connect and do it together. ~ Paul

PC – Erin Gilmore Photography

#knowiing#horses#emotionalregulation#connectionwithhorses#regulation#equestrian#equestrianlife#sportpsych#equestriansportpsych#sportpsychology#equestriansportpsychology