riding far blog
Our goal is to raise riders' awareness of the importance of mental and emotional skills in equestrian sport. We help equestrians achieve their personal riding goals.
WE SUPPORT, CHALLENGE AND INSPIRE EQUESTRIANS
We hope you will enjoy our insights in the forms of Casual Conversations, videos and articles aimed at helping the equestrian transform their relationships with their horses. We are passionate about sharing our knowledge, tips, tricks, and experiences.
June 26, 2025
I noticed a trend in my work this week. Well, really, a trend throughout my career. Most people have a really hard time identifying their strengths.
Whenever I teach a clinic, whether I am working with instructors or riders, I start the group by having participants introduce themselves and share one thing they are challenged by and one thing they are really good at… You guessed it. The challenges come popping out spontaneously, one after the other. Identifying their strengths is consistently the struggle.
I often wonder why we have such a hard time naming and claiming our strengths. Working from our strengths, even when addressing our weaknesses, is fundamental to almost every endeavor: performing, competing, learning, and teaching. Yet, either we manage to keep ourselves in the dark about our best qualities or, we are somehow embarrassed to claim them and bring them to the world.
There is no shame in having talents, skills, abilities, and positive personal qualities. Nor is their shame in having areas we struggle and desire to grow. An honest assessment of ourselves provides a solid foundation for growth. Let’s claim all of who we are. ~ Paul
#Strength#horses#PersonalStrengths#HonestSelfAssessment#equestrian#equestrianlife#sportpsych#equestriansportpsych#sportpsychology#equestriansportpsychology#RIdingFar
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My wife and I have embarked on “Alphabet Dating.” This is where you take turns and plan a date that is themed around something starting with your assigned letter. Last night, I had “B.” We jumped in the car, and I had prepared a baguette with brie and a bowl of blueberries to tide us over until we reached our destination: bluegrass at the Purple Fiddle in Thomas, WV.
I would like to take credit for planning a great evening. In all truth, it came together by a series of happy accidents and was not at all what I thought I was planning. A good friend had texted me a couple of small venue concerts/performances. When I saw Furnace Mountain, something drew me to it, and I thought… BLUEGRASS! An awesome “B” date. We have been encouraging each other to do things that we would never ordinarily do, and this was perfect.
I impulsively clicked on the link, purchased my tickets, and then thought I should plan ahead and map the venue. I was surprised when I realized that the Purple Fiddle was almost two hours away. Not gonna lie, it seemed like a big lift for these two old people. Four hours in the car for a two-hour concert and dinner. I came very close to bagging the plans altogether. In the end, I thought, “What the hell, might as well give it a go, and we’ll see what happens.”
It felt SO good to step out of our routine and do something really different. The drive out flew by as we munched on our snacks, appreciated the spectacular countryside, chatted about our week, and reminisced about past adventures. The venue was warm and welcoming. The food was simple but really good. And when the band stepped out, I realized why I was drawn to them. One of the band members, David Van Deventer, was our son Luke’s first music teacher. I had forgotten about his part in this band.
The drive home was much quieter. Pam napped while I reflected on the experience and how refreshing and restorative it had been to step out of our routine and embark on an adventure. There is something about exploring, stepping into the unknown, trying something new and different that is good for the soul and good for relationships.
In those quiet moments, I also thought about my relationships with my horses. I thought about how easy it can be to settle into a routine. How there is safety in what is known and comfortable. This kind of consistency plays an important role in strengthening our relationships with horses. But don’t forget the power of adventures to help keep relationships vital and engaged. ~ Paul
#adventure#horses#relationshipswithhjorses#ridingfar#ridingfarllc#equestrian#equestrianlife#sportpsych#equestriansportpsych#sportpsychology#equestriansportpsychology
June 25, 2025
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June 24, 2025
This morning, I’m sitting on my front porch, coffee in hand, the air is crisp and alive with the the sounds of early spring. It’s the first time in what feels like forever that I’ve had the chance to write here, soaking in the quiet rhythm of the world waking up. There’s a joy in this moment, a deep satisfaction that comes from leaning into the season—both the literal one unfolding around me and the metaphorical one in my life. It’s a reminder that everything cycles, everything has its day, and wisdom lies in knowing when to push forward and when to rest.
In Native American traditions, the medicine wheel represents the cyclical nature of life—birth, growth, decline, and renewal, mirrored in the turning of the seasons, the rising and setting of the sun. Each phase has its purpose, its gifts, and its demands. When we align ourselves with these natural rhythms, we find balance in ourselves and in our horses. When we resist them, forcing the process or pushing ourselves and our horses, we invite suffering and struggle.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. There’s a time to create, a time to work and build, a time to harvest the fruits of our labors, and a time to rest. The trick is recognizing whether the sun is rising or setting in our own lives. When spring arrives—whether it’s a burst of creative energy, a new opportunity, or a season of strength—we’re called to act, to work hard, to seize the moment. But when the whispers of fall creep in, when the days shorten and the air cools, we’re invited to slow down, reflect, and restore. We all know what happens when we ignore these cues. Wisdom, then, is in the noticing, in the quiet attention to what our place in the cycle asks of us.
Today, as I sit here on my porch, I feel the stirrings of a personal spring. The chance to write outside, to let thoughts flow freely. It feels like a gift. It’s a small but vivid reminder that joy often comes from leaning into the opportunities each season offers. When we embrace the moment—whether it’s a time for action or a time for stillness—we connect to a kind of ease, a flow that carries us forward in our lives and with our horses. ~ Paul
#horses#equestrian#equestrianlife#sportpsych#equestriansportpsych#sportpsychology#equestriansportpsychology#MedicineWheel#CyclesOfLife#FrontPorchWisdom
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There is a an old Guy Clark tune from back in the ‘90s called “Stuff That Works.” Both of my boys roll there eyes when I pull out the lyrics while we are playing music together. If I am being totally honest, it is not my favorite song to play, nor do I find the lyrics or melody captivating. What I do love, however, is the story the song tells.
Here is the chorus:
Stuff that works, stuff that holds up
The kind of stuff you don’t hang on the wall
Stuff that’s real, stuff you feel
The kind of stuff you reach for when you fall
In a day and age where everyone seems to be an expert, and where social media makes it easy to advertise that to the world, I’ve come to value something different. More and more, I find myself drawn to the people who commit to developing deep knowledge—and then take it a step further, bridging the gap between that knowledge and real-world practice.
This weekend I get to spend time with Pippa Callanan. She is one of those special humans that is profoundly passionate about deepening her knowledge and understanding of the horse. If you search for her online you will find a simple website and a Facebook page. What you won’t find are proclamations or promises of the amazing things she can do, has done, or will do for you, What you will find on her Facebook feed are statements of gratitude for time spent, skill taught, and knowledge shared. Stuff that works.
I wish I had a picture of Nubble’s try as she found the balance to take a step or two of her first piaffe-ish movement. I wish I could share a picture of the feel of her soft and relaxed jaw and the noticeable change in her as a I was encouraged to reach for her in a different way. I can’t remember a time when I have concentrated that long, with that intensity. And, it was a joy. Stuff that works.
I am renewed and inspired to continue learning. Not the “I heard this in a podcast” learning but the deep learning that comes when we take the information, thoughts and ideas we hear in those podcasts, videos, books, and lessons and use it as inspiration to take a deeper dive. The kind of learning where we seek deep truths that connect different traditions, theories, and perspectives. Then, connect that knowledge and understanding to practice by searching for the stuff that holds up over time. Not just in the ivory tower of my mind, but in the arena, in the real interactions I have with my horses. The stuff that I can see, and feel and experience. The stuff I can count on to support me when times are challenging. You know, the stuff that works. ~ Paul
#deeplearning#knowledgetopractice#stuffthatworks#horses#pippacallanan#equestrian#equestrianlife#sportpsych#equestriansportpsych#sportpsychology#equestriansportpsychology
June 23, 2025
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June 22, 2025
My son Luke performed his Senior Music Composition and Piano Performance recital last night, and tomorrow we celebrate my wife Pam’s 61st birthday. It has me thinking about celebrations and the role they play in our journey.
So often, we think of celebrations as concentrated blocks of time and activity. We organize a meal, offer flowers or gifts, or throw a party. These moments and occasions serve an important purpose for us. They mark an accomplishment or passage. They are our way of offering appreciation and recognition for effort, hard work, or achievement. In this way, they are satisfying to most of us.
Today, we awoke at our Airbnb. We made coffee, shared breakfast, joked, and teased. I found myself taking it all in. I felt a deep sense of love, pride, and gratitude for my family. I realized in that moment that, as fun as a party might be, the true celebration was in the appreciation of each and every one of my family members. I began thinking about how connecting to those feelings—and giving them life in our attitudes, actions, and words—may be the truest form of celebration.
I wonder if, and how, horses celebrate. I wonder what they think of our treats and “special things” after an accomplishment or successful competition. I have to imagine that these celebrations are really more for us than for our horses. And while I don’t see the harm in meeting our needs in this way, I wonder if a quieter, more connected, and grateful style of celebration might better serve our horses’ needs.
I will continue my quiet celebration for the next few days. I will breathe life and action into my love and appreciation for my family. I will also allow myself this same style of celebration when I am with my horses in the coming days and weeks.
How will you celebrate those you love… human and equine?
~ Paul
#celebration#horses#appreciation#gratitude#equestrian#equestrianlife#sportpsych#equestriansportpsych#sportpsychology#equestriansportpsychology
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I get to write to you from the edge of the arena this morning while Justin offers his feral horse handling clinic, Gentle Beginnings in collaboration with Heart of Phoenix. It’s a beautiful warm spring day with the sun shining gently down. Two adorable horses, both with lots of spots, stand in separate pens. Waiting their turn patiently as Justin works a bit with one and then the other.
Early on, Justin suggested that this might be the most boring two days our auditors have ever spent. And… if that happened he would consider it a great success.
For some reason, people seem to be able to offer their horses the grace of incremental progress, watching and appreciating slow and steady growth. Yet, they demand something much different from themselves.
What would it be like if we offered ourselves the same grace?What would it be like if we celebrated the small shifts and incremental growth in ourselves? What would be like if we learned to patiently watch the “paint of our life” dry. ~ Paul
#feralhorse#horses#gentlebeginnings#firsttouch#equestrian#equestrianlife#sportpsych#equestriansportpsych#sportpsychology#equestriansportpsychology
June 20, 2025
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June 19, 2025
I am sitting this morning in a hotel room about 400 miles from home. I’m prepping for a presentation that I am giving today with my good friend Heather Henken of Half Halt at the PATH International Region 3 Conference entitled Navigating Emotions and Behavior: Creating a Supportive Learning Environment.
I am often struck by how complex and rich human experience is. I love all of the conversations I have had this week exploring the nature of emotions. The complexities of neurology. The dynamics of regulation. The interplay of our emotional lives with behavior and learning.
At the same time, no matter how deep or complicated or academic the discussions get, I am equally struck by how we so often reach a very simple conclusion. Being well and doing well is grounded in regulation. And, regulation is grounded in positive connection and relationships.
I love that we share this foundational dynamic with our horses. The same simple, yet profound truth… connection is key.
I have begun to think about each interaction with my horses in terms of this connection. Some of the pathways to positive, consistent connection seem natural and intuitive. It seems especially easy for me while I am on the ground. I can better see and hear my horse when I stand back a bit. Because of this, I am a better communicator and a positive partner.
What I dream for is the same connection from the back of my horse. How do I create (or co-create) a positive, safe and secure relationship when the channel of communication is through the reins and bit, through my legs and seat, through my balance and how I carry my body through space and time. How can I “see” my horse in these ways.
In a couple weeks time we will ride with Pippa Callanan. One of the great joys of riding with her is her ability to open that door for me and my horses a little bit wider each time. She has a gift for explaining and teaching riders and horses how to build and strengthen these channels of communication, ultimately creating the kind of connection that supports regulation.
One last thought, aspirations don’t change the world, actions do. However, it hard to act on what we don’t know. So, join me in creating a better more regulated world for all, horses and humans alike. Let us commit to learning and doing. If you’re free, come hang out with us and Pippa as we do both. The process is more fun and effective when we connect and do it together. ~ Paul
#knowiing#horses#emotionalregulation#connectionwithhorses#regulation#equestrian#equestrianlife#sportpsych#equestriansportpsych#sportpsychology#equestriansportpsychology
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I was reading a FB post yesterday which started out by saying “Emotions are not behaviors. Behaviors are not emotions. Did you ever find yourself in the position of agreeing with something and then stopping up short and thinking, “Wait, no, that isn’t right.” Then thinking, “Well, yes it is.” And so on and so forth until your mentally exhausted. That is how I felt reading this statement.
At the end of the day I realized what bothered me. It was less about the intricate relationship between emotion and behavior and more about the conundrum we all face. We label and define things in order to communicate or share our understanding and experience. Every time we do that we lose something; information, subtly, richness. Language while necessary is, by its nature, limiting. I believe that this is the underlying dynamic which gives rise to my most common response to peoples’ questions about almost anything horse or human related… “It depends.”
We need clarity for common understanding. Carefully defined terms, ideas, variables, strategies, interventions, etc. help us to explore and grow in our knowledge and understanding. Science is one realm where we carefully apply this principle of clear definition. And, science provides for us a wealth of knowledge to guide our relationships with horses.
Let us not make the mistake of taking that perspective or approach and elevating it to a god-like status. Let us value it while staying connected to the richness and the magic of the relationship and experience we have with horses. At least then we will be aware enough of the limitations of our perspective to say, “It depends.”… Or does it?
~ Paul
#knowing#horses#scientificmethod#downsideofdefinitions#magicofhorses#equestrian#equestrianlife#sportpsych#equestriansportpsych#sportpsychology#equestriansportpsychology
June 18, 2025
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June 17, 2025
Last night, I attended my ballroom dance studio’s annual formal. Pam and I look forward to this event every year, treating it as our adult prom. We get all dressed up, take pictures in the sparkly balloon arch, and dance the night away. Unfortunately, this year Pam was sick and couldn’t attend. I represented us both, but it just wasn’t quite the same. Don’t get me wrong—I never pass up an opportunity to dance, and I’m grateful to all the women who graciously accepted my requests.
I’ve danced with Pam for over 37 years. Sure, we didn’t always do the formal, fancy ballroom stuff, but we danced. A funny thing happens when you spend that much time dancing with someone: it’s almost like you are heard without asking and hear without being asked. Most of the time, it’s seamless, even when navigating the unexpected obstacles on a crowded dance floor.
Last night, I danced with many different partners, and it wasn’t always seamless. I stepped on a few toes and miscommunicated a lead or two. Several of my partners were new to ballroom, and I inadvertently asked questions of them for which they hadn’t yet learned the answers. As I navigated these less-than-perfect moments, I found myself adopting a strategy that was kind to myself and, I hope, kind to my partners. I simply smiled, paused, reset, and reconnected to the music. Wow—if only I could do that with my horse!
Even in the best of times, things occasionally get out of whack. Doing our best and progressing isn’t really about preventing mistakes or making every moment perfect and seamless. Rather, I believe it’s more about how we navigate those imperfect moments that determines our trajectory. Meeting those moments with kindness toward ourselves and our partners, with a sense of humor and lightness of spirit, and with a sense of personal responsibility and desire to improve—that’s all it really takes. ~ Paul Haefner
#horses#dancingwithhorses#pathwaytoperformance#reset#equestrian#equestrianlife#sportpsych#equestriansportpsych#sportpsychology#equestriansportpsychology
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This weekend I am attending the third annual Horses and Humans Research Foundation’s (HHRF) research conference. Years ago, as a member and the president of the board, I advocated for events like this, where people could come together and share their questions, explore methods of inquiry, and discuss the results of their efforts at increasing our knowledge of the ways in which horses-human interactions contribute to the wellness of both horses and people.
We come know things in a lot of different ways. There is focused and casual observation, experience, intuition, direct education, inculturation, among others. In my experience, the world of horse-human interactions has been dominated by the emotional and spiritual. It makes sense to me because of the powerful reactions and responses that so many have in the presence of the horse. Powerful personal experience with no real understanding of the process, the “why”, or the underlying mechanisms have always led people to invoke the spiritual.
This weekend I am reminded of a different way of knowing or coming to know. Knowing through application of the scientific method. Knowing through careful, thoughtful, and controlled research.
One of my early mentors, Cliff Notarius, used to say that “science is a way to minimize the probability that we are lying to each other.” Those who know me well, know that I am not one to engage in the worship of empirical science to the exclusion of the full range of human experience. But, I am one to value empirical science as crucial way of knowing the world. I deeply believe that our investment in the science of horse-human interactions can make the world a better place for ourselves and our equine partners.
If you believe the same, check out HHRF and consider supporting them in pursuit of their mission. I know that you and your horse, as well as the generations to come, will be glad you did. ~ Paul
#knowiing#horses#scientificmethod#horseshealinghumans#horsesandhumansresearchfoundation#equestrian#equestrianlife#sportpsych#equestriansportpsych#sportpsychology#equestriansportpsychology
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June 16, 2025
